may

An autumnal bounty from the New Norfolk markets in early May. The last blackberries of the season!

Friends, how is it June? How?!

I figured if I don’t write you an update soon, it will be Christmas before you hear from me again - so here I am. The only excuse I can offer for my lengthy silence is busy-ness and so much time being spent writing and thinking and reading that in my leisure time I yearn to look at something other than a computer screen.

You may have guessed, the heat has been turned up on my PhD - I am now almost 75% of the way there with it. If we apply the metaphor of running a marathon to the PhD (it’s one of my favourite metaphors, as I’m sure you’ve noticed over the years), I am at the equivalent of almost at Mile 20. To be honest, this is the part of running the London Marathon that I don’t remember. Miles 19 to about 23 were a real blur! It’s an apt comparison. I don’t know where the last few months have gone.

But, as I said to a friend last week, I have waited my entire life to do this so I am determined to savour and enjoy it as much as I can, rather than give in to the overwhelm. The marathon at the 75% stage was just a matter of staying mentally strong and getting through it until I was really on the final stretch, but I don’t want to do that with the PhD. It’s the most momentous thing I’ve ever done. Sometimes I find myself, sitting in my cosy office on campus, looking at all my books on the shelves, the post-its on the wall, the resident possum in the gum trees outside (who comes out during the day A LOT) and am in awe that it’s finally happening, I am doing it. I allow myself to feel joy, amazement and gratitude, even a little pride, in those moments.

Life has always been a constant balancing act for me, and perhaps it always will be. I think a lot of it comes down to self forgiveness - I’m not perfect nor am I a machine that can keep going and going without enough rest and replenishment. I wish (and thought) I was but adding productivity guilt into the mix is not serving me. Self care really has to be a priority if I want to enjoy the process, not to mention keep my creative work and practice sustainable. I’ve been trying to bear that in mind these past few weeks.

So, yes, April and May have been MAMMOTH months for me and Tom but we have happily managed to find lots of fun and exciting things to enjoy along the way. “What a year this is turning out to be,” Tom said to me at the start of May. My sentiments exactly!

Let me fill you in on May then, friends. The month of Philmas!

Favourite experience/s of the month

May was full of wonderful experiences but the best one, hands down, was returning to the great city of Melbourne for a birthday trip which consisted mostly of shopping, eating and seeing friends. We also made another trip a week later, for a wonderful wedding, but more on that in the June wrap-up!

Other highlights of May included:

• Giving a paper for the Professional Historians Association (Vic/Tas chapter) at Hobart’s State Library, which went better than I could have hoped (apparently there’s a video of it on YouTube which even our postman has seen!)

• Making my baby nephew laugh for the first time (he’s so adorable!)

• A day trip with a dear friend to New Norfolk where we bought locally-grown blackberries, garlic, apples and secondhand books

• Publishing an article in the Guardian, and the wonderful response to it - in fact, it went live while we were asleep so both Tom and I woke up to texts from friends in the UK who had seen it before we had! The whole response to it was really amazing. I honestly thought that it would be like most things I write, that it would go live and within an hour or two it would be yesterday’s news! It was so touching (and thrilling) to be read and understood so generously by people all over the world. It reminded me that I do have relevant things to say and it’s always worth the agonising discomfort of putting myself out there.

• Turning 42 in one of my favourite cities and then coming home and celebrating with my family. When we went round to see one of my sisters, her daughter (nearly 4) proudly announced they had made me a cake, which melted my heart (and it was so delicious). More birthday thoughts further on.

• My dad’s 70th, which was a fitting celebration for a wonderful man I am proud every day to call my father (I said as much in my brief speech - Mum’s speech was by far the best though, there was barely a dry eye in the house!).
  
  

Reading

I feel like I’m always reading at the moment! I’m trying to remember what I read for leisure in May….

Far out, I loved this book - Edwina Preston’s Bad Art Mother, shortlisted for this year’s Stella Prize (my friend Tash got me the winner’s book as a birthday present which I’ve been saving for a post-deadline treat in July). As I read, I thought this reminds me so much of Gwen Harwood, if she had been more like Sylvia Plath (having read and reviewed the excellent Ann Marie Priest biography last year) and it turned out, Preston had read Harwood’s letters as inspiration. Fascinating! I am finding myself more and more drawn to fiction set in 1960s and 1970s Australia, particularly Melbourne, so I loved this book’s setting, as well as its premise. I don’t think enough books deal with the reality of how deeply, painfully selfish most women have to be in order to make their art a priority, even if they don’t have children. I think this is what I’ve realised, both in my own life and through the reading of books such as these, that women are still expected to, as Mary Wollstonecraft put it in 1792, “make themselves AGREEABLE” (!) and put the needs of others first, regardless of whether they’re mothers or not. It’s something we always seem to be pushing back against. Bad Art Mother was a refreshing look at this, from both sides of the coin. It has a nostalgic but also quite sweeping, all-consuming energy - Christos Tsiolkas was quite right when he described it as a “panorama” of a novel - as all the women, of varying marital statuses, in the story push against the gender barriers of the time and fight to be recognised as legitimate artists. It also made me realise that we might have come a long way but there’s still a long way to go. Worth a read!

I found Patti Smith’s Just Kids on the shelf of our Melbourne Airbnb, a book I had heard praised and much talked of for years and it was 100% worthy of the hype. I love Patti’s writing (I have a few other books of hers) but I must confess I didn’t know much about her and her life. There are many haunting moments in Just Kids but the one I keep thinking about is her description of giving birth to a child she had to put up for adoption, how cruel the medical staff were to her as an young unmarried mother, and how “carrying a child had literally opened the skin of my belly” (51). I loved it so much I procured a copy on my return (I only got three-quarters of the way through it during the trip) and have also treated myself to Patti’s A Book of Days.

I picked up one of my favourite Youtuber’s cookbooks while we were in Melbourne, from a great bookstore called Brunswick Bound - it’s fabulous (both the book and the bookstore).

I recently discovered the work of photographer Alan Villiers and was astonished at how beautiful and modern these images of early 20th century merchant ships are - the people look like they could be walking around today!

Why winning the Booker didn’t make this author feel she’d reached the top - I love Bernardine Evaristo, her writing, her wit, her thoughts on everything from politics to self development. Her energy is so motivating. She’s awesome.

