this week and last week

The last strawberries!

Well, this week has turned into last week and last week turned into the week before last in the blink of an eye!

Sorry everyone. I have constant deadlines at the moment, as well as a few other stressful things happening behind the scenes which I don’t feel at liberty to discuss publicly so yes, needless to say, life has been and probably will continue to be hectic. But I’m trying to hold on to this space I’ve carved out for myself, to record the small details of life as I’m living it now. One day this will be the past and I’ll be glad I took the time to put it all down. One year can turn into five so quickly.

A few days ago we lit the fire in the house for the first time since December. It’s quite cold now in the evenings and the mornings - whenever the sun isn’t out, basically. I think I’ve picked the last strawberries. The autumnal air is still slightly tinged with the last breath of summer, but soon it will be woodsmoke, piles of leaves, earth being turned over.

This is an in-between time, I’ve come to realise - much like September is in the northern hemisphere, so is March in the south. Summer is definitely over, but we’re not quite in full-blown autumn yet. I’m still drinking crisp and cold white wine but craving the warmth and sweetness of a fruit crumble. Soaking up the sun, and even still sporting a tan in places, but also savouring the coziness of a favourite jumper, which is now always within easy reach.

highlights

Handing in 20,000 words to my supervisors, on time! I looked at the “Properties” of the Word document I submitted…7,076 minutes have been spent on the document, which translates to nearly 118 hours. It didn’t feel like it! And yet when my head hits the pillow every night, I sleep the sleep of the truly spent.

Writing and sipping tea in a colonial house merely metres away from where my character would have sipped tea too, two hundred years ago.

A catchup with a dear friend of 37 years over proper chai and vegan peanut butter cookies the size of our heads. I am godmother to her son, who will be 18 this year. It doesn’t feel that long ago that we were celebrating our own 18ths!

Figs I grew featured on the cheese platter! They were delicious with a piece of aged cashew cheese on top.

A much-loved aunt and uncle visiting from interstate, whom I hadn’t seen since 2019, coming round for drinks and nibbles. Like Tom and I, they have had to weather the tempests of other people’s opinions and judgements for taking unconventional paths in life, so it was really wonderful to spend a few hours catching up. I so enjoyed seeing them and feel very lucky to have them in my life. I think we’ll be a lot like this aunt and uncle in 30 years time…well, I hope so.

The open garden scheme run by Home Harvest last weekend, where we got to see five local backyard gardens and what the clever inhabitants had managed to achieve with them. I loved seeing pear and apple trees laden with fruit, beans climbing up frames, abundant patches of kale, silverbeet, beetroot, tomatoes and snow peas. I was so inspired. And reassured to see that many other Hobart gardeners have rogue pumpkins and potatoes too!

Reading

Just a few books I’ve devoured when I’ve not been chained to my desk…

I want to make particular note of Alison Croggon’s Monsters which might be my favourite book I’ve read this year. I devoured it in a day, could barely tear myself away from it. It was so poetically and cleverly written - taking the personal (a painful estrangement from her sister) and placing it within a wider global and cultural context, exploring how the “monsters” of racism, colonialism, privilege, white supremacy, and patriarchy have played out in the family history and in the eventual broken and dysfunctional dynamic Alison found herself in and how these attitudes have shaped her. She writes about how life for most white people who have grown up in the structures of colonialism and patriarchy becomes a series of convenient fictions, because we can’t find it in ourselves to truly acknowledge what horrific systems we are a part of - this is true of dysfunctional families as well. Alison thoughtfully and unflinchingly considers the “monsters” of her own life and psyche, her family and colonial Britain, which of course includes Australia, and, naturally, there are no neat endings or easy answers. It’s fascinating. I highly, highly recommend it.

I’ve also been enjoying Tamar Adler’s An Everlasting Meal which was mentioned in Diem Tran’s excellent newsletter a few weeks back. It’s all about cooking with economy and grace, with so many ideas for making the most of ingredients. I am loving it! Perfect bedtime reading.

The Guardian: Seven tips for eating well on a solo budget and yet another stolen generation.

Women’s Agenda: Michelle Yeoh’s epic win and call to women and girls (don’t let anyone ever tell you you’re past your prime!)

The Weekend Australian: A profile of one of my favourite novelists, who has a memoir coming out, and it sounds fascinating.

Listening to

I have been really enjoying Sarah Cahill’s The Future is Female, a three-volume series which celebrates and highlights women composers from the 17th century to the present day. It’s all piano music too, which I love! Wonderful writing music.

My inner autumn playlist, which naturally then went into winter, and now spring! But because the weather is so autumnal, I’m leaning back on the autumn playlist. I may or may not have mentioned but Tom and I use TIDAL, which is to our minds the most ethical of the current music streaming services, in that it does pay the artists.

PICKING

What the garden gave me one Thursday afternoon…..

