tomatoes and third drafts

When I think about the current state of my novel (is it even a novel anymore? That’s a question for another day!), these words of Henry Miller spring to mind:

“I had to grow foul with knowledge, realise the futility of everything, smash everything, grow desperate, then humble, then sponge myself off the slate, as it were, in order to recover my authenticity. I had to arrive at the brink and then take a leap in the dark.”

Meanwhile, it’s now the start of autumn in Tasmania, which means tomatoes are ripe and plentiful. My parents came round today with a crate for me - they drove to a pick-your-own-farm half an hour out of the city where these beauties were a steal at $2 a kilogram.

I washed and chopped several kilograms of them and was reassured that, even though my mind is a constant whirl of what the fuck am I doing with this novel or whatever it’s turned into and how is this ever going to work, if I put tomatoes, onions, garlic, thyme, oregano, basil, wine and stock in a slow cooker, put it on high for four hours and walk away, I will come back and it will have turned into a thick, rich and delicious sauce. There is also now an open bottle of wine.

may

An autumnal bounty from the New Norfolk markets in early May. The last blackberries of the season!

Friends, how is it June? How?!

I figured if I don’t write you an update soon, it will be Christmas before you hear from me again - so here I am. The only excuse I can offer for my lengthy silence is busy-ness and so much time being spent writing and thinking and reading that in my leisure time I yearn to look at something other than a computer screen.

You may have guessed, the heat has been turned up on my PhD - I am now almost 75% of the way there with it. If we apply the metaphor of running a marathon to the PhD (it’s one of my favourite metaphors, as I’m sure you’ve noticed over the years), I am at the equivalent of almost at Mile 20. To be honest, this is the part of running the London Marathon that I don’t remember. Miles 19 to about 23 were a real blur! It’s an apt comparison. I don’t know where the last few months have gone.

But, as I said to a friend last week, I have waited my entire life to do this so I am determined to savour and enjoy it as much as I can, rather than give in to the overwhelm. The marathon at the 75% stage was just a matter of staying mentally strong and getting through it until I was really on the final stretch, but I don’t want to do that with the PhD. It’s the most momentous thing I’ve ever done. Sometimes I find myself, sitting in my cosy office on campus, looking at all my books on the shelves, the post-its on the wall, the resident possum in the gum trees outside (who comes out during the day A LOT) and am in awe that it’s finally happening, I am doing it. I allow myself to feel joy, amazement and gratitude, even a little pride, in those moments.

Life has always been a constant balancing act for me, and perhaps it always will be. I think a lot of it comes down to self forgiveness - I’m not perfect nor am I a machine that can keep going and going without enough rest and replenishment. I wish (and thought) I was but adding productivity guilt into the mix is not serving me. Self care really has to be a priority if I want to enjoy the process, not to mention keep my creative work and practice sustainable. I’ve been trying to bear that in mind these past few weeks.

So, yes, April and May have been MAMMOTH months for me and Tom but we have happily managed to find lots of fun and exciting things to enjoy along the way. “What a year this is turning out to be,” Tom said to me at the start of May. My sentiments exactly!

Let me fill you in on May then, friends. The month of Philmas!

Favourite experience/s of the month

May was full of wonderful experiences but the best one, hands down, was returning to the great city of Melbourne for a birthday trip which consisted mostly of shopping, eating and seeing friends. We also made another trip a week later, for a wonderful wedding, but more on that in the June wrap-up!

Other highlights of May included:

• Giving a paper for the Professional Historians Association (Vic/Tas chapter) at Hobart’s State Library, which went better than I could have hoped (apparently there’s a video of it on YouTube which even our postman has seen!)

• Making my baby nephew laugh for the first time (he’s so adorable!)

• A day trip with a dear friend to New Norfolk where we bought locally-grown blackberries, garlic, apples and secondhand books

• Publishing an article in the Guardian, and the wonderful response to it - in fact, it went live while we were asleep so both Tom and I woke up to texts from friends in the UK who had seen it before we had! The whole response to it was really amazing. I honestly thought that it would be like most things I write, that it would go live and within an hour or two it would be yesterday’s news! It was so touching (and thrilling) to be read and understood so generously by people all over the world. It reminded me that I do have relevant things to say and it’s always worth the agonising discomfort of putting myself out there.

• Turning 42 in one of my favourite cities and then coming home and celebrating with my family. When we went round to see one of my sisters, her daughter (nearly 4) proudly announced they had made me a cake, which melted my heart (and it was so delicious). More birthday thoughts further on.

• My dad’s 70th, which was a fitting celebration for a wonderful man I am proud every day to call my father (I said as much in my brief speech - Mum’s speech was by far the best though, there was barely a dry eye in the house!).
  
  

Reading

I feel like I’m always reading at the moment! I’m trying to remember what I read for leisure in May….

