The last strawberries!
Well, this week has turned into last week and last week turned into the week before last in the blink of an eye!
Sorry everyone. I have constant deadlines at the moment, as well as a few other stressful things happening behind the scenes which I don’t feel at liberty to discuss publicly so yes, needless to say, life has been and probably will continue to be hectic. But I’m trying to hold on to this space I’ve carved out for myself, to record the small details of life as I’m living it now. One day this will be the past and I’ll be glad I took the time to put it all down. One year can turn into five so quickly.
A few days ago we lit the fire in the house for the first time since December. It’s quite cold now in the evenings and the mornings - whenever the sun isn’t out, basically. I think I’ve picked the last strawberries. The autumnal air is still slightly tinged with the last breath of summer, but soon it will be woodsmoke, piles of leaves, earth being turned over.
This is an in-between time, I’ve come to realise - much like September is in the northern hemisphere, so is March in the south. Summer is definitely over, but we’re not quite in full-blown autumn yet. I’m still drinking crisp and cold white wine but craving the warmth and sweetness of a fruit crumble. Soaking up the sun, and even still sporting a tan in places, but also savouring the coziness of a favourite jumper, which is now always within easy reach.
highlights
Handing in 20,000 words to my supervisors, on time! I looked at the “Properties” of the Word document I submitted…7,076 minutes have been spent on the document, which translates to nearly 118 hours. It didn’t feel like it! And yet when my head hits the pillow every night, I sleep the sleep of the truly spent.
Writing and sipping tea in a colonial house merely metres away from where my character would have sipped tea too, two hundred years ago.
A catchup with a dear friend of 37 years over proper chai and vegan peanut butter cookies the size of our heads. I am godmother to her son, who will be 18 this year. It doesn’t feel that long ago that we were celebrating our own 18ths!
Figs I grew featured on the cheese platter! They were delicious with a piece of aged cashew cheese on top.
A much-loved aunt and uncle visiting from interstate, whom I hadn’t seen since 2019, coming round for drinks and nibbles. Like Tom and I, they have had to weather the tempests of other people’s opinions and judgements for taking unconventional paths in life, so it was really wonderful to spend a few hours catching up. I so enjoyed seeing them and feel very lucky to have them in my life. I think we’ll be a lot like this aunt and uncle in 30 years time…well, I hope so.
The open garden scheme run by Home Harvest last weekend, where we got to see five local backyard gardens and what the clever inhabitants had managed to achieve with them. I loved seeing pear and apple trees laden with fruit, beans climbing up frames, abundant patches of kale, silverbeet, beetroot, tomatoes and snow peas. I was so inspired. And reassured to see that many other Hobart gardeners have rogue pumpkins and potatoes too!
Reading
Just a few books I’ve devoured when I’ve not been chained to my desk…
I want to make particular note of Alison Croggon’s Monsters which might be my favourite book I’ve read this year. I devoured it in a day, could barely tear myself away from it. It was so poetically and cleverly written - taking the personal (a painful estrangement from her sister) and placing it within a wider global and cultural context, exploring how the “monsters” of racism, colonialism, privilege, white supremacy, and patriarchy have played out in the family history and in the eventual broken and dysfunctional dynamic Alison found herself in and how these attitudes have shaped her. She writes about how life for most white people who have grown up in the structures of colonialism and patriarchy becomes a series of convenient fictions, because we can’t find it in ourselves to truly acknowledge what horrific systems we are a part of - this is true of dysfunctional families as well. Alison thoughtfully and unflinchingly considers the “monsters” of her own life and psyche, her family and colonial Britain, which of course includes Australia, and, naturally, there are no neat endings or easy answers. It’s fascinating. I highly, highly recommend it.
I’ve also been enjoying Tamar Adler’s An Everlasting Meal which was mentioned in Diem Tran’s excellent newsletter a few weeks back. It’s all about cooking with economy and grace, with so many ideas for making the most of ingredients. I am loving it! Perfect bedtime reading.
The Guardian: Seven tips for eating well on a solo budget and yet another stolen generation.
Women’s Agenda: Michelle Yeoh’s epic win and call to women and girls (don’t let anyone ever tell you you’re past your prime!)
The Weekend Australian: A profile of one of my favourite novelists, who has a memoir coming out, and it sounds fascinating.
Listening to
I have been really enjoying Sarah Cahill’s The Future is Female, a three-volume series which celebrates and highlights women composers from the 17th century to the present day. It’s all piano music too, which I love! Wonderful writing music.
My inner autumn playlist, which naturally then went into winter, and now spring! But because the weather is so autumnal, I’m leaning back on the autumn playlist. I may or may not have mentioned but Tom and I use TIDAL, which is to our minds the most ethical of the current music streaming services, in that it does pay the artists.
PICKING
What the garden gave me one Thursday afternoon…..
The garden has been surprisingly prolific! The fig tree has been full of ripe fruit. I have given two bags away to a neighbour and a friend, and still have managed to have one or two each day sliced on pancakes, into a smoothie or just enjoyed on its own. Yesterday I picked another bowl:
Which I then roasted with white wine, brown sugar, cinnamon and star anise. They turned out beautifully and are so delicious. They’re now being stored in the fridge for this week’s breakfasts. I’ll be eating them with coconut yoghurt and granola, or on top of porridge. Yum!