The garden has been surprisingly prolific! The fig tree has been full of ripe fruit. I have given two bags away to a neighbour and a friend, and still have managed to have one or two each day sliced on pancakes, into a smoothie or just enjoyed on its own. Yesterday I picked another bowl:

Which I then roasted with white wine, brown sugar, cinnamon and star anise. They turned out beautifully and are so delicious. They’re now being stored in the fridge for this week’s breakfasts. I’ll be eating them with coconut yoghurt and granola, or on top of porridge. Yum!

I was also happy to see some of my own tomatoes in the garden finally turning red!

Picked quite a few zucchini too, which I’ve used in my cooking throughout the week. There are at least three more budding on the plant in the garden.

And then I woke up this morning to find a bag of vegetables - kale, silverbeet, more zucchini and more tomatoes - from my parents on the doorstep. They must have come past at an hour they knew we’d still be in bed! Kale and silverbeet are going in a soup tonight and the tomatoes might get made into a kasundi….

Eating

The last few weeks’ cooking and eating has been centred around making the most of the seasonal produce! I roasted a big tray of vegetables, which we enjoyed with pan-fried gnocchi; sautéed zucchini into buttery softness which becomes a wonderful pasta sauce; made bruschetta which is my favourite way to enjoy a glut of fresh tomatoes, from my garden or someone else’s; turned leftover porridge into pancakes which I topped with tahini, maple syrup, coconut yoghurt and fresh figs from the tree; a tofu scramble which was divine; a butter bean curry from Natural Flava which was delicious but so hot (1 tablespoon of curry powder next time rather than two, I think!)

I also did some baking with my zucchini and fig glut this weekend - chocolate courgette/zucchini cake from The Vegan Baking Bible with a lovely chocolate ganache icing on top, the usual banana bread with grated zucchini added, and the aforementioned roasted figs with spices and a pinot gris we didn’t like enough to drink but seems to be OK to cook with. In the banana bread and the figs, I used my favourite spice which was sent as a surprise from a kind friend in Melbourne. It arrived on a day I really needed cheering up and while she could not possibly have known that, she also somehow did in the way that kindred spirits always do.

And, of course, there were a few nights were we were too exhausted to do anything other than cook frozen dumplings or heat up leftover pasta and fall into a TV stupor! No need for photos of that. But know that it happens!

Drinking

Chai. Proper chai. It’s all I want to drink in autumn.

Watching

We got Binge in anticipation of the new season of Succession so not only have we rewatched season 3 so we remember what’s happened (!) but we finally caught up on the 2022 season of Masterchef UK, which has been one of my favourite shows for years. It was superb! Really loved seeing John and Gregg again, how well they nurture talent, and how inclusive this series was - it made me very happy to see a Deaf woman in the heats (it would have made my grandmother very happy too). It made me a little homesick for the UK too - or maybe nostalgic is the better word. Seeing familiar brands of foodstuffs I used to buy (though they always blur out the logos?!), remembering dishes I used to cook and the kinds of wonderful and different ingredients you could get. Great fun!

Likewise, have used getting Binge as an excuse to catch up on Call the Midwife, which is as wonderful and comforting and heart-wrenching as ever. One of my favourites!

As for films, I adored Maggie’s Plan, which Tom surprised me with - wonderfully written and acted, and really thought provoking. I love films set in New York City with quirky characters who are writers and academics, so this film was me to a tee.

It was a nice antidote to In Bruges, which we both watched for the first time the night before. I remember posters for it being all over the tube in London in 2008 when it first came out, but we never saw it until now. It was a bit too violent for me and hadn’t aged well - very homophobic with lots of ableist and fatphobic slurs that are just simply unacceptable, even if you’re trying to illustrate how repugnant a character is. Apparently, it’s supposed to symbolise purgatory - a setting that has always fascinated me, ever since I read T.S Eliot’s The Wasteland way back when. So even though The Banshees of Inisherin has won a lot of acclaim and I’m intrigued, as it’s the same team, I’m not sure it will be my cup of tea! But we’ll see.

We also watched Ford vs Ferrari which I surprisingly enjoyed. The race was a nail biter!

Wearing/ USING

I’ve been writing with my new metallic lilac Lamy fountain pen, which I treated myself to with some of my Van Diemen History Prize prize money. Every time I write with it, I try and remind myself I am an award-winning writer. It quiets the inner critic who has certainly not disappeared. I’m determined to keep it at bay and allow gratitude, humility and hope to be my guiding stars.

It keeps dawning on me - I am in what is likely my final year of my PhD. I am really trying to enjoy it because I have actually been working towards this my entire life. I want to remember as much and soak up as much as I can, and not be robbed of my pleasure and joy by fear, anxiety and self doubt, as I have been for so many years. I have let those things keep me small for long enough. I have also let the judgment of insecure people in the cheap seats keep me small for long enough. Now, the idea of playing small is more painful than the vulnerability of putting my hand up, of saying things out loud. It’s more painful than the risk that I’ll give it everything and it still won’t be enough. I don’t care about that anymore. I do not want to look back on this time with regrets. I want to make the most of every opportunity. People have said “if you don’t believe in yourself, you can’t expect anyone else to” to me for years but I finally understand how very, very true that is. And let’s face it, self doubt just gets very fucking boring after a while!