Listening to

In the lead up to my talk for the Professional Historians Association, anxiety swirled around my body like an electrical storm. I found re-listening to this episode of The Imperfects very handy. I also enjoyed this episode of The Imperfects where they discussed a “40 Things I Wish I’d Known at 40” viral article and which items on the list resonated with them the most. Eye opening!

Therapy Works: Trisha Goddard on overcoming enormous adversity and finding love and happiness - this was excellent, though very difficult listening in parts, especially hearing about the racial abuse she has endured, particularly as a child. I gasped aloud in the street when she recalled something a teacher said to her. Trisha said she realised that the Black Lives Matter movement had helped her appreciate how much she had internalised over the first five or so decades of her life, thinking she was the problem. Listening to her articulate that, I realised that perhaps #MeToo has done the same for me. I always loved seeing Trisha on TV when I was a child. She was Australia’s first Black TV presenter - she did Playschool in the mornings, and The 7:30 Report in the evenings. What an icon!

James and Ashley Stay At Home: interviews with Anna Spargo-Ryan and Lee Kofman, both excellent.

Films to be Buried With, with Brett Goldstein: I only just discovered this podcast and it’s really fabulous! I have listened to the Dolly Alderton episode which was hilarious and highly relatable, as always.

Otherwise, just Poppy Ackroyd’s marvellous album Sketches on repeat, throughout May. Perfect writing music.

PICKING / GROWING

Another highlight of May - I have an allotment now! Dad gave me a packet of broad bean seeds to celebrate, so they were the first things I planted. Look how well they’re doing already! I also have a broccoli/kale hybrid growing in there, that was given to me by another gardener. September will be the time to get really excited and start planting other things - I have many other kinds of beans, as well as peas, silverbeet, zucchini, kale and broccoli seeds in my seed tin ready to go.

Eating/COOKING

Porridge bread has re-entered my regular repertoire and I am glad of it - it’s the most delicious bread which has an almost crumpet-like quality. Porridge is an essential winter breakfast so I always make a little extra so I can make this bread. I often double the original recipe and bake it in my enormous German bread tin (that I bought for something like €4 on one of our trips to Berlin) which gives us a loaf big enough to last the week! Do try it if you’re curious, I can’t recommend it more highly. It’s particularly good with sweet toppings like jam, marmalade or honey, but it’s also pretty great with avocado and Vegemite.

The food in Melbourne deserves a post of its own - I have written an article for Onya which I hope will be published soon so when it is I will send you there to read about all the wonderful things we indulged in on our little holiday! I keep thinking about the king oyster mushroom ‘calamari’ from the Green Man’s Arms (which Tom and I now refer to as our local), the vegan lemon delicious ice cream at Girls and Boys, the pizza at Red Sparrow and the ‘chicken’ katsu sando at Brother Bon.

And, confession time, this was my first ever trip to Melbourne where I didn’t go to the Shanghai Dumpling House. I know, I’m shocked too.

At the start of May (or perhaps it was the end of April, who knows!) I made green tomato pickle with all the green tomatoes from my home garden, and the box that was generously given to me at the allotment! I have about 10 jars maturing in the cupboard now, ready for spring and summer deliciousness. It’s my great-grandmother’s recipe, which is really amazing.

I have become quite addicted to fresh blackberries again, after years of not having them (the last time I had them might have been when I went foraging while I still lived in England!) - I particularly like them in a crumble with apples or apricots. I also have a jar of plums in my apocalypse cupboard (you had one too, right?) which I’d like to use up, so I daresay a plum and blackberry crumble is in. my near future.

I made Asma Khan’s aloo gobi mattar which was delicious, and continued to stock the freezer with this vegan bolognese which is seriously sensational.

We went to the Thai Veggie Hutt in the city (Hobart, that is) for lunch a few times in May - all vegetarian and vegan, and I had forgotten how utterly scrumptious all the food is. The pumpkin curry was a winner, both times, I loved how spicy and layered with flavour it was.

Not that much cooking in May, mostly eating, as other people did the cooking! It made a nice change.

Drinking

T2 French Earl Grey - I had written this tea off for years, thinking it too floral and overbearing for my palate. I accidentally ordered it in a quaint New Norfolk tearoom that used to be a church hall, and it was delightful. The trick, for me, is only to use one spoonful and brew it for 60 seconds, no more. Then it’s light and fragrant and truly delicious.

My favourite drink in Melbourne was the incredible Cos-no mocktail at the Green Man’s Arms - cranberry, blackberry and lime juices - sharp, fruity and very sophisticated!

Watching

Colin from Accounts (Binge): OMG this was fabulous. A fresh concept, clever writing, great acting and SO funny! And I loved that it was set in Sydney.

Call the Midwife (Binge and ABC iView) - Binge is the most appropriate channel for this show, as that is exactly what I have done over the past few months!

I think I’m in the minority on the finale of Succession (Binge) - I thought it was a complete anti-climax and I came away feeling very numb, in disbelief and unsure what the point of any of it had been. It reminded me of how I felt in the immediate aftermath of learning the Leave vote had won and when the news broke that Trump had won the US election (oh, 2016, you were a shitshow). If that was what Jesse Armstrong intended for the series - to show us that the people (the families!) who control the media are in fact very dangerous because the decisions they make in their own self interest have wider repercussions for the rest of the world that they never even consider - then he succeeded! The Times seemed to agree with me.

The finale of Ted Lasso (Apple TV+), by comparison, was sublime. That is how you end a show. It was so good, we’re now watching the whole series again from the beginning.

Wearing/ using

These amazing earrings (the lemons and the female sign) from Snafu Designs in Melbourne - I have barely stopped wearing them. They even look great with a hoodie! Speaking of the hoodie, I haven’t stopped wearing that either! A Reconciliation Week special from Captain Robbo.

A lime green roll-neck crop jumper from Tassie icon Keshet - it goes with everything.

Beautiful homemade socks that my aunt made me as a birthday gift - they are so comfy and warm, I never want to wear any other kind of socks.

Adventure pants from Captain Robbo in Northcote - I wasn’t sure these would suit me but they are wonderful and I can’t stop wearing them! I got the Magic Mushrooms and the Hot Pink Plane Trees. And if you pop into the store, make sure you meet the resident pooch, Twiggy!