Far out, I loved this book - Edwina Preston’s Bad Art Mother, shortlisted for this year’s Stella Prize (my friend Tash got me the winner’s book as a birthday present which I’ve been saving for a post-deadline treat in July). As I read, I thought this reminds me so much of Gwen Harwood, if she had been more like Sylvia Plath (having read and reviewed the excellent Ann Marie Priest biography last year) and it turned out, Preston had read Harwood’s letters as inspiration. Fascinating! I am finding myself more and more drawn to fiction set in 1960s and 1970s Australia, particularly Melbourne, so I loved this book’s setting, as well as its premise. I don’t think enough books deal with the reality of how deeply, painfully selfish most women have to be in order to make their art a priority, even if they don’t have children. I think this is what I’ve realised, both in my own life and through the reading of books such as these, that women are still expected to, as Mary Wollstonecraft put it in 1792, “make themselves AGREEABLE” (!) and put the needs of others first, regardless of whether they’re mothers or not. It’s something we always seem to be pushing back against. Bad Art Mother was a refreshing look at this, from both sides of the coin. It has a nostalgic but also quite sweeping, all-consuming energy - Christos Tsiolkas was quite right when he described it as a “panorama” of a novel - as all the women, of varying marital statuses, in the story push against the gender barriers of the time and fight to be recognised as legitimate artists. It also made me realise that we might have come a long way but there’s still a long way to go. Worth a read!

I found Patti Smith’s Just Kids on the shelf of our Melbourne Airbnb, a book I had heard praised and much talked of for years and it was 100% worthy of the hype. I love Patti’s writing (I have a few other books of hers) but I must confess I didn’t know much about her and her life. There are many haunting moments in Just Kids but the one I keep thinking about is her description of giving birth to a child she had to put up for adoption, how cruel the medical staff were to her as an young unmarried mother, and how “carrying a child had literally opened the skin of my belly” (51). I loved it so much I procured a copy on my return (I only got three-quarters of the way through it during the trip) and have also treated myself to Patti’s A Book of Days.

I picked up one of my favourite Youtuber’s cookbooks while we were in Melbourne, from a great bookstore called Brunswick Bound - it’s fabulous (both the book and the bookstore).

I recently discovered the work of photographer Alan Villiers and was astonished at how beautiful and modern these images of early 20th century merchant ships are - the people look like they could be walking around today!

Why winning the Booker didn’t make this author feel she’d reached the top - I love Bernardine Evaristo, her writing, her wit, her thoughts on everything from politics to self development. Her energy is so motivating. She’s awesome.

Listening to

In the lead up to my talk for the Professional Historians Association, anxiety swirled around my body like an electrical storm. I found re-listening to this episode of The Imperfects very handy. I also enjoyed this episode of The Imperfects where they discussed a “40 Things I Wish I’d Known at 40” viral article and which items on the list resonated with them the most. Eye opening!

Therapy Works: Trisha Goddard on overcoming enormous adversity and finding love and happiness - this was excellent, though very difficult listening in parts, especially hearing about the racial abuse she has endured, particularly as a child. I gasped aloud in the street when she recalled something a teacher said to her. Trisha said she realised that the Black Lives Matter movement had helped her appreciate how much she had internalised over the first five or so decades of her life, thinking she was the problem. Listening to her articulate that, I realised that perhaps #MeToo has done the same for me. I always loved seeing Trisha on TV when I was a child. She was Australia’s first Black TV presenter - she did Playschool in the mornings, and The 7:30 Report in the evenings. What an icon!

James and Ashley Stay At Home: interviews with Anna Spargo-Ryan and Lee Kofman, both excellent.

Films to be Buried With, with Brett Goldstein: I only just discovered this podcast and it’s really fabulous! I have listened to the Dolly Alderton episode which was hilarious and highly relatable, as always.

Otherwise, just Poppy Ackroyd’s marvellous album Sketches on repeat, throughout May. Perfect writing music.

PICKING / GROWING

Another highlight of May - I have an allotment now! Dad gave me a packet of broad bean seeds to celebrate, so they were the first things I planted. Look how well they’re doing already! I also have a broccoli/kale hybrid growing in there, that was given to me by another gardener. September will be the time to get really excited and start planting other things - I have many other kinds of beans, as well as peas, silverbeet, zucchini, kale and broccoli seeds in my seed tin ready to go.

Eating/COOKING

Porridge bread has re-entered my regular repertoire and I am glad of it - it’s the most delicious bread which has an almost crumpet-like quality. Porridge is an essential winter breakfast so I always make a little extra so I can make this bread. I often double the original recipe and bake it in my enormous German bread tin (that I bought for something like €4 on one of our trips to Berlin) which gives us a loaf big enough to last the week! Do try it if you’re curious, I can’t recommend it more highly. It’s particularly good with sweet toppings like jam, marmalade or honey, but it’s also pretty great with avocado and Vegemite.

The food in Melbourne deserves a post of its own - I have written an article for Onya which I hope will be published soon so when it is I will send you there to read about all the wonderful things we indulged in on our little holiday! I keep thinking about the king oyster mushroom ‘calamari’ from the Green Man’s Arms (which Tom and I now refer to as our local), the vegan lemon delicious ice cream at Girls and Boys, the pizza at Red Sparrow and the ‘chicken’ katsu sando at Brother Bon.

And, confession time, this was my first ever trip to Melbourne where I didn’t go to the Shanghai Dumpling House. I know, I’m shocked too.