Grateful for

Everything. Like I said above, I’m trying to make gratitude my default position, even in the face of painful or inconvenient happenings. It really helps.

Quote of the week

“Half of life is lost in charming others. The other half is lost in going through anxieties caused by others. Leave this play. You’ve played enough.” - Rumi

If you’d like to share your thoughts on this post, or anything else, with me, please do! I hope you’re enjoying it getting warmer where you are, or finding things to savour about autumn as it gets cooler, like me! See you soon xx

Please note: this blog post has affiliate links with retailers such as Booktopia which means I may receive a commission for a sale that I refer, at no extra cost to you.

this week

Autumn has most definitely arrived in Tasmania. We woke up to snow on the mountain on Wednesday, and while I sipped this glass of Chardonnay, as it was a warm afternoon, yellow and rust-coloured leaves danced on the pavement outside in the breeze.

Favourite experience/s of the week

I’m an unofficial writer in residence at an old building in the city - the same building my main character lived and worked in in the 1820s - and spent a happy afternoon there working on my book. Afterwards, I met a friend for a wine and long overdue in-person catchup. We met at a media launch in 2019 and might have had every reason to lose touch because of the pandemic, but regardless of everything she’s had going on, she’s made time for me regularly over the last few years and that warms my heart no end.

I also loved being on campus this week for International Women’s Day where our school had an afternoon tea for staff and HDRs and it felt so wonderful to see people in the flesh again after so long. The campus feels alive again, in a way I haven’t witnessed for three years now…almost to the day.

I had a pretty good run on Thursday too, the morning after overnight rain. The smell of wet gum leaves was quite incredible, not to mention mind clearing.

Another of the week’s highlights was going round to spend an evening with my sister and her family. Her daughter, who is three, utterly adorable and heavily into Frozen, sang us most of the soundtrack. I held back tears watching her sing (and take a bow at the end as we applauded!) - not just because she’s so sweet and expressive, but her innocence, the complete innocence of all young children, just undoes me.

Reading

I adored Minnie Darke’s latest contemporary romance With Love From Wish & Co - as she’s a Tasmanian writer, the setting always feels quite Hobart (and therefore very cosy) to me. This was a delightful escapist read - Marnie is a young entrepreneur desperate to buy back her grandfather’s old store, currently in the hands of her cold and distant uncle with a grudge against her deceased father. She makes a career-ruining mistake with one of her best clients, throwing his 40-year marriage into jeopardy. He offers to help her try to buy back the family store, if she will work her magic and help him win his wife back. It’s whimsical and full of heart, and I just loved it.

A wonderful interview on Kate Forsyth’s website with the writer Alison Croggon, whom I always knew as the blogger behind theatre notes, a popular and acclaimed Australian theatre blog in the 2000s. I loved it when I lived in Melbourne and I loved it when I lived abroad, it helped me keep a somewhat steady finger on my country’s cultural pulse. I am so intrigued now to read her latest book, a hybrid memoir called Monsters. A lot of what Alison said in the interview I can really relate to. I think a book similar to hers might be in my writing future!

Lit Hub: Clare Pooley on Writerly Perseverance and Knowing When To Give Up and I’m also a subscriber to LitHub’s wonderful newsletter The Craft of Writing which this week featured one of my favourite writers, Xiaolu Guo on translating the self. I adore anything Guo writes and was intrigued to hear that this was an excerpt from a forthcoming anthology, Letters to a Writer of Color edited by Deepa Anappara and Taymour Soomro. Having looked at the contents and contributor list, I am so curious to read this once it’s out!

I absolutely devoured Julietta Singh’s No Archive Will Restore You in barely a day. One of my supervisors got me on to a fascinating hybrid genre of thought experiments centred around the theme of the archives - works that blend memoir, poetry, historiography and essay. This book is one of them and is so personal yet also embedded in the literature and theory of the body, subjectivity, and identity. Singh considers her body, aware of it “as both archive and archivist” (p.32), and poetically catalogues its legacies of pain, sexuality and desire, the “feral moan of childbirth” (p.70), identity and race, and finally, the unconscious, the “the most evasive archive of all” (p.97). It reminded me that our bodies hold historical traces of everything that has happened to them, everything that has gone in and come out. We are everything we have experienced. I found it absolutely fascinating and quite unputdownable. And I love the sound of the publisher, punctum books, too, for their tagline is spontaneous acts of scholarly combustion.

A favourite poem.

The Thesis Whisperer: Preparing for a binge-writing session (this will be me very soon) - I highly recommend this website to all PhD candidates. I subscribed to it perhaps in my very first week back in 2019 and Inger’s generous wisdom has been very reassuring over the years!

Sydney Review of Books: Jessie Cole on Art as Love

Finally - OMG, I cannot wait for this book! And this one!

Listening to

My nouveau pour l’écriture playlist

Katie Wighton’s new single Narcissist - absolute banger of a track and great official video too!

Tom and I have been working with our friend and indie Melbourne musician Mezz Coleman on her forthcoming album release - the first single has dropped and it’s amazing! We’re pretty proud of the artwork, I took the photo and Tom did the rest!