Perhaps “not wearing/using” might be a category in future, because I feel moved to tell you I’ve been wearing my Fitbit less, certainly not to sleep as I had been doing this past year or so. I felt my “performance” was being evaluated and I’ve learned (the hard way) that’s not a good space for me to be in when I already feel under pressure in other parts of my life. If you are similarly moulded, I encourage you to give yourself a breather from your devices that measure your daily activities. Streaks can be motivating but they can also add more pressure when that’s the last thing you need.

feeling grateful for

I’m sure most of you recognise this woman - here’s a reminder if not!

My friends. People who show up for me time and time again, who are always full of warmth and ready with a kind word, whose assumptions are always generous. People who start a text with “I know I can tell you this, because you won’t take it the wrong way...” (and I likewise!). I am particularly grateful for two writing friends who always pick up the phone or reply to a text when I reach out in the midst of a crisis of confidence.

I am also grateful to have turned 42, an age quite a few people I’ve known in my life tragically never reached. I remember, in my late twenties, wondering what it would be like to be this age, the same age Virginia Woolf was when she wrote To The Lighthouse. Now I’m here. What does it feel like? Like I’m more myself, and that life is richer. It’s not as simple as it used to be (and of course I can only see it was simpler from where I’m standing now, 15 years on), but it’s undoubtedly richer.

I felt so lucky, marking turning 42 in Melbourne with my darling husband and our many friends there. It was a wonderful birthday, the best I’ve had in a while. These days my birthday is a day of real contemplation, a bit like a New Year, where I reflect on the year that’s gone and try to release anything that might have dragged me down, as well as any past ambitions that don’t really match up with who I am now. It’s a day where I remind myself how far I’ve come, how grateful I am for all the good things in my life, and think about what really matters to me, now, in this present moment. Perhaps I am starting to appreciate the limits to my time here on this planet. I am trying to use it well.

Quote of the MONTH

“Sometimes there are no rules.” - Mary Oliver

If you’d like to share your thoughts on this post, or anything else, with me, please do! I hope you also had a wonderful May….and I’ll look forward to sharing June with you very soon!

Please note: this blog post has affiliate links with retailers such as Booktopia which means I may receive a commission for a sale that I refer, at no extra cost to you.

my thoughts on quitting social media in THE GUARDIAN!

A few months ago, I started writing a blog post about my decision to step away from my personal social media accounts, the many drastic changes I had noticed in myself and how I was feeling about the decision, over a year later.

Reflecting on everything I’d learned over the year, I was particularly taken by many ideas put forward in Johann Hari’s Stolen Focus which I read towards the end of 2022. Stolen Focus showed me social media is not the only problem contributing to the attention crisis. One of the key messages of Hari’s whole thesis could be summed up by this paragraph:

…the truth is more complicated. The arrival of the smartphone would always have increased to some degree the number of distractions in life, to be sure, but a great deal of the damage to our attention spans is being caused by something more subtle. It’s not the smartphone in and of itself; it is the way the apps on the smartphone and the sites on our laptops are designed. (p.123)

Social media is addictive, because they have designed it to be. So, essentially, what I’d broken was an addiction. And when you resist any kind of addiction, you are up against a powerful force.

This is something I also hadn’t appreciated until I read Johann Hari’s book, which demonstrates that both governments and tech giants have left the responsibility for solving this crisis firmly with the individual. Why should they impose safeguards or make platforms less addictive - the individual should take responsibility for how often they’re on their phone, limit their use, just delete the apps, etc. The truth is it’s really not that simple for most people, hence why this needs a collective, systemic solution rather than telling people they just need to be more disciplined and take control of their lives. It’s like beating any other addiction - you need support, accountability and proof that it is possible. Therefore, Hari suggests, people like me who have managed to successfully step away probably need to be the strongest voice for change.

So after I wrote my blog post, and was about to hit publish, I thought…I’m sure I’m not the only person who feels this way. Why not reach a bit higher? (that’s also been a noticeable change since I stepped away from social media - aiming higher and having the courage to put my hat in the ring!)

So I pitched the idea to Guardian Australia, who said yes, and the Thursday before last, it went live!

The response has been really fantastic. I am so thrilled that people have engaged with the spirit of my experiment and even been inspired to try it themselves! I have had some really lovely messages from people all over the world who have generously shared their experiences and opinions with me. It’s been so deeply comforting to know that it's not just me who found the rage and anxiety of social media untenable.

I have felt more seen and heard with the publication of this article than with anything I ever posted on social media! It is very clear to me where my energy is best spent now.

Honestly, quitting social media is one of the best things I’ve ever done. I wasn’t getting the value out of it that I might once have, all it was doing was making me feel anxious, stressed and unworthy. Without it, I have a lightness of spirit that I possibly haven’t felt since I was a child. I have felt freer, more confident, more connected, less influenced and less alone.

I really hope that more and more people realise that we do have a choice and maybe if we vote with our feet (or our delete button), the tech giants will be forced to make some changes. I feel relieved and grateful that I've been able to step out of it and gain some sense of balance and perspective.

While there have been a few downsides, which have been tricky to negotiate at times, I have loved this experiment. It has felt, and continues to feel, exciting and authentic and even a little bit rebellious to have opted out, to not be following the crowd. I have really loved blogging again too and intend to continue as I have been.

If what I’ve shared here doesn’t resonate with you, that’s absolutely fine. I realise that there are people out there who are brilliant at social media and at managing their emotions around it - it doesn’t have the same mental impact on them as it has on me and many others. That’s great! Humans are complicated beings and we are allowed to be different and inconsistent, stronger in some things than in others. Perhaps, like Leonie Dawson, I may return one day. After all, nothing is ever set in stone and our needs and values evolve over time.

The past year away from social media has taught me a lot. I feel stronger for all the lessons learned. I feel enlightened and more curious about the world. And I am committed to doing whatever feels most right for me in the current moment. My only job, as Elizabeth Gilbert once sagely advised me, is to serve my creativity. And right now, my creativity is best served by keeping on doing what I’m doing!

I look forward to continuing to sharing this journey with you, wherever it takes me. Let me know what you think of the article!