At the start of May (or perhaps it was the end of April, who knows!) I made green tomato pickle with all the green tomatoes from my home garden, and the box that was generously given to me at the allotment! I have about 10 jars maturing in the cupboard now, ready for spring and summer deliciousness. It’s my great-grandmother’s recipe, which is really amazing.

I have become quite addicted to fresh blackberries again, after years of not having them (the last time I had them might have been when I went foraging while I still lived in England!) - I particularly like them in a crumble with apples or apricots. I also have a jar of plums in my apocalypse cupboard (you had one too, right?) which I’d like to use up, so I daresay a plum and blackberry crumble is in. my near future.

I made Asma Khan’s aloo gobi mattar which was delicious, and continued to stock the freezer with this vegan bolognese which is seriously sensational.

We went to the Thai Veggie Hutt in the city (Hobart, that is) for lunch a few times in May - all vegetarian and vegan, and I had forgotten how utterly scrumptious all the food is. The pumpkin curry was a winner, both times, I loved how spicy and layered with flavour it was.

Not that much cooking in May, mostly eating, as other people did the cooking! It made a nice change.

Drinking

T2 French Earl Grey - I had written this tea off for years, thinking it too floral and overbearing for my palate. I accidentally ordered it in a quaint New Norfolk tearoom that used to be a church hall, and it was delightful. The trick, for me, is only to use one spoonful and brew it for 60 seconds, no more. Then it’s light and fragrant and truly delicious.

My favourite drink in Melbourne was the incredible Cos-no mocktail at the Green Man’s Arms - cranberry, blackberry and lime juices - sharp, fruity and very sophisticated!

Watching

Colin from Accounts (Binge): OMG this was fabulous. A fresh concept, clever writing, great acting and SO funny! And I loved that it was set in Sydney.

Call the Midwife (Binge and ABC iView) - Binge is the most appropriate channel for this show, as that is exactly what I have done over the past few months!

I think I’m in the minority on the finale of Succession (Binge) - I thought it was a complete anti-climax and I came away feeling very numb, in disbelief and unsure what the point of any of it had been. It reminded me of how I felt in the immediate aftermath of learning the Leave vote had won and when the news broke that Trump had won the US election (oh, 2016, you were a shitshow). If that was what Jesse Armstrong intended for the series - to show us that the people (the families!) who control the media are in fact very dangerous because the decisions they make in their own self interest have wider repercussions for the rest of the world that they never even consider - then he succeeded! The Times seemed to agree with me.

The finale of Ted Lasso (Apple TV+), by comparison, was sublime. That is how you end a show. It was so good, we’re now watching the whole series again from the beginning.

Wearing/ using

These amazing earrings (the lemons and the female sign) from Snafu Designs in Melbourne - I have barely stopped wearing them. They even look great with a hoodie! Speaking of the hoodie, I haven’t stopped wearing that either! A Reconciliation Week special from Captain Robbo.

A lime green roll-neck crop jumper from Tassie icon Keshet - it goes with everything.

Beautiful homemade socks that my aunt made me as a birthday gift - they are so comfy and warm, I never want to wear any other kind of socks.

Adventure pants from Captain Robbo in Northcote - I wasn’t sure these would suit me but they are wonderful and I can’t stop wearing them! I got the Magic Mushrooms and the Hot Pink Plane Trees. And if you pop into the store, make sure you meet the resident pooch, Twiggy!

Perhaps “not wearing/using” might be a category in future, because I feel moved to tell you I’ve been wearing my Fitbit less, certainly not to sleep as I had been doing this past year or so. I felt my “performance” was being evaluated and I’ve learned (the hard way) that’s not a good space for me to be in when I already feel under pressure in other parts of my life. If you are similarly moulded, I encourage you to give yourself a breather from your devices that measure your daily activities. Streaks can be motivating but they can also add more pressure when that’s the last thing you need.

feeling grateful for

I’m sure most of you recognise this woman - here’s a reminder if not!

My friends. People who show up for me time and time again, who are always full of warmth and ready with a kind word, whose assumptions are always generous. People who start a text with “I know I can tell you this, because you won’t take it the wrong way...” (and I likewise!). I am particularly grateful for two writing friends who always pick up the phone or reply to a text when I reach out in the midst of a crisis of confidence.

I am also grateful to have turned 42, an age quite a few people I’ve known in my life tragically never reached. I remember, in my late twenties, wondering what it would be like to be this age, the same age Virginia Woolf was when she wrote To The Lighthouse. Now I’m here. What does it feel like? Like I’m more myself, and that life is richer. It’s not as simple as it used to be (and of course I can only see it was simpler from where I’m standing now, 15 years on), but it’s undoubtedly richer.

I felt so lucky, marking turning 42 in Melbourne with my darling husband and our many friends there. It was a wonderful birthday, the best I’ve had in a while. These days my birthday is a day of real contemplation, a bit like a New Year, where I reflect on the year that’s gone and try to release anything that might have dragged me down, as well as any past ambitions that don’t really match up with who I am now. It’s a day where I remind myself how far I’ve come, how grateful I am for all the good things in my life, and think about what really matters to me, now, in this present moment. Perhaps I am starting to appreciate the limits to my time here on this planet. I am trying to use it well.