How to Fail: Rick Astley - really enjoyed this interview with an icon of 1980s music who would have every reason in the world to have a big head but he really doesn’t. Also Margaret Atwood on wisdom, witchcraft and womanhood - any interview with Margaret is bound to be wonderful, I listened to this one on my run and felt her strength push me on, up the inclines.

Best Friend Therapy - Inside the therapy room - what it’s like to be a therapist, how to find a good one and lots more.

Picking

Our neighbour texted me to say come round, pick whatever I wanted - I didn’t need to be asked twice! I came round with a small bowl, which she took one look at and replied, “go home and get a bigger bowl!” She very kindly gave me some 4kg of tomatoes, some zucchini and cucumbers, as well as a bag of rocket and dill.

I picked some of my own zucchini (the only one left that the possums hadn’t got at! Well, I hope it’s possums. The other possibility is too ghastly to contemplate), silverbeet, rhubarb and strawberries. The wind picked a lemon for me! And I picked all the ripe figs on my tree and left them on my neighbour’s doorstep. A few days later, more have ripened.

Eating

Rather than preserve all the tomatoes my neighbour gave me, I’m trying to cook with them all instead. Hence, our diets will be quite high in lycopene for the forseeable!

I made this Nigel Slater tomato pasta recipe but I found it a bit…grassy. I think that was my olive oil! The grassiness was remedied by plenty of nutritional yeast.

I also made Nigel’s tomatoes and couscous recipe from his A Cook’s Book which I ended up making with rice instead of couscous because I didn’t have enough….and only checked this once I had embarked upon the roasting of the tomatoes. I will never learn. But the citrus spiced rice from Elly Pear’s Green was a lovely accompaniment - and the citrus was my lemon from my own tree. Though I’m not sure how the recipe is meant to serve 6-10. It served me and Tom, with no leftovers!

Two more recipes from Elly Pear’s Green cookbook for seasonal produce - Piedmont peppers (red capsicums stuffed with tomatoes and garlic, and roasted) and zucchini agrodolce. Both eaten with rocket salad and bread for lunch.

My zucchini and butter bean soup, the perfect vehicle for the giant, more marrow-like zucchini and all the lovely soft herbs from my neighbour’s garden. The green chilli I used was from a bag in the freezer of chillies my lovely beautician Lisa gave me last autumn!

Some lovely Deliciously Ella recipes including a sweet potato and lentil stew and a tofu chickpea korma.

An epic lasagna made from ragu I had in the freezer from last year, and we made the pasta dough fresh using this recipe. This fed us for three dinners and reminded me of how delicious and comforting lasagna is - I must make it again very soon!

A three-fruit crumble made with rhubarb and strawberries from my garden, and apples from my aunt’s garden. Eating it reminded me that there are many consolations of it getting colder and darker.

The Full Vegan of course made an appearance at the weekend, with sausages, and I managed to have one of my favourite silken tofu bowls on a less cold morning!

Lots of plans for the rest of the tomatoes in the coming week - including a tomato and cashew pilaf which I’ve cooked before and really enjoyed. Though, after reading quite a bit of Nigel Slater, I am now of course craving potatoes and wishing those were ready in my garden right now. I suspect I will have to wait a few more weeks at least.

Drinking

Quite a bit of Chardonnay.

I also had the most incredible cold drink at Hobart institution (and all vegan, I was surprised to learn!) Bury Me Standing - the Grandma Barb, which is iced coffee with vanilla. It sounds simple but it was like drinking a (I want to say warm, but it was iced!) hug. Tom tasted it and immediately regretted not getting one too!

Source

Watching

We decided to go with an absurdist theme for our weekend viewing, and started with Noah Baumbach’s adaptation of Don DeLillo’s White Noise (Netflix). Personally I can never resist a Greta and Noah film, regardless of who’s directing or acting - I know it will make me think and laugh. I studied White Noise as an undergrad and was surprised by how much I loved it (a rare thing for assigned texts, I found). Having not read the book since I was 18, I was intrigued to see how much of it I’d remember.

Set in 1984, White Noise centres around Jack Gladney, a professor of Hitler Studies (a field of study he invented, his colleague wants to do the same with Elvis Presley) at a small college, who lives with his wife Babette and their blended family - it’s the fourth marriage for both. Almost immediately, the film’s themes of consumerist domination of our culture and fear of death are apparent - the supermarket is a central setting for many key scenes, bright and dazzling and confusing, urging people to buy now, buy more. Jack and Babette (played brilliantly by Adam Driver and Greta Gerwig) have their idiosyncrasies and quirks, but mostly their life with their startlingly mature and insightful children is quite idyllic. This is shattered by an “air-borne toxic event” - a train collision with an oil tanker releases toxic chemicals into the air near their town (scarily quite similar to the Ohio train derailment which happened just last month) and they must evacuate their home. Almost instantly, we see the children remaining calm and more knowledgeable about what is going on while the adults panic, finding they can no longer contain their deep fears about death and struggle to cope with the impending doom. It turns out much has been going on for Jack and Babette without the other knowing.