"But you can’t make people listen. They have to come round in their own time, wondering what happened and why the world blew up under them." - Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

Please note: this blog post has affiliate links with retailers such as Booktopia which means I may receive a commission for a sale that I refer, at no extra cost to you.

this week and last week

The last strawberries!

Well, this week has turned into last week and last week turned into the week before last in the blink of an eye!

Sorry everyone. I have constant deadlines at the moment, as well as a few other stressful things happening behind the scenes which I don’t feel at liberty to discuss publicly so yes, needless to say, life has been and probably will continue to be hectic. But I’m trying to hold on to this space I’ve carved out for myself, to record the small details of life as I’m living it now. One day this will be the past and I’ll be glad I took the time to put it all down. One year can turn into five so quickly.

A few days ago we lit the fire in the house for the first time since December. It’s quite cold now in the evenings and the mornings - whenever the sun isn’t out, basically. I think I’ve picked the last strawberries. The autumnal air is still slightly tinged with the last breath of summer, but soon it will be woodsmoke, piles of leaves, earth being turned over.

This is an in-between time, I’ve come to realise - much like September is in the northern hemisphere, so is March in the south. Summer is definitely over, but we’re not quite in full-blown autumn yet. I’m still drinking crisp and cold white wine but craving the warmth and sweetness of a fruit crumble. Soaking up the sun, and even still sporting a tan in places, but also savouring the coziness of a favourite jumper, which is now always within easy reach.

highlights

Handing in 20,000 words to my supervisors, on time! I looked at the “Properties” of the Word document I submitted…7,076 minutes have been spent on the document, which translates to nearly 118 hours. It didn’t feel like it! And yet when my head hits the pillow every night, I sleep the sleep of the truly spent.

Writing and sipping tea in a colonial house merely metres away from where my character would have sipped tea too, two hundred years ago.

A catchup with a dear friend of 37 years over proper chai and vegan peanut butter cookies the size of our heads. I am godmother to her son, who will be 18 this year. It doesn’t feel that long ago that we were celebrating our own 18ths!

Figs I grew featured on the cheese platter! They were delicious with a piece of aged cashew cheese on top.

A much-loved aunt and uncle visiting from interstate, whom I hadn’t seen since 2019, coming round for drinks and nibbles. Like Tom and I, they have had to weather the tempests of other people’s opinions and judgements for taking unconventional paths in life, so it was really wonderful to spend a few hours catching up. I so enjoyed seeing them and feel very lucky to have them in my life. I think we’ll be a lot like this aunt and uncle in 30 years time…well, I hope so.

The open garden scheme run by Home Harvest last weekend, where we got to see five local backyard gardens and what the clever inhabitants had managed to achieve with them. I loved seeing pear and apple trees laden with fruit, beans climbing up frames, abundant patches of kale, silverbeet, beetroot, tomatoes and snow peas. I was so inspired. And reassured to see that many other Hobart gardeners have rogue pumpkins and potatoes too!

Reading

Just a few books I’ve devoured when I’ve not been chained to my desk…

I want to make particular note of Alison Croggon’s Monsters which might be my favourite book I’ve read this year. I devoured it in a day, could barely tear myself away from it. It was so poetically and cleverly written - taking the personal (a painful estrangement from her sister) and placing it within a wider global and cultural context, exploring how the “monsters” of racism, colonialism, privilege, white supremacy, and patriarchy have played out in the family history and in the eventual broken and dysfunctional dynamic Alison found herself in and how these attitudes have shaped her. She writes about how life for most white people who have grown up in the structures of colonialism and patriarchy becomes a series of convenient fictions, because we can’t find it in ourselves to truly acknowledge what horrific systems we are a part of - this is true of dysfunctional families as well. Alison thoughtfully and unflinchingly considers the “monsters” of her own life and psyche, her family and colonial Britain, which of course includes Australia, and, naturally, there are no neat endings or easy answers. It’s fascinating. I highly, highly recommend it.

I’ve also been enjoying Tamar Adler’s An Everlasting Meal which was mentioned in Diem Tran’s excellent newsletter a few weeks back. It’s all about cooking with economy and grace, with so many ideas for making the most of ingredients. I am loving it! Perfect bedtime reading.

The Guardian: Seven tips for eating well on a solo budget and yet another stolen generation.

Women’s Agenda: Michelle Yeoh’s epic win and call to women and girls (don’t let anyone ever tell you you’re past your prime!)

The Weekend Australian: A profile of one of my favourite novelists, who has a memoir coming out, and it sounds fascinating.

Listening to

I have been really enjoying Sarah Cahill’s The Future is Female, a three-volume series which celebrates and highlights women composers from the 17th century to the present day. It’s all piano music too, which I love! Wonderful writing music.

My inner autumn playlist, which naturally then went into winter, and now spring! But because the weather is so autumnal, I’m leaning back on the autumn playlist. I may or may not have mentioned but Tom and I use TIDAL, which is to our minds the most ethical of the current music streaming services, in that it does pay the artists.

PICKING

What the garden gave me one Thursday afternoon…..

The garden has been surprisingly prolific! The fig tree has been full of ripe fruit. I have given two bags away to a neighbour and a friend, and still have managed to have one or two each day sliced on pancakes, into a smoothie or just enjoyed on its own. Yesterday I picked another bowl:

Which I then roasted with white wine, brown sugar, cinnamon and star anise. They turned out beautifully and are so delicious. They’re now being stored in the fridge for this week’s breakfasts. I’ll be eating them with coconut yoghurt and granola, or on top of porridge. Yum!

I was also happy to see some of my own tomatoes in the garden finally turning red!

Picked quite a few zucchini too, which I’ve used in my cooking throughout the week. There are at least three more budding on the plant in the garden.

And then I woke up this morning to find a bag of vegetables - kale, silverbeet, more zucchini and more tomatoes - from my parents on the doorstep. They must have come past at an hour they knew we’d still be in bed! Kale and silverbeet are going in a soup tonight and the tomatoes might get made into a kasundi….