Quote of the MONTH

“Sometimes there are no rules.” - Mary Oliver

If you’d like to share your thoughts on this post, or anything else, with me, please do! I hope you also had a wonderful May….and I’ll look forward to sharing June with you very soon!

Please note: this blog post has affiliate links with retailers such as Booktopia which means I may receive a commission for a sale that I refer, at no extra cost to you.

catching up

My favourite hot cross buns in Hobart are from Jackman and McRoss - no mixed peel sadly (why does everyone hate it?I love it!) but with apricots and hazelnuts instead.

Hello friends - I can hardly believe we’re in the middle of April already! I had a post almost fully written just before Easter for you but then Squarespace logged me out while writing it and…that was that, it was all gone. I’m afraid I didn’t have the strength to rewrite it immediately!

Life has been full and busy, with deadline after deadline, but that is to be expected when you run a business, are in the final year of a PhD and like to keep your hand in with freelance journalism! But I am loving it. I just need to keep up the self care, which has always been a challenge. But I’m trying to get better at it - at the suggestion of one of my supervisors, I have a list of rewards that I decided to treat myself to when I reach certain milestones (two of those arrived, more on those further down!). Tom and I have also put some fun things in the diary to look forward to.

Favourite experience/s of the week

We had a lovely Easter celebration with the family - last year Tom and I started a new Easter tradition for the nieces and nephews, the Easter lucky dip, and we continued it this year, which was great fun. We get a number of big bags of mini M&Ms, Mars Bars, Cadbury Dairy Milk, Malteasers, all kid-friendly things and whack them inside a sack (well, pillowcase), along with a booby prize, which is usually a packet of dried chickpeas or pearl barley from the cupboard. Each child (though quite a few of them are teenagers now!) then picks a prize from the pillowcase and it’s so much fun, everyone seems to enjoy the suspense and theatricality of it. This year, our three-year-old niece picked the booby prize of pearl barley (we had given her a little chocolate bunny separately, I didn’t think her parents would appreciate her being given an entire bag of mini Mars Bars) which she actually seemed quite delighted by!

But the best moment of the past few weeks was Tom getting 100% on his Australian citizenship test!

Reading

Alice Pung is one of my favourite writers - I loved her workshop in Hidden Nerve last year on gesture - and so I was delighted to pick up a copy of her latest novel, One Hundred Days, which was shortlisted for last year’s Miles Franklin (probably the highest literary honour in this country). I devoured it in an afternoon, lying in bed, hot water bottle pressed to the abdomen (which made me feel a lot of the book’s content quite viscerally!). It’s simply outstanding. Set in the late 1980s, which I really enjoyed, it was almost a retelling of the Rapunzel story - an intense mother-daughter relationship which is taken to a new level of smothering and control when the teenage daughter discovers she’s pregnant. She tries and fails to keep it from her overbearing mother, who loves as fiercely and protectively as she knows how, but which leaves the daughter feeling like a prisoner, quite literally. It’s a tense and almost claustrophobic narrative at times but also very funny in places too. I really loved it.

The New Yorker: The Unexpected Grief of a Hysterectomy

British Vogue: Bernardine Evaristo: 2023 Is A Breakthrough Year For Black British Women Novelists

The Cut: My Marriage Was Never The Same After That - oof, I felt every word of this.

Lit Hub: The Hero We Need: Keanu Reeves is Demolishing All Our Dumb Stereotypes - I did not realise that there is an entire sub-genre of Celebrity Studies entirely dedicated to Keanu Reeves, especially in relation to his representations of masculinity. Just one of the many rabbit holes I fall down on a daily basis when doing my PhD work! Tom and I have ended up having a bit of a Keanu season as a result and we’ve both enjoyed thinking about his films through that lens.

I also read Ashley Kalagian Blunt’s new crime-thriller Dark Mode in just a few days - it’s really quite gripping, despite the dark and disturbing subject matter. Not normally my preferred genre but having listened to Ashley talk about it on her podcast for the last few months, I was very excited and intrigued to read it. I also loved that it was set in Sydney! Masterfully crafted and absolutely riveting, you’ll find it hard to tear yourself away - and do not read it at bedtime is all I will say. Ashley’s also shared a lot of the inspiration behind Dark Mode on her blog, which is also fascinating reading.

I’m re-reading Stephanie’s Journal (now out of print) for about the millionth time - always a good comfort read, and I always notice something different, something else to relate to. This time what has struck me most is the restraint with which she writes about difficult situations, especially in friendships and professional relationships breaking down. The details are spare but her anguish is very plain.

I borrowed this vegan cookbook from the library - I love how a local author can be easily identified by the map of Tassie sticker on the spine! - and was quite enthralled by all the delicious ideas. I think I’ll have to get my own copy, which you can get direct from the Bob Brown Foundation or Hobartians can stroll into Fullers and grab a copy by the looks of it. See Eating for more!