It’s (unsurprisingly) noisy, hard to follow at times, funny, moving, well acted and terrifyingly prescient in some respects. Most of all, it’s about how we try to keep the chaos of life, and our fears of death, large-scale ruin and destruction, at bay by filling our lives with, you guessed it, white noise. And shopping.

“Well, if you liked that, you will have no trouble following tomorrow’s film,” Tom remarked as the end credits rolled!

Source

Everything Everywhere All At Once (4K BluRay) was one of the most creative, mind-bending films I’ve possibly ever seen. It’s weird, daring, fantastical, and very funny but its beating heart is the universal search for love, belonging and meaning. I absolutely loved it.

Evelyn Quan Wang (played by Michelle Yeoh) is a middle-aged immigrant whose life is both mundane and spinning out of control. She runs a laundromat with her husband, Waymond (Ke Huy Quan) who feels increasingly lonely and disconnected from his wife, even going so far as to prepare divorce papers. Two decades prior, they were full of hope and passion, for life and each other, when they eloped to the United States where their daughter, Joy (Stephanie Hsu), was born. Life in the US has entailed a lot of hard work and sacrifice for them both, and now they are being audited by the IRS - something that would give anyone anxiety and sleepless nights. To top it off, Evelyn’s father (James Hong) is visiting for the first time in years which is also putting the family on edge.

Not quite the setting for an epic kung-fu adventure in the multiverse, right? WRONG.

From hotdog fingers, to googly-eyed rocks, the everything Bagel and some impressive martial arts, this is a film that is not only visually stunning and imaginative, but it embraces its wackiness and takes the audience along for the ride. You can tell that every member of the cast had a ball being involved. It’s worth watching for Jamie Lee Curtis alone, who is almost unrecognisable and incredibly funny. We’ve all known a Deirdre. And even she is humanised!

Everything is put together with care and passion, and the performances, particularly Michelle Yeoh’s, are just stunning. Underneath all the dazzling visuals and kooky-ness of the parallel universes is a simple story of a family struggling to connect with each other. It’s about living with regrets, unmet needs, dreams you didn’t dare to have. It’s about how love and kindness are so very healing.

Ann Lee at The Guardian has discussed why it deserves Best Picture at the Oscars and I also enjoyed seeing a therapist decode and react to the film. UPDATE: It cleaned up at the Oscars, and most deservedly so!

What else have we watched - we finished Season 5 of The Crown (Netflix), which was gripping and addictive, particularly as we’re now in the era we remember. I wasn’t convinced by all of the cast changes but Imelda Staunton as the Queen and Elizabeth Debicki as Diana were very convincing. We’re also re-watching the last season of Succession (Binge) so we’re ready for when the final season drops in a few weeks!

Wearing/using

LUSH’s latest shower gel Sticky Dates which smells like toffee and vanilla. Perfect for autumn, I love it!

Jeans, for the first time all year.

Quote of the week

Courtesy of some hard rubbish that was on our street! It felt poignant and poetic, and like a sign from the Universe.

All we have is now.

If you’d like to share your thoughts on this post, or anything else, with me, please do!

I hope you’re also finding things in your world to savour, that give you joy, that make you think and smile.

Please note: this blog post has affiliate links with retailers such as Booktopia which means I may receive a commission for a sale that I refer, at no extra cost to you.

The Van Diemen History Prize 2022-23

I have some rather brilliant news to share - I am the joint winner (with Assoc Prof Terry Mulhern of the University of Melbourne) of the Van Diemen History Writing Prize 2022-23!

My essay, “Anatomy of a Scandal: A Love Triangle in 1820s Hobart Town”, which details the event and people at the centre of my PhD project, will be published in an anthology of Tasmanian history writing in mid-2023.

I have to make special mention of John, a reader in Queensland, who sparked this whole thing - he read an article of mine in a family history magazine and was under the impression that my PhD novel was already finished (not even close!!) and published (dreaming!), and he contacted Forty South to enquire, as they are Tasmania’s leading independent publisher. They rang me (well, they rang Tom because he was connected to them through his work, #Hobart!) to let me know there had been some interest. “You should enter our history writing prize,” they suggested when I told them what I was working on.

Ten months later, here we are. I never in a million years thought I would win - I was just happy that I wrote something I was pleased with and made the deadline. Just entering felt like a win, to be honest. All I wanted out of this year, as I’ve written previously, was to stop letting my inner critic run the show and just try. To put my hat in the ring and start playing in the arena where I feel my true work is. Without the constant distractions, comparisons and time suck of social media, I had no excuses, only myself getting in my own way. And I was determined to get out of it.

But more than that, there is a special kind of momentum within this project, that I’ve never had on anything I’ve worked on before. The response I get from people when I tell them about the novel, and the central characters and incidents that I wrote about in my Van Diemen essay, is always enthusiastic and curious. I can’t wait to see what happens next with it…and actually finish it, of course.