Eating

The last few weeks’ cooking and eating has been centred around making the most of the seasonal produce! I roasted a big tray of vegetables, which we enjoyed with pan-fried gnocchi; sautéed zucchini into buttery softness which becomes a wonderful pasta sauce; made bruschetta which is my favourite way to enjoy a glut of fresh tomatoes, from my garden or someone else’s; turned leftover porridge into pancakes which I topped with tahini, maple syrup, coconut yoghurt and fresh figs from the tree; a tofu scramble which was divine; a butter bean curry from Natural Flava which was delicious but so hot (1 tablespoon of curry powder next time rather than two, I think!)

I also did some baking with my zucchini and fig glut this weekend - chocolate courgette/zucchini cake from The Vegan Baking Bible with a lovely chocolate ganache icing on top, the usual banana bread with grated zucchini added, and the aforementioned roasted figs with spices and a pinot gris we didn’t like enough to drink but seems to be OK to cook with. In the banana bread and the figs, I used my favourite spice which was sent as a surprise from a kind friend in Melbourne. It arrived on a day I really needed cheering up and while she could not possibly have known that, she also somehow did in the way that kindred spirits always do.

And, of course, there were a few nights were we were too exhausted to do anything other than cook frozen dumplings or heat up leftover pasta and fall into a TV stupor! No need for photos of that. But know that it happens!

Drinking

Chai. Proper chai. It’s all I want to drink in autumn.

Watching

We got Binge in anticipation of the new season of Succession so not only have we rewatched season 3 so we remember what’s happened (!) but we finally caught up on the 2022 season of Masterchef UK, which has been one of my favourite shows for years. It was superb! Really loved seeing John and Gregg again, how well they nurture talent, and how inclusive this series was - it made me very happy to see a Deaf woman in the heats (it would have made my grandmother very happy too). It made me a little homesick for the UK too - or maybe nostalgic is the better word. Seeing familiar brands of foodstuffs I used to buy (though they always blur out the logos?!), remembering dishes I used to cook and the kinds of wonderful and different ingredients you could get. Great fun!

Likewise, have used getting Binge as an excuse to catch up on Call the Midwife, which is as wonderful and comforting and heart-wrenching as ever. One of my favourites!

As for films, I adored Maggie’s Plan, which Tom surprised me with - wonderfully written and acted, and really thought provoking. I love films set in New York City with quirky characters who are writers and academics, so this film was me to a tee.

It was a nice antidote to In Bruges, which we both watched for the first time the night before. I remember posters for it being all over the tube in London in 2008 when it first came out, but we never saw it until now. It was a bit too violent for me and hadn’t aged well - very homophobic with lots of ableist and fatphobic slurs that are just simply unacceptable, even if you’re trying to illustrate how repugnant a character is. Apparently, it’s supposed to symbolise purgatory - a setting that has always fascinated me, ever since I read T.S Eliot’s The Wasteland way back when. So even though The Banshees of Inisherin has won a lot of acclaim and I’m intrigued, as it’s the same team, I’m not sure it will be my cup of tea! But we’ll see.

We also watched Ford vs Ferrari which I surprisingly enjoyed. The race was a nail biter!

Wearing/ USING

I’ve been writing with my new metallic lilac Lamy fountain pen, which I treated myself to with some of my Van Diemen History Prize prize money. Every time I write with it, I try and remind myself I am an award-winning writer. It quiets the inner critic who has certainly not disappeared. I’m determined to keep it at bay and allow gratitude, humility and hope to be my guiding stars.

It keeps dawning on me - I am in what is likely my final year of my PhD. I am really trying to enjoy it because I have actually been working towards this my entire life. I want to remember as much and soak up as much as I can, and not be robbed of my pleasure and joy by fear, anxiety and self doubt, as I have been for so many years. I have let those things keep me small for long enough. I have also let the judgment of insecure people in the cheap seats keep me small for long enough. Now, the idea of playing small is more painful than the vulnerability of putting my hand up, of saying things out loud. It’s more painful than the risk that I’ll give it everything and it still won’t be enough. I don’t care about that anymore. I do not want to look back on this time with regrets. I want to make the most of every opportunity. People have said “if you don’t believe in yourself, you can’t expect anyone else to” to me for years but I finally understand how very, very true that is. And let’s face it, self doubt just gets very fucking boring after a while!

Grateful for

Everything. Like I said above, I’m trying to make gratitude my default position, even in the face of painful or inconvenient happenings. It really helps.

Quote of the week

“Half of life is lost in charming others. The other half is lost in going through anxieties caused by others. Leave this play. You’ve played enough.” - Rumi

If you’d like to share your thoughts on this post, or anything else, with me, please do! I hope you’re enjoying it getting warmer where you are, or finding things to savour about autumn as it gets cooler, like me! See you soon xx

Please note: this blog post has affiliate links with retailers such as Booktopia which means I may receive a commission for a sale that I refer, at no extra cost to you.

this summer

The view from Wendy’s Secret Garden in Sydney, where I was a few weeks ago.

The longer I put off writing a catch-up post, the longer the draft gets! And now we’re at the end of the Australian summer. I saw autumn leaves scattered on the pavement on my walk the other day and almost groaned out loud in indignation! I love autumn but I’m really not ready for summer to be over just yet.

But that’s the thing about the seasons, you can’t stop them from turning. They have their time and then have to give way for the next one. All we can do is make the most of them.

It has been a summer of fun, hard work, adventure, sun, books, words, friends, music, planting and harvesting. A summer of being brave, of being curious, of filling the well.

Grab a drink - warm or cold, depending on what it’s like where you are - and get ready for the mother of all catchup posts!

Favourite experiences of the summer

Every visit to the beach. Lying on a towel, refreshed from the ocean, a warm breeze drying my skin, looking up at that brilliant blue sky.

Shakespeare in the Gardens. This was a wonderful evening, watching one of my favourite Shakespeare plays, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, performed in the open air, under the trees which lit up as the sun set and night came. Tom and I sat happily among a few hundred other people on picnic blankets, having a lovely time. I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed a Shakespeare performance so much - the language was so beautiful and poetic, and I didn’t find myself switching off like I usually do with Shakespeare because the language is usually a bit too ornate, even for me! It was such a lively and engaging performance. I hope this will become a summer tradition for us.