Listening to

I have been listening to Alexandra Stréliski’s new album Néo-Romance non-stop - it’s the perfect writing music. Londoners, she’s playing there on 4 May! I so wish I could go! If you love haunting, melodic piano (similar to my beloved Ludovico but she’s most definitely got her own style), I think you’ll love her work.

The First Time: Masters Series with Cate Kennedy - OMG this was amazing. So full of insight and reassurance. Cate Kennedy said some wonderful things, but this I played back several times: “it’s uncomfortable to write. To make anything is a state of of discomfort because you have to sit with it being in an imperfect state for a long time.”

I’ve also been enjoying revisiting the music of Riyuichi Sakamoto who sadly died at the end of March. His last album 12, released in January, is wonderful.

Inner winter playlist, on repeat!

Best Friend Therapy remains a favourite podcast, I’m always glad when Monday rolls around because I have a new episode to listen to! The episode on guilt was especially helpful - that very day the episode dropped I was in a conundrum about something, and through listening I realised that I didn’t actually feel guilty about my feelings, because I trusted them, I just felt afraid to express them. It’s easy to mistake fear for guilt, it turns out.

Eating

Tom and I went out for brunch for the first time in ages - it feels quite wondrous going into cafes again, though I am still a little skittish at times - and we were both in raptures over the Scrambled Stunner at the Little Lotus Cafe. This was scrambled tofu, squares of crispy polenta, chargrilled broccolini, tomato chilli jam and rice paper ‘bacon’. Absolutely delicious! I also enjoyed a proper chai alongside.

This pasta was also a stunner - this is parsnip pasta! Not sweet, if that’s what you’d be thinking with parsnips. Made with wholewheat spaghetti, some smoked vegan cheese, kale and chilli, it was a real treat! I also used Jamie Oliver’s trick of roasted the parsnip peel in the oven with some nutritional yeast (he uses Parmesan). I will never compost parsnip peel again - it was amazing.

I love Shepard avocado season! It divides the nation every year - from February to April - but I don’t know what the fuss is about. They’re lovely! Far better than hand-grenade Hass, who go from perfect to inedible in what feels like half a day. Shepards last well and are nearly always blemish-free. The flesh of Hass oxidises far more quickly too. We’ve enjoyed Shepards on toast, in salad, every which way we’d normally enjoy an avocado and think they’re fabulous. Shepard forever!

I made a vegan zucchini and potato bake from zucchini and potatoes from my garden, which was absolutely sumptuous. There were leftovers, which I blended into another batch of zucchini butterbean soup a week later.

This is the chilli sin carne from Lisa Searle’s Feeding the Resistance mentioned in the Reading section. It was scrumptious! I followed her suggestion to make it mild and then smothered my own portion in pickled jalapeños! Perfect cold weather food. We loved this and the recipe made enough for me to stock the freezer with, and leftovers (with rice) for both of us to take to our respective offices the following day.

I had leftover porridge from breakfast a few days ago and was moved to make porridge bread for the first time in quite a while. It was divine. It’s so wholesome and delicious, like having porridge and toast for breakfast in one. We enjoyed thick slabs of it toasted with marmalade and cultured oat butter for breakfast, and with soup for dinner. It was so good I deliberately made extra porridge for breakfast today so we could have another loaf for the weekend. It’s in the oven as we speak and the house smells heavenly.

I roasted a whole heap of root vegetables (and a broccoli stalk) - including beetroot I grew myself - for a yummy quinoa salad.

Other meals have been the standard tofu fried rice, frozen dumplings, sweet potato mac and cheese, baked potatoes and kimchi, and leftovers thereof. I’ve also made this vegan bolognese which was out-of-this-world good - it stocked the freezer and we have plenty of leftovers in the fridge.

These chocolates were one of my “yay, you did it!” rewards to myself - I got the Love and Light Bundle, which is a box of their artisan chocolates (the Lover’s Box) and a divine sandalwood and vanilla candle. I was seriously impressed with the delivery - I ordered them on Monday evening and they were in Tassie by midday on Wednesday, packed in ice! These chocolates are unbelievable. Handmade in Byron Bay, vegan, free of all nasties, packed with superfood ingredients and natural flavours, I can’t get over how decadent and delicious they are. And seriously satisfying - Tom and I shared three between us and that was more than enough! I’ve not made my way through the whole box yet but my top three flavours so far are Coconut & Cashew with Vanilla, Dark Peppermint Creme with Matcha and Butter Caramel Pecan with Cinnamon. Seriously, I may never eat any other kind of chocolate again. If you love chocolate and want to treat yo self (and you should), I would highly recommend them.

Drinking

You guessed it - my favourite. Nothing like a proper chai this time of year.

Picking

The garden has been full of delicious things - the aforementioned potatoes, zucchini and beetroot, and yesterday I picked nearly 1kg of cherry tomatoes which went into my vegan ragu. I held out so little hope of the tomatoes going red that I hadn’t been to check on them for some time, and some of them had exploded from overripe-ness on the vine. Whoops!

I picked another kilo or so of figs, which have been roasted and frozen for winter porridge, but there are still a handful of them ripening on the branches. Some green beans, which I’ll pick to go with our shepherd’s pie this evening. It looks like we have a few pumpkins on the vine too.