Thank you Forty South for this great honour. To have such wonderful recognition at this stage of the project (I liken it to Mile 16 of the marathon, there’s still quite a way to go!) has been incredible, humbling and deeply encouraging, and my gratitude for this support and validation of my work is truly boundless.

this week

Tug of war with a very cute golden retriever!

Well, even with an alteration to my publishing schedule, I’m still a day late with my This Week post because this weekend just gone involved back-to-back social engagements which I don’t think has happened since…early 2020?! It felt like our first “normal” weekend in a very long time which was very strange (and tiring) but also lots and lots of fun.

Tom snapped the picture above on Saturday as we took a dear friend out for her 40th birthday and then had sunset drinks back at hers with her adorable dog, which made both Tom and I want one of our own very much. There might be a visit to the Hobart Dog’s Home very soon.

Much like last week, this one passed in a blur of work, deadlines and trying to dress appropriately for the weather, and not always succeeding. Not that I’m complaining about those beautiful late winter days that Hobart does so well, where the sky is so clear and blue it’s like glass, the sun is out but the air is still cool, and the gardens are a riot of pink, white and yellow blossoms. They are golden days, indeed.

Favourite experience/s of the week

Apart from spending time with friends and family, it would have to be printing out a full draft of my PhD novel, having literally cut and pasted and reorganised it into its relevant sections so I know where the gaps are, and feeling very excited that I might have hit on its title, at long last. Tom took a picture of me to mark the occasion!

There were many long days with the book this past week, days where I wrote 500 words but then deleted another 2000, which can be very disheartening. But the draft is slowly taking shape. It’s difficult but ultimately very satisfying work.

Reading

I finished an ARC of Cat Lady by Dawn O’Porter (coming out in October) which was, like all Dawn’s novels, compelling and hilarious but also perilously on the edge of disturbing in places. This novel is a really interesting deconstruction of the “cat lady” stereotype (and other stereotypes too) as well as an exploration of mental health, grief, trauma and abuse of power, as well as the powerful love and bond one can have with animals who, let’s face it, tend to love a bit more unconditionally than humans do. I really enjoyed it but did find myself absolutely cringing at one point, wondering how far Dawn was going to go with it! I do admire authors who are braver than I ever would be!

I also started reading a memoir, My Own Devices by Dessa, which I ordered from the US, and am adoring it so far. Deeply intelligent and thoughtful writing about life as a working musician as well as a woman who is curious about her parents, her upbringing, science, psychology, heartache, the search for happiness as well as the search for what is real. I believe she has a podcast too so I’ll be seeking that out!

Plus the usual PhD reading - my favourite was Spontaneous Particulars: The Telepathy of Archives by poet Susan Howe, which was a stunning exploration of what it is like to work with archives, how these dusty folders and piles of papers are in fact alive, full of stories and mysteries. She also captures the surprises, the chance encounters, and the occasional shocks one can have when working with an archive. It was a real inspiration for my exegetical work.

Amy Letter: Quitting Social Media Part One and Part Two - I recently discovered Amy and her work, and these posts on quitting social media were, I’m sure you won’t be surprised, deeply relevant and resonant for me!

Listening to

Inspired by my reading, I’ve been listening to a lot of Dessa and Amanda Palmer, as well as my usual writing and running music. Perhaps the musicians I’ve been drawn to this past week are also reflective of the fact that I’ve reached a point in my manuscript where my main character is - inasmuch as she could in 1820s Hobart Town - fighting back against prejudice and oppressive stereotypes and expectations, attempting to contextualise and give a voice to her pain and trauma. Reading Dessa’s memoir has made her music more meaningful for me, and I particularly identify with her saying that her work seems to have recurring themes, a persistent thread of sadness and heartache. I have found the same with my own body of work. I had thought after writing The Latte Years that I might be done with its themes, but no - they appear persistently in everything I write. I too seem destined to keep striking the same bell and I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I write to work through things, to understand and process them. Things I know so many other women have grappled with too - even women who lived 200 years ago. I think that’s one of my main drivers for my current novel, that a story of female resilience from colonial Australia can have so much resonance for women now…well, it certainly does for me.

Best Friend Therapy: Divorce - is it failure or evolution? How does it affect wider relationships? Is there a way to divorce well? I always enjoy this podcast and have listened to some episodes many times over, but this was probably the least resonant episode for me so far. I found that surprising, as I expected to relate hard to the subject matter but instead found it was all stuff I had dealt with a long time ago and didn’t feel the need to rake over again. Which is definitely a good thing! Listening to this episode made me feel very grateful, and not for the first time, that if getting divorced was a life experience I was always destined to have, that it happened to me in my twenties. It was painful enough when the whole relationship had been relatively short; from what I can tell it’s even harder when you’ve been together for decades and have all of the collateral that a shared life of that length entails. The emotional pain of a marriage breakdown, even when you know it’s for the best, is not something I’d wish on anyone but I hope that the stories I’ve shared over the years prove that you can thrive on the other side of it.

The First Time: Kate and Katherine catch up + featured book, Denizen by James McKenzie Watson I always enjoy this podcast and now that I’m not on social media anymore, I like to listen to their catch-up episodes as well to find out what these two very interesting and lovely-sounding writers get up to and are inspired by.