Sydney. My first time in the city since November 2019, and what a joyful reunion it was. I went for work and so spent most of it doing research - site visits and working at the archives. I didn’t really tell anyone I was there apart from two friends, who I was overjoyed to see again. The rest of the time I spent alone, working, reading 200 year old letters and documents, deep in thought about my project, writing until 1am, soaking up as much art and culture and history as I could. It was my first time away from Tom in over three years too, so that was very strange! But despite missing him so very much, I had the most incredible time. I have to say, being able to travel interstate freely again feels wondrous! It’s crazy to think that this time two years ago our state’s borders were still closed to most of the country. It feels surreal now. But it ensured I didn’t take a moment of being in Sydney for granted.

Elizabeth Farm in Parramatta was one of the highlights of the trip. It’s an incredible place, where time has stood still, where history is made tactile and immersive. The chairs can be sat on, the beds laid on, doors opened, objects can be touched. It was as if the Macarthurs had slipped out to tend to the sheep, and I was just wandering around, looking at their lives. The guides were amazing, particularly one who had heard of my subject! “You’re the first person I’ve encountered since 2008 who’s heard of her!” she told me. This particular lady was very lovely and generous with her time, and showed me many hidden gems that other visitors walk right past.

The Art Gallery of New South Wales remains one of my favourites: Wednesday was late opening night, so when the archives closed at 6pm, I packed up and walked right over! It was pretty busy, hence my mask. Wandering around a gallery is one of my favourite things to do, with someone or alone, so I had a lovely time. I particularly enjoyed the From Here, For Now exhibit (and took selfies with the Tracey Emins, above!), the Daniel Boyd exhibit, and the 20th Century Galleries in general, particularly 15 gunshots… by Xiao Lu. The perfect Artist Date, really. My mind was buzzing with ideas, concepts and inspiration. The Sydney Festival was also getting started but I sadly didn’t catch the Frida Kahlo immersive biography, as it was booked out (unsurprisingly)!

Instead, on my last day, as the rain poured down and I could swear I saw steam rise from the hot pavements, I immersed myself in Brett Whiteley’s Studio not far from where I was staying in Surry Hills. It was AMAZING. I didn’t know much about Whiteley at all before this trip and now I’m a bit obsessed! I also visited Wendy’s Secret Garden, the stunning natural wild garden in Lavender Bay that is owned and maintained by his widow, and that is open to the public.

Working in the archives in Sydney was incredible, as expected. Having been prevented from visiting them in person for years because of the pandemic and all the interstate travel restrictions that existed for the longest time, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever get there again before my thesis was due. I was deeply grateful to be there. The staff were kind and helpful, and I saw everything I wanted to see. There’s a lot of boxes of “documents relating to the settlement of Tasmania” in the Mitchell Library, which aren’t very specific so one has to sift through so much stuff in case there’s a hidden treasure in there. And I did find some! The whole trip was so fruitful for my work and I returned to Hobart absolutely itching to start putting everything together.

Mona Foma! It was fantastic. We watched lots of great musical acts, drank fabulous wine, and really let our hair down for the first time in what has felt like years. Well, it has been years! I didn’t wear a mask once. It felt so wonderful to be out again, properly, seeing live music for the first time since January 2020, to mingle with fellow humans and seeing everyone happy and buzzing (it was a great crowd, no dramas or weirdos, and no insurmountable queues). It felt like a return to old times, but with everyone more mindful, more conscious that being able to do this - go to a festival, see live music, dance in a throng of people under the stars - was something we really used to take for granted. We now know how easily those joys and privileges can be taken away.

Reading

I wrote a separate post about Rebecca May Johnson’s Small Fires: An Epic in the Kitchen which is one of my books of the year so far - it’s just so brilliant and intriguing. I wish I could write about food and life in the way Johnson does, taking the everyday act of cooking and following a recipe and linking it to classic literature, psychology, histories of oppression, philosophy, the self, and what the food we cook says about all of that, and us.

I got some wonderful cookbooks for Christmas and have been steadily cooking my way through them for most of the summer - see the Eating section for more!

I am a huge fan of the Sydney Review of Books and so when I saw their latest anthology of essays, I knew I would love it - and I did. Open Secrets, Essays on the Writing Life is a collection from a wide variety of writers - some known to me, some not - about various aspects of their writing lives. Some are about one memorable turning point, others about the contents of their days and brains as they navigate the ups and downs of writing. As a writer, you cannot help but feel seen and understood reading a collection like this. Most of them were pandemic-tinged, unsurprisingly, which still made for fascinating reading. Standouts for me were the essays by Lauren Carroll Harris (boy, did I relate hard to that one), Laura Elizabeth Woollett, Fiona Kelly McGregor and Eda Gunaydin, but I particularly loved Oliver Mol’s essay, “La Vida”, which was an odyssey-like journey from Sydney to Barcelona, where Oliver is trying desperately to write a book he’s been thinking about for years, now he has the freedom to do so, and finds he cannot. And yet, around every corner, are coincidences and signs that he is being encouraged and supported, that he is a writer, even if the actual writing is proving temporarily elusive. I wiped away tears and felt viscerally in my body the self harm Oliver does to himself in a fit of helplessness and confusion at his perceived inability to cope, as my younger self had similar moments. And I rejoiced in his eventual realisation that “our only objective is firmly, and with great attention, to continue; to kindly, sincerely, try” (p.121) and how he learns to write without pressure, without expectation of outcome, meaning or purpose. Highly recommended!

Speaking of Sydney, I had a wonderful time walking through the bookshops there. So many favourites! Elizabeth’s in Newtown welcomed me back like we’d never been apart and, predictably, I spent hours there combing their packed shelves for treasures. During my trip I read Fiona McGregor’s A Novel Idea, which is the photographic documentation of McGregor writing her novel Indelible Ink over several years, which was fascinating; Between Us, a Women of Letters book that I didn’t have in my collection; and The Courage to Write: How Writers Transcend Fear which covered a lot of familiar ground but was still a good read, I think I’m just addicted to books about writing, really.

The Guardian: Why one woman is drumming for 100 hours over 10 days - we caught Chloe Kim’s final hour of her performance on Sunday at Mona Foma and she was quite extraordinary. This is a great article about endurance in art and music performance.

I am a huge Fawlty Towers fan but I think remaking it is a truly terrible idea - and I’m not the only one.

I’m enjoying Jessie Tu’s modern analysis of classic 1990s films for Women’s Agenda - she’s done Sister Act and Mrs Doubtfire so far.