My parents told me to go and pick some of their apples and tomatoes while they were away on the mainland, so I picked a bag of each. I stewed the apples with lots of cinnamon and vanilla into a delicious compote, which we’ve had with porridge most mornings, and the tomatoes became a kasundi, one of my signature condiments. I used to make it for neighbours and workmates in London who all loved it. It’s great made with tinned tomatoes as well as fresh. I use Anna Jones’ recipe.

I bought lots of basil from Hill Street Grocer today (on special!) so I think I’ll make a pesto with it together with the beetroot stalks and leaves. I also have a giant half of a red cabbage to do something with - I might make Nigella’s pickled red cabbage from Cook Eat Repeat.

Watching

As mentioned, Tom and I had a very Keanu-themed Easter thanks to my sudden interest (as mentioned above)! We watched John Wick (the first one), A Scanner Darkly and Street Kings, all on 4K BluRay. These sorts of films, it must be said, aren’t usually my cup of tea but it was fascinating to watch them taking particular note of how the roles Keanu Reeves plays are nearly always a comment on some variation of masculinity, and reflect the profound importance of kindness. Tom, of course, was thrilled that I wanted to watch these movies and dissect them from these particular angles! Film is his thing.

I always associate Easter with Little Women - very odd I know, as it’s more of a Christmas film - because the Gillian Armstrong directed version was released on video (!) at Easter when I was a teenager. My sisters and I watched it on Good Friday, eating our fish fingers and chips. For the longest time I was very protective of that particular version, I thought nothing could touch it (and I still think Christian Bale is a very charming Laurie) and I was sceptical when a new adaptation came out in 2019, even though it was written and directed by my best friend Greta Gerwig. But then I watched it. I should never have doubted Greta. It’s without question the best version of the story I’ve ever seen. So we watched that for our Good Friday movie and both laughed and cried, as usual! Utter perfection.

Succession (Binge) - after two very lacklustre episodes (we thought) to start Season 4, this week’s episode was a nail biter! A complete return to form for the series that both Tom and I were left reeling from! Who else has watched it?!

I’m also still making my way through a complete rewatch of Call the Midwife which is definitely my comfort watch (though there’s nearly always some dark tale at the heart of each episode). I adore it.

Wearing

It’s getting cold and therefore one needs SOCKS. I went to see Tracy and Jen at Red Parka in town, who sell delightful, colourful, warm and ethically-made bamboo socks. And I love that they have Tasmanian animals on them! I bought some fairy wren ones and some pademelons. I wasn’t sure if the 7-11 would fit me, as I am an 11, so I got the pademelons in an 11-14, just in case. I’m happy to report the 7-11 fit perfectly and the 11-14 are a little big, but both very comfortable and fun to wear either way!

I really love socks, I’ve discovered.

Another of my making-a-deadline rewards was this Ipsum Face Oil Intense which I’ve been wanting to try for a long time since I read about it in an article about winter skincare dos-and-don’ts (Spaced fans, you’ll get the joke I’m sure) a few years back. I’ve only been using it for about 10 days and it’s already giving me a glow. It may well be the best thing I’ve ever put on my face. It smells divine, full of lavender, chamomile and fragonia, and feels delightful and nourishing on the skin. Everything feels smoother since I’ve been using this oil. It’s just beautiful and I can imagine it will help keep my skin in good condition over winter. Ipsum very kindly included a full-size Cleansing Oil Balm with my order too, as that product has just recently won Best Skincare Product at The Best of The Green Edit Awards. I can see why, it’s also lovely and leaves my skin so soft! It also arrived within a week of ordering and I got a lovely personal email from the director of the company to thank me for my order. Supporting small businesses for the win!

Proud of

As mentioned, my darling husband studied hard and learned all about Australia’s history, system of government, culture and various other things for his citizenship test, which he got 100% on! We were both so thrilled and relieved. Not that I thought for a minute that he wouldn’t pass, but something of this nature always has a lot riding on it (I remember it well when I did my British citizenship test and interviews). I am more proud of him than I can say.

Quote of the week

“The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.” - Coco Chanel

If you’d like to share your thoughts on this post, or anything else, with me, please do! I hope you’ve been keeping well and that you’re also finding things in your life to savour and ponder, that give you pleasure and comfort.

Please note: this particular blog post does not contain any affiliate links. Usually I have affiliate links for books I mention but this week I couldn’t be bothered, haha! I’ve not been paid or asked to endorse anything in this post. Everything I’ve mentioned and linked to is a genuine recommendation - but that is always the case :)

this week and last week

The last strawberries!

Well, this week has turned into last week and last week turned into the week before last in the blink of an eye!

Sorry everyone. I have constant deadlines at the moment, as well as a few other stressful things happening behind the scenes which I don’t feel at liberty to discuss publicly so yes, needless to say, life has been and probably will continue to be hectic. But I’m trying to hold on to this space I’ve carved out for myself, to record the small details of life as I’m living it now. One day this will be the past and I’ll be glad I took the time to put it all down. One year can turn into five so quickly.