WILD with Sarah Wilson: Mark O’Connell, meet the apocalypse preppers - far out, this was an eye-opener! I found the discussion about how the world’s super-rich are buying up land in New Zealand to escape the apocalypse could be viewed as a second wave of colonialism very, very interesting and noted many parallels with what I’ve observed happening in Tasmania since the start of the pandemic.

Wellness Unpacked with Ella Mills (formerly the Deliciously Ella podcast): How to change habits, taking life off hold and mindful eating with Shahroo Izadi - I loved this interview. Shahroo is fantastic - her first interview with Ella a few years ago was one of my favourites of the earlier seasons and she’s yet again right on the money with her observations and advice. Really inspiring and a great listen.

Eating

Gosh, this is always a long section isn’t it? How un-shocking! Once more, it was a case of cooking up on Sunday and eating the results for most of the week though there were a few surprises in there too. No baking this week, though I had plenty of last week’s lime and ginger cake and the week before’s vegan gingerbread to nibble at. I’ve been reading a wonderful vegan baking book and am keen to try a few of the recipes.

Friday’s lunch - vegetables, chickpeas and noodles which tasted so incredible!

Sunday: Minestrone soup

Monday: We had our friend Jack over for dinner and I made a couple of vegan curries - a simple potato one and a dal makhani (based on Dishoom’s recipe for their house black dal, though to be honest I mostly looked at the back of the packet of dal makhani spices I bought from a specialist spice shop in Moonah!), which we had with rice, spicy apple chutney I made last autumn and flatbreads. It was quite a feast! I can’t believe I didn’t take any photos…but that’s what being off social media does to you, haha!

Tuesday: Tofu fried rice (to use up the leftover rice)

Wednesday: Potato curry

Thursday: Gnocchi with pesto, rocket and aged walnut cheese that all needed using up - delicious!

Friday: Broccoli miso pasta (OMG this was amazing and I will totally be writing up the recipe)

Broccoli miso pasta. So divinely creamy and indulgent, I found it hard to believe it was vegan!

Saturday: Homemade pizza - which we hadn’t had in SO long and I am definitely bringing back!

Lunch out at Frogmore Creek on Saturday. Arancini balls - but the apple and fennel salad in the middle was the real star of the show!

Sunday: Leftover homemade pizza!

But I was most impressed with lunches this week as well - particularly Friday’s where, craving something green and wholesome, I cooked some green vegetables with a can of chickpeas, added them to some rice vermicelli noodles, dressed the whole lot with soy and chilli, and scattered the top with pumpkin seeds. So nourishing and delicious!

We also had a lovely meal out on Saturday at Frogmore Creek, a winery about half an hour away, one of our favourite places.

Drinking

We had some very nice wines on Saturday and I also had some whisky for the first time all year! I felt I couldn’t really get to the end of winter without indulging at least once. I had missed that delicious burn in the throat.

During the day it’s been tea, tea and more tea - chai, Bengal spice, and ginger mostly. Anything warming.

Picking

The usual suspects - celery, chard and perpetual spinach - but this week we noticed the rhubarb is back! I’m not sure if I can pick it to eat this year or whether I have to wait another year (I planted it last year) but it looks very robust and healthy. I’m quite excited for spring planting now - just need to dig some more compost in and my beds will be good to go.

Watching

The usual suspects, though we’re now on to The Thick of It as well as our current favourites. We haven't quite had the headspace for films (well, I’m speaking for myself here - Tom always has the headspace for films!) of an evening after the long days we’ve had, so something hilarious has been just the ticket.

Wearing

My coat, scarf and hat for half the week, and then not!

A gorgeous comfy red floral dress I bought from Seasalt Cornwall, my favourite UK clothing brand, when we were there a few months ago. I can’t find a link to it, it would appear the seasons have definitely changed now!

Grateful for

My husband, my family, caring friends, my good health - the usual suspects!

Quote of the week

“No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anybody but oneself.” - Virginia Woolf

If you’d like to share your thoughts on this post, or anything else, with me, please do! I hope you’re also finding things to savour and ponder, that give you joy and nourishment xx

where two roads diverged: the latte years hobart launch

The Hobart launch of The Latte Years a few months ago was not unlike a wedding - gathering in great excitement with my parents and siblings at the family home beforehand, with sparkling wine and hair and makeup preparations; a fancy car to take us right to the door; getting my photo snapped the minute I alighted outside Fullers Bookshop; speeches; even a CAKE (!); but most of all, seeing the faces of so many people I love and knowing they were all there to celebrate something very special.

Also like a wedding, it's amazing how suddenly you get so incredibly nervous, knowing that everyone's there because of you! 

But it was wonderful, utterly wonderful, in every way. Like my wedding day, I'd do it all again tomorrow and wouldn't change a thing.