This New Yorker article was….bizarre.

Vanity Fair: Monica Lewinsky shared 25 life lessons on the 25th anniversary of her name, and life, becoming one of the most scrutinised/villified of the late twentieth century (and all the years afterwards). Monica would be one of my dream dinner party guests; she seems like an incredibly grounded person who is empathetic, intelligent and a lot of fun. I loved all her tips but particularly #22.

The Conversation: ‘Something that happens in fiction’: romance writer Susan Meachen’s ‘fake death’ reminds us that the author is a construct by Ika Willis - OMG, Bad Art Friend, hold my beer. The romance writer who faked her own death and came back to Facebook as if nothing had happened is next-level twisted. I enjoyed Ika Willis’ literary studies take on it!

Also on The Conversation: an interesting analysis of the potato shortage that plagued Australia for much of the summer and Melanie Saward’s favourite fictional character is Queenie.

The Spectator: What a voice Plath had – stern yet somehow musical, long-vowelled, bear-like: Radio 4’s My Sylvia Plath - on 11 February it was 60 years since Plath’s death, so I also spent some time on the wonderful Gail Crowther’s website, especially Sylvia Plath, Safe Spaces, and the Violation of Women.

Finally, Room on the Broom, many times over, with our darling niece - we got it for her for Christmas and she is OBSESSED. It’s a wondrous thing to have a child in your life who loves to read as much as you do. I think it needs to be encouraged at all costs!

Listening to

At the start of the year, I decided to mix things up a bit with my writing music, which was almost completely dominated by my beloved Ludovico Einaudi and Nils Frahm. Every month, my most played artist on Tidal was Ludovico, by a mile! Nothing wrong with that of course, but when January 1 clicked over, I was suddenly seized by a desire for new and different, to shake up my creative practice a bit. If I listen to the same things, watch the same things, absorb the same things, I won’t be changed. My work won’t expand in the ways it needs to.

So I made a new writing playlist for myself - nouveau pour l’écriture - full of new piano discoveries, mostly by women composers and performers. Sophie Hutchings, Grace Ferguson, Alice Baldwin, Poppy Ackroyd, Olivia Belli, Emilie Levienaise-Farrouch, and more! It’s been wonderful to surround myself with the sounds I love but with new melodies and energies. I highly recommend all of them.

I also made a Sydney playlist - something I love to do when I travel is make a playlist of songs I hear while I’m there. In a cafe or bar, in a shop, on the street, in the hotel lobby. Shazam on the iPhone is a godsend! These songs will always make me think of this trip!

As for podcasts…..there have been a few.

The First Time: Summer Series - A beginning & Claire G Coleman and Summer Series: Helen Garner

Books and Travel: Solo Walking the Camino De Santiago Portuguese Coastal Route with J.F Penn, Thoughts From the Pilgrims’ Way

The Creative Penn: Writing Tips: How Character Flaws Shape Story with Will Storr (Will Storr’s work was recommended by my PhD supervisor)

The Art of Work: Classicist and bestselling writer Dame Mary Beard on what she has learnt about power - this was an excellent interview with a woman I very much admire. She said something that has stayed with me in the weeks since I listened to it: that resilience is a very underrated/undervalued virtue these days, that life is tough and of course it would be great if the world only had nice, supportive people in it but the reality is, it doesn’t. You’ve got to carry on regardless.

The Imperfects: Santa Claus - A Special Vulnerability House - this was hilarious. Glenn Robbins playing Santa Claus, getting worried phone calls from Rudolph because the sleigh is in a no standing zone…genius!

James and Ashley Stay At Home: Digging into shame with Hayley Scrivenor and all the mini-episodes about Ashley’s new novel Dark Mode, which I can’t wait to read!

Writer’s Book Club Podcast: This kept me company while I was in Sydney. The Kate Forsyth episode was the standout one for me - I will be listening to it again, with a notebook alongside. I also very much enjoyed the Hannah Kent and Nigel Featherstone interviews.

The Rich Roll Podcast: my friend Mary, who I was lucky enough to see while I was in Sydney, got me on to this! I loved the Seth Godin, Mel Robbins and Rick Rubin episodes.

Akimbo: Once I heard the Rich Roll interview with Seth, I needed more so I listened to his own podcast, particularly enjoying the Genius, It’s not about the chocolate and Blogs and Platforms and Permission episodes.

All The Small Things: Natasha Lunn on love and friendship and Is wellness just another fashion trend? with Rina Raphael

The Guilty Feminist: Phoebe Waller-Bridge at the Royal Festival Hall

Daisy is Insatiable: Shahroo Izadi - I’ve been really captivated by Shahroo and her work, but I’m not going to list all the interviews with her I’ve listened to over the summer because I’ll probably look like a bit of a stalker, haha! But this one was probably the best.

Wellness with Ella (formerly the Deliciously Ella podcast): I’ve got back into this in a big way! Really enjoyed all the episodes I’ve caught up on, especially Happiness, Change and Emotional Resilience, Jay Shetty: the untold journey, Ella on finding purpose and putting mental health first and Jake Humphrey: the power of optimism.

Eating

The cinnamon scroll from the all-vegan Sydney patisserie, Miss Sina. Run, don’t walk!

Obviously, the food in Sydney was AMAZING. I’ve written all about my favourite Sydney vegan eats for Onya magazine - as I ate my way around the city and slowly amassed a list of must-trys, places I definitely wanted to return to with Tom on our next trip, I thought that surely this information would be useful for others too. Once a journo, always a journo - I pitched the idea to Sandi at Onya, she said yes almost immediately, so now there’s a whole vegan series in the works. Melbourne, unsurprisingly, is next!

But here’s what else I’ve been cooking and eating at home over the summer:

• For Christmas treats, I made vegan gingerbread truffles, Nigella’s sticky vegan gingerbread and the now famous Oreo brownies

• Tomato orzo one-pan bake (from The Green Roasting Tin with a few amends)

• Spicy tempeh sushi and a vegan cheese platter for Christmas Eve Eve (sushi recipe from Veganomicon, which I picked up in NYC in 2015)

• Rick’s pasta for Christmas Eve dinner - we were inspired by The Holiday and how Miles and Iris eat “Christmas Eve fettuccine” - like them, we ate pasta, popped some bubbly and celebrated being young and being alive!