I was also happy to see some of my own tomatoes in the garden finally turning red!
Picked quite a few zucchini too, which I’ve used in my cooking throughout the week. There are at least three more budding on the plant in the garden.
And then I woke up this morning to find a bag of vegetables - kale, silverbeet, more zucchini and more tomatoes - from my parents on the doorstep. They must have come past at an hour they knew we’d still be in bed! Kale and silverbeet are going in a soup tonight and the tomatoes might get made into a kasundi….
Eating
The last few weeks’ cooking and eating has been centred around making the most of the seasonal produce! I roasted a big tray of vegetables, which we enjoyed with pan-fried gnocchi; sautéed zucchini into buttery softness which becomes a wonderful pasta sauce; made bruschetta which is my favourite way to enjoy a glut of fresh tomatoes, from my garden or someone else’s; turned leftover porridge into pancakes which I topped with tahini, maple syrup, coconut yoghurt and fresh figs from the tree; a tofu scramble which was divine; a butter bean curry from Natural Flava which was delicious but so hot (1 tablespoon of curry powder next time rather than two, I think!)
I also did some baking with my zucchini and fig glut this weekend - chocolate courgette/zucchini cake from The Vegan Baking Bible with a lovely chocolate ganache icing on top, the usual banana bread with grated zucchini added, and the aforementioned roasted figs with spices and a pinot gris we didn’t like enough to drink but seems to be OK to cook with. In the banana bread and the figs, I used my favourite spice which was sent as a surprise from a kind friend in Melbourne. It arrived on a day I really needed cheering up and while she could not possibly have known that, she also somehow did in the way that kindred spirits always do.
And, of course, there were a few nights were we were too exhausted to do anything other than cook frozen dumplings or heat up leftover pasta and fall into a TV stupor! No need for photos of that. But know that it happens!
Drinking
Chai. Proper chai. It’s all I want to drink in autumn.
Watching
We got Binge in anticipation of the new season of Succession so not only have we rewatched season 3 so we remember what’s happened (!) but we finally caught up on the 2022 season of Masterchef UK, which has been one of my favourite shows for years. It was superb! Really loved seeing John and Gregg again, how well they nurture talent, and how inclusive this series was - it made me very happy to see a Deaf woman in the heats (it would have made my grandmother very happy too). It made me a little homesick for the UK too - or maybe nostalgic is the better word. Seeing familiar brands of foodstuffs I used to buy (though they always blur out the logos?!), remembering dishes I used to cook and the kinds of wonderful and different ingredients you could get. Great fun!
Likewise, have used getting Binge as an excuse to catch up on Call the Midwife, which is as wonderful and comforting and heart-wrenching as ever. One of my favourites!
As for films, I adored Maggie’s Plan, which Tom surprised me with - wonderfully written and acted, and really thought provoking. I love films set in New York City with quirky characters who are writers and academics, so this film was me to a tee.
It was a nice antidote to In Bruges, which we both watched for the first time the night before. I remember posters for it being all over the tube in London in 2008 when it first came out, but we never saw it until now. It was a bit too violent for me and hadn’t aged well - very homophobic with lots of ableist and fatphobic slurs that are just simply unacceptable, even if you’re trying to illustrate how repugnant a character is. Apparently, it’s supposed to symbolise purgatory - a setting that has always fascinated me, ever since I read T.S Eliot’s The Wasteland way back when. So even though The Banshees of Inisherin has won a lot of acclaim and I’m intrigued, as it’s the same team, I’m not sure it will be my cup of tea! But we’ll see.
We also watched Ford vs Ferrari which I surprisingly enjoyed. The race was a nail biter!
Wearing/ USING
I’ve been writing with my new metallic lilac Lamy fountain pen, which I treated myself to with some of my Van Diemen History Prize prize money. Every time I write with it, I try and remind myself I am an award-winning writer. It quiets the inner critic who has certainly not disappeared. I’m determined to keep it at bay and allow gratitude, humility and hope to be my guiding stars.
It keeps dawning on me - I am in what is likely my final year of my PhD. I am really trying to enjoy it because I have actually been working towards this my entire life. I want to remember as much and soak up as much as I can, and not be robbed of my pleasure and joy by fear, anxiety and self doubt, as I have been for so many years. I have let those things keep me small for long enough. I have also let the judgment of insecure people in the cheap seats keep me small for long enough. Now, the idea of playing small is more painful than the vulnerability of putting my hand up, of saying things out loud. It’s more painful than the risk that I’ll give it everything and it still won’t be enough. I don’t care about that anymore. I do not want to look back on this time with regrets. I want to make the most of every opportunity. People have said “if you don’t believe in yourself, you can’t expect anyone else to” to me for years but I finally understand how very, very true that is. And let’s face it, self doubt just gets very fucking boring after a while!
Grateful for
Everything. Like I said above, I’m trying to make gratitude my default position, even in the face of painful or inconvenient happenings. It really helps.
Quote of the week
“Half of life is lost in charming others. The other half is lost in going through anxieties caused by others. Leave this play. You’ve played enough.” - Rumi
If you’d like to share your thoughts on this post, or anything else, with me, please do! I hope you’re enjoying it getting warmer where you are, or finding things to savour about autumn as it gets cooler, like me! See you soon xx
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