A few days ago we lit the fire in the house for the first time since December. It’s quite cold now in the evenings and the mornings - whenever the sun isn’t out, basically. I think I’ve picked the last strawberries. The autumnal air is still slightly tinged with the last breath of summer, but soon it will be woodsmoke, piles of leaves, earth being turned over.

This is an in-between time, I’ve come to realise - much like September is in the northern hemisphere, so is March in the south. Summer is definitely over, but we’re not quite in full-blown autumn yet. I’m still drinking crisp and cold white wine but craving the warmth and sweetness of a fruit crumble. Soaking up the sun, and even still sporting a tan in places, but also savouring the coziness of a favourite jumper, which is now always within easy reach.

highlights

Handing in 20,000 words to my supervisors, on time! I looked at the “Properties” of the Word document I submitted…7,076 minutes have been spent on the document, which translates to nearly 118 hours. It didn’t feel like it! And yet when my head hits the pillow every night, I sleep the sleep of the truly spent.

Writing and sipping tea in a colonial house merely metres away from where my character would have sipped tea too, two hundred years ago.

A catchup with a dear friend of 37 years over proper chai and vegan peanut butter cookies the size of our heads. I am godmother to her son, who will be 18 this year. It doesn’t feel that long ago that we were celebrating our own 18ths!

Figs I grew featured on the cheese platter! They were delicious with a piece of aged cashew cheese on top.

A much-loved aunt and uncle visiting from interstate, whom I hadn’t seen since 2019, coming round for drinks and nibbles. Like Tom and I, they have had to weather the tempests of other people’s opinions and judgements for taking unconventional paths in life, so it was really wonderful to spend a few hours catching up. I so enjoyed seeing them and feel very lucky to have them in my life. I think we’ll be a lot like this aunt and uncle in 30 years time…well, I hope so.

The open garden scheme run by Home Harvest last weekend, where we got to see five local backyard gardens and what the clever inhabitants had managed to achieve with them. I loved seeing pear and apple trees laden with fruit, beans climbing up frames, abundant patches of kale, silverbeet, beetroot, tomatoes and snow peas. I was so inspired. And reassured to see that many other Hobart gardeners have rogue pumpkins and potatoes too!

Reading

Just a few books I’ve devoured when I’ve not been chained to my desk…

I want to make particular note of Alison Croggon’s Monsters which might be my favourite book I’ve read this year. I devoured it in a day, could barely tear myself away from it. It was so poetically and cleverly written - taking the personal (a painful estrangement from her sister) and placing it within a wider global and cultural context, exploring how the “monsters” of racism, colonialism, privilege, white supremacy, and patriarchy have played out in the family history and in the eventual broken and dysfunctional dynamic Alison found herself in and how these attitudes have shaped her. She writes about how life for most white people who have grown up in the structures of colonialism and patriarchy becomes a series of convenient fictions, because we can’t find it in ourselves to truly acknowledge what horrific systems we are a part of - this is true of dysfunctional families as well. Alison thoughtfully and unflinchingly considers the “monsters” of her own life and psyche, her family and colonial Britain, which of course includes Australia, and, naturally, there are no neat endings or easy answers. It’s fascinating. I highly, highly recommend it.

I’ve also been enjoying Tamar Adler’s An Everlasting Meal which was mentioned in Diem Tran’s excellent newsletter a few weeks back. It’s all about cooking with economy and grace, with so many ideas for making the most of ingredients. I am loving it! Perfect bedtime reading.

The Guardian: Seven tips for eating well on a solo budget and yet another stolen generation.

Women’s Agenda: Michelle Yeoh’s epic win and call to women and girls (don’t let anyone ever tell you you’re past your prime!)

The Weekend Australian: A profile of one of my favourite novelists, who has a memoir coming out, and it sounds fascinating.

Listening to

I have been really enjoying Sarah Cahill’s The Future is Female, a three-volume series which celebrates and highlights women composers from the 17th century to the present day. It’s all piano music too, which I love! Wonderful writing music.

My inner autumn playlist, which naturally then went into winter, and now spring! But because the weather is so autumnal, I’m leaning back on the autumn playlist. I may or may not have mentioned but Tom and I use TIDAL, which is to our minds the most ethical of the current music streaming services, in that it does pay the artists.

PICKING

What the garden gave me one Thursday afternoon…..

The garden has been surprisingly prolific! The fig tree has been full of ripe fruit. I have given two bags away to a neighbour and a friend, and still have managed to have one or two each day sliced on pancakes, into a smoothie or just enjoyed on its own. Yesterday I picked another bowl:

Which I then roasted with white wine, brown sugar, cinnamon and star anise. They turned out beautifully and are so delicious. They’re now being stored in the fridge for this week’s breakfasts. I’ll be eating them with coconut yoghurt and granola, or on top of porridge. Yum!

I was also happy to see some of my own tomatoes in the garden finally turning red!

Picked quite a few zucchini too, which I’ve used in my cooking throughout the week. There are at least three more budding on the plant in the garden.