• Caesar salad with crispy chickpea croutons from Moby’s Little Pine cookbook, one of my Christmas presents

• Asparagus and romesco aioli pizza, made on the barbecue - a variation on a recipe also in Moby’s Little Pine cookbook

• Jerk lentil burgers (from Natural Flava)

• Pickled avocado - OMG, life changing! Great to put on burgers (from Cooking from the Spirit by Tabitha Brown)

• Sweet potato curry with jollof rice (from Natural Flava)

• Potato and broad bean quesadillas - broad beans grown by me!

• Silken tofu summer breakfast bowls - these are so wonderful! If you want a refreshing and delicious summer breakfast, you have to try them.

• Mexican rice bowls with black beans, guac, corn, salad, etc - these have been a staple meal all summer ever since I had a delicious similar meal at Bad Hombres in Sydney. So filling, so healthy, so delicious!

• Callaloo pesto pasta (from Natural Flava)

• Roast carrot and sweet potato rice paper rolls with homemade satay sauce

• Mango coleslaw (from Natural Flava)

• Tempeh “shwarma”, something I just made up and it was delicious!

• Butterscotch pudding from Moby’s Little Pine cookbook (really nice!)

• Muesli tahini flapjacks/breakfast bars

• Deliciously Ella’s orzo (risoni) recipes from the app - we tried a mushroom miso one and a red pepper tahini one, both amazing!

• Chargrilled broccolini with pesto linguine

• An EPIC quinoa salad I made up, featuring green beans from the garden, roasted pumpkin, and tofu ‘feta’ which was amazing. I made it for my friend Anne who came round for dinner one baking hot night. Served with an Imago sourdough baguette alongside, it was quite the feast.

I also made apricot and vanilla jam and dried apricots (on the dehydrate function on my air fryer) with the four or so kilograms I got from a farm across the river. No fruit on the family trees this year! Most jars of the jam have been given as gifts, I have one left for me. And the dried apricots were the best ones I’ve ever had, and made my garage (where the air fryer lives) smell like my grandparents’ house did.

Drinking

A Red Corvette cocktail at Wrest Point’s Birdcage Bar, which I hadn’t been to or had since perhaps 2003. It tasted just the same as I remembered and went down all too easily!

I got hooked on bubble tea while I was in Sydney - I know, why did it take me so long to try it? Gong Cha was my favourite place to get one and I was delighted to find out they have a branch in Hobart too. QQ Passionfruit is my favourite flavour, followed by Lychee Oolong.

Above, me with an Aperol Spritz at Mona Foma! A bright drink to go with my bright outfit, haha! They always make me think of trips to Berlin.

Finally, pandan soy milk at Han Phuc Vegan in Sydney - surprisingly good! Sweet, creamy and refreshing.

PICKING

Over the summer I’ve harvested strawberries, potatoes, garlic, peas, green beans, broad beans, zucchini, and silverbeet on the regular. The caterpillars got my kale, boo. We also have random pumpkins taking over the entire garden! Beetroots are starting to look good and soon we’ll have even more potatoes. The fig tree’s branches are heavy with fruit that’s slowly going from green to purple. The tomatoes are plentiful but still green on the vine. Never mind, I have a great green tomato pickle recipe if they don’t end up being coaxed into their fullest, reddest expression.

Watching

The Crown (BluRay and Netflix) - we decided to watch the entire series again before embarking on Season 5, so we went right back to the wonderful Claire Foy and Matt Smith beginning. Seasons 1 and 2 really are the best, in my opinion!

We had a bit of an Edgar Wright season and watched Baby Driver (Amazon Prime) and Last Night in Soho (Amazon Prime) back to back. Enjoyed both very much, but I preferred Baby Driver out of the two.

I’ve got back into Call the Midwife (ABC iview and Binge) in a big way, as it’s a bit of a comfort watch for me - well, I say that, every episode is hard-hitting in its own way. Every episode makes me cry, even if it’s just a routine birth where nothing goes wrong! It’s an emotional release of sorts, I think.

Wearing

I’ve been wearing this running top I got in Sydney non-stop - it even kind of works with my Kemi Telford skirts!

I’ve also been wearing this beautiful perfume that Tom got for Christmas and it’s been my scent of the summer, though I can see it working well for winter too, with its smoky and leathery notes of oud and amber. I also love Goldfield and Banks’ Sunset Hour which smells of peach, mandarin, raspberry and ginger - absolutely stunning scent for warm weather. Confession, I have nearly all of the Goldfield and Banks range! They make incredible perfumes. Seven years ago, the perfume tray on my dressing table was nearly all Jo Malone bottles and now I’m well and truly in my Goldfield and Banks era! I am happy to skimp on makeup but on scent, never.

Other favourite wearables this summer have been our ally-friendly Always Was Always Will Be shirts from Clothing the Gaps, replacement running shoes (I just bought exactly the same ones!) and this jumpsuit from Tassie designers Keshet, very much a head turner like the one I bought this time last year! As seen on me in the pics at Mona Foma 💚

Grateful for

A fun start to what I think is going to be an interesting year.

Quote of the SUMMER

“Seek joy” has really been my quote of the summer, as it was the attitude I decided to go into this year with. But this quote really spoke to me when I came across it in the pages of a book that I now can’t recall the name of.

I’ve been thinking about this concept of belonging to yourself a lot, particularly as 2022 ended and the new year began. It’s now been over a year since I stepped away from personal social media and I can see how much I’ve changed. How much kinder I am to myself, how much stronger I feel, how unafraid I am to set boundaries. Stronger in the broken places too - some difficult things that happened now belong to “last year”, or even the year before. Time has given me the gift of perspective, and perspective has given me strength.

So, that has been the start to my 2023. Working hard but also taking every chance I can to enjoy life.

If you’d like to hit the button below and let me know what you think, or what you’ve been up to in 2023 so far, please do - I would love to hear from you.

I hope you’ve had a fun, relaxing and memorable summer, or a restorative winter, depending on where you are in the world. Stay safe and well, until next week, when normal programming will resume! xx

Please note: this blog post has affiliate links with retailers such as Booktopia which means I may receive a commission for a sale that I refer, at no extra cost to you.