An aside: towards the end of 2004, as it began occurring to me that I needed to start at least trying to extricate the shit out of the blades of the fan that was my life, I joined a T.S Eliot appreciation group that met once a week at Fullers Bookshop in Collins Street, Hobart. I was the youngest person in the group, by about a quarter of a century, but I loved it. Our leader was passionate and inspiring, and it was rocket fuel for my brain that had been lying dormant since graduating from uni two years before. The discussions always ended in the Afterword Cafe, where we were given coffees and slivers of fudge. So to say it was surreal, just over 11 years later, to be back there launching my own book, is something of an understatement! 

If you've ever been to Fullers, you'll know what an oasis it is. It's one of the world's loveliest bookshops, warm and comforting like a favourite relative's house, and smells like two of my most favourite things in the world - books and coffee.  It was amazing to be there, and to see my book everywhere I looked!

My friend and one of my most favourite writers of all time (if you haven't read Mothers Grimm, go and get it now, it's amazing!), Danielle Wood, officially launched The Latte Years. She began by reading a poem very dear to my heart, Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken", and these are a few of the very kind words that followed:

“Phil’s story is not really so much about health, fitness and body issues, but about a journey every single one of us will understand - the journey to being the very best version of ourselves that we can possibly be. ”

“...we are, every single day of our lives, every single moment, confronted by diverging paths. The choice of what to do, what to say, what to think....with each tiny choice, we are forging our character. And that’s what The Latte Years is really all about.

..it’s not a matter of choosing the steep, difficult and challenging path once. As Phil tells us in The Latte Years, you have to keep choosing it. Every single time two roads diverge in a yellow wood. And that will make all the difference.”

And then it was my turn to say a few words and, to be honest, I was quite overcome. I felt overwhelmed with gratitude and love, for everyone in the room. A friend had flown over from New Zealand to be there, another from New South Wales, and another still had flown down from Melbourne that day as a surprise, and casually strolled into Fullers with her baby strapped to her back and into my gobsmacked, overjoyed and utterly overwhelmed arms. There were old friends there, some I've known for 30 years or more; family; former classmates, their partners and children; women who taught me in primary and secondary school; and even a handful of readers I had never met but who wanted to come and say hello (and I'm so glad they did!). It felt strange but unbelievably wonderful that this little book I had drafted and redrafted, smiled and cried over, alone in my study on the other side of the world was now out and being read. It was all now real. It had gone beyond a Word file on my Macbook and was now a real book. I was a real author. And I got to celebrate it by returning to where I'd come from, where the story began.  

“Many of you would know that The Latte Years started life as a novel. Fiction is a wonderful vehicle for so many things but in this case, it was a shield. It was a way to distance myself from everything that had happened. I told myself I was trying to make it more universal but in truth it was a way of trying to rewrite the past, to bring everything to more satisfying conclusions than had been reached in real life.

But The Latte Years became the book it was destined to be, and that it needed to be. I had to write this book exactly as it is. Our stories choose us, we don’t choose them.

And the thing about being brave that we’re never told is that it’s not about feeling righteous and invincible, all swords and shields. Being brave is about putting the shield down.

I wrote this book because I knew I couldn’t possibly be the only person in the world who lost their way in their youth and life didn’t turn out as planned. I couldn’t be the only person who went through a divorce in their twenties and had to learn how to heal, trust and love again after heartbreak. I couldn’t be the only one who found out success has a dark side. I couldn’t be the only one who’s had ‘friends’ screw them over. I couldn’t be the only one who has reached a goal, that was once upon a time so out of reach, and then wondered ‘what’s next?’

And it turns out, I’m not. Far from it. The response to The Latte Years has been beyond anything I could have hoped for. I’m so happy that it’s helped so many people, because it’s also helped me. It turns out it was a book even I needed! I needed to remember the strength and power we all have to turn our lives around when we’ve lost our way. I needed to remember how empowering it is to take responsibility for your life and your choices.

Most of all, I needed reminding that the past is the past. I can’t change any of it. And now, I don’t know if I would, even if I could. Because it got me to right here, right now. And I wouldn’t change that for anything.”

And then it was time to drink wine and sign some books. By the time we reached the end of the line, my hand hadn't been that sore since university exams in 2001, but it was totally worth it. I was told I had attracted a bigger crowd than Molly Meldrum! Ha ha.

One of the things I didn't anticipate writing a memoir is how INSANELY FUN it is when so many of your 'characters' show up to your book launch...including Sarah and Dave from Canada!! 

How often do you get a world famous author show up to your book launch?! I was a squealing fan-girl on the inside!

Fullers were amazing - they even did this gorgeous window display which I couldn't get enough pictures of. Occasionally I stood on the pavement and just stared at it (and got curious stares in return!). 

I know it sounds silly but I'm still having moments of OH MY GOD I WROTE A BOOK IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING? and I have occasional moments of overwhelming pride and disbelief, when I see a picture of it being read somewhere, or my own copy on my shelf in my study, that I wrote that. It's still all sinking in, like I wrote in my last post.

Thank you again Fullers Bookshop and if you were there that night in Hobart, thank you for being a part of it. It was one of the happiest nights of my life. 

Now how about a (virtual) piece of that amazing cake?