And then I woke up this morning to find a bag of vegetables - kale, silverbeet, more zucchini and more tomatoes - from my parents on the doorstep. They must have come past at an hour they knew we’d still be in bed! Kale and silverbeet are going in a soup tonight and the tomatoes might get made into a kasundi….

Eating

The last few weeks’ cooking and eating has been centred around making the most of the seasonal produce! I roasted a big tray of vegetables, which we enjoyed with pan-fried gnocchi; sautéed zucchini into buttery softness which becomes a wonderful pasta sauce; made bruschetta which is my favourite way to enjoy a glut of fresh tomatoes, from my garden or someone else’s; turned leftover porridge into pancakes which I topped with tahini, maple syrup, coconut yoghurt and fresh figs from the tree; a tofu scramble which was divine; a butter bean curry from Natural Flava which was delicious but so hot (1 tablespoon of curry powder next time rather than two, I think!)

I also did some baking with my zucchini and fig glut this weekend - chocolate courgette/zucchini cake from The Vegan Baking Bible with a lovely chocolate ganache icing on top, the usual banana bread with grated zucchini added, and the aforementioned roasted figs with spices and a pinot gris we didn’t like enough to drink but seems to be OK to cook with. In the banana bread and the figs, I used my favourite spice which was sent as a surprise from a kind friend in Melbourne. It arrived on a day I really needed cheering up and while she could not possibly have known that, she also somehow did in the way that kindred spirits always do.

And, of course, there were a few nights were we were too exhausted to do anything other than cook frozen dumplings or heat up leftover pasta and fall into a TV stupor! No need for photos of that. But know that it happens!

Drinking

Chai. Proper chai. It’s all I want to drink in autumn.

Watching

We got Binge in anticipation of the new season of Succession so not only have we rewatched season 3 so we remember what’s happened (!) but we finally caught up on the 2022 season of Masterchef UK, which has been one of my favourite shows for years. It was superb! Really loved seeing John and Gregg again, how well they nurture talent, and how inclusive this series was - it made me very happy to see a Deaf woman in the heats (it would have made my grandmother very happy too). It made me a little homesick for the UK too - or maybe nostalgic is the better word. Seeing familiar brands of foodstuffs I used to buy (though they always blur out the logos?!), remembering dishes I used to cook and the kinds of wonderful and different ingredients you could get. Great fun!

Likewise, have used getting Binge as an excuse to catch up on Call the Midwife, which is as wonderful and comforting and heart-wrenching as ever. One of my favourites!

As for films, I adored Maggie’s Plan, which Tom surprised me with - wonderfully written and acted, and really thought provoking. I love films set in New York City with quirky characters who are writers and academics, so this film was me to a tee.

It was a nice antidote to In Bruges, which we both watched for the first time the night before. I remember posters for it being all over the tube in London in 2008 when it first came out, but we never saw it until now. It was a bit too violent for me and hadn’t aged well - very homophobic with lots of ableist and fatphobic slurs that are just simply unacceptable, even if you’re trying to illustrate how repugnant a character is. Apparently, it’s supposed to symbolise purgatory - a setting that has always fascinated me, ever since I read T.S Eliot’s The Wasteland way back when. So even though The Banshees of Inisherin has won a lot of acclaim and I’m intrigued, as it’s the same team, I’m not sure it will be my cup of tea! But we’ll see.

We also watched Ford vs Ferrari which I surprisingly enjoyed. The race was a nail biter!

Wearing/ USING

I’ve been writing with my new metallic lilac Lamy fountain pen, which I treated myself to with some of my Van Diemen History Prize prize money. Every time I write with it, I try and remind myself I am an award-winning writer. It quiets the inner critic who has certainly not disappeared. I’m determined to keep it at bay and allow gratitude, humility and hope to be my guiding stars.

It keeps dawning on me - I am in what is likely my final year of my PhD. I am really trying to enjoy it because I have actually been working towards this my entire life. I want to remember as much and soak up as much as I can, and not be robbed of my pleasure and joy by fear, anxiety and self doubt, as I have been for so many years. I have let those things keep me small for long enough. I have also let the judgment of insecure people in the cheap seats keep me small for long enough. Now, the idea of playing small is more painful than the vulnerability of putting my hand up, of saying things out loud. It’s more painful than the risk that I’ll give it everything and it still won’t be enough. I don’t care about that anymore. I do not want to look back on this time with regrets. I want to make the most of every opportunity. People have said “if you don’t believe in yourself, you can’t expect anyone else to” to me for years but I finally understand how very, very true that is. And let’s face it, self doubt just gets very fucking boring after a while!

Grateful for

Everything. Like I said above, I’m trying to make gratitude my default position, even in the face of painful or inconvenient happenings. It really helps.

Quote of the week

“Half of life is lost in charming others. The other half is lost in going through anxieties caused by others. Leave this play. You’ve played enough.” - Rumi

If you’d like to share your thoughts on this post, or anything else, with me, please do! I hope you’re enjoying it getting warmer where you are, or finding things to savour about autumn as it gets cooler, like me! See you soon xx

Please note: this blog post has affiliate links with retailers such as Booktopia which means I may receive a commission for a sale that I refer, at no extra cost to you.