heavy in my mind like a ripe pear

“As for my next book, I won’t write it till it has grown heavy in my mind like a ripe pear; pendant, gravid, asking to be cut or it will fall.” - Virginia Woolf

My PhD novel has been growing heavy in my mind for nearly 20 years.

Its shape has shifted, then shifted again. Then again. And then again once more.

I think it’s ready, asking, to be cut now. But if instead it falls from the branch it has clung to for all these years, I hope it lands in a pile of soft dry grass, where it will be safe from the hungry parrots who have been feasting on fruit still on the trees. Where it isn’t left too long to be picked up, still fine to eat, with perhaps only a tiny bruise or two from the fall to be cut away.

Worse case scenario, maybe it will be scooped up with all the other windfalls and be made into a lovely crumble.

I lit my first fire in the house last week. Picked figs, rhubarb, runner beans, iron-rich greens so dark they are almost ink-black. Made yoghurt. Failed at making yoghurt. Wrote and wrote, deleted, despaired, then wrote again.

The pear will be cut, or it will fall.

my favourite cookbooks: a gift guide

This is just one section dedicated to cookbooks in my home….

I thought this would be a useful post to do this time of year, as a good cookbook always makes a wonderful gift for the foodie in your life.

It’s no secret to anyone who knows me that cookbooks are something I adore and devour as enthusiastically as I do food itself. I have found myself revisiting a lot of my favourite food writers throughout 2020. Dystopian fiction was quickly put away in favour of the poetic prose of Nigella Lawson or Nigel Slater, their words conjuring the homely festive spices of gingerbread and fruit cake, the yeasty smell of bread rising, or the sight of a gloriously golden cheesy crust on a pie. It was the perfect escapism for much of this crazy year.

Every now and then I will tire of my usual dinner repertoire (if you’ve been following my 2020 Dinners stories on Instagram, you’ll know what I mean!) and want to try a few new things. I scan my shelves quickly and pull down whichever volumes look most appealing, and sit myself down with a cup of coffee, a pile of cookbooks and a notepad and pen to hand to meal plan and pick new recipes to try. It’s my idea of bliss.

While I love reading about food, I find myself in the bizarre situation of rarely making the actual recipes of some of my favourite food writers (the two aforementioned Ns being an example). So when cookbooks come along that I both enjoy reading AND end up cooking from, that makes for a very impressed Phil indeed.

So, these are the cookbooks I have loved reading and have cooked from the most in 2020, and some of the recipes have become absolute staples in our house that I now cannot imagine life without. Some of them were released this year or last year, others are a couple of years old. But they’re all fabulous!

Family by Hetty McKinnon

I think this is probably my most-used cookbook of the year. Without fail, every recipe I’ve tried has been astonishingly good. I keep a vegetarian home and so it was to my great delight that I discovered all of Hetty’s recipes are meat-free. After trying a few of the recipes in the pasta section, I decided I would make it my mission to try every pasta recipe in the book. Achievement unlocked! And they are all magnificent. If you’re a confident home cook who enjoys hearty and healthy vegetable-based meals, you will fall in love with this cookbook and its great ideas without a doubt!

Hetty has a new book out this year - To Asia With Love - which may be, I have on good authority, waiting under the Christmas tree for me…

My favourite recipe: I have loved them all but it is a tie between the One-Pan Sweet Potato Mac and Cheese on page 149 (great weeknight meal) and the Pasta with Miso Brown Butter Sauce (special occasion meal) on page 129. Just get this book, you won’t regret it!

Green by Elly Pear

I own all of Elly Pear’s books but I think this one is her best yet, by far. She writes imaginative, healthy vegetarian and vegan recipes which are bursting with flavour and surprises, but that are achievable in your likely limited kitchen around a busy life. She has ideas for weeknights and meals you can freeze, as well as weekend recipes where you might have a little more time to potter around the kitchen and make something delicious. She sounds like a cook after my own heart - she abhors waste and shows you how to use everything up and repurpose leftovers. But her food is also a celebration of seasonality, flavour and very creative too.

My favourite recipe: The Pumpkin Gnocchi with Brown Herb Butter and Kale Almond Pesto (p.30-35). I was surprised by how easy it was! I hate faff as you all know, but this was so quick and easy, and quite meditative to put together. I felt like a real pro seeing the trays of gnocchi laid out and ready for the pan. And it looked and tasted like something I’d order in a restaurant!

A Basket By The Door by Sophie Hansen

I don’t remember how I came across this book. I think a few people I follow on Instagram mentioned making Sophie’s passata during the first week of autumn - a golden time really, before everything changed. I found this book such a comforting read during the rest of autumn when Hobart was in its version of lockdown and we went days without leaving the house at times. I had an abundant garden with produce to use, and it was a great way to show family and friends I cared during that time - we couldn’t visit but I could leave a jar of apple butter on the doorstep with a note. I ended up getting another copy for Mum for Mother’s Day, I loved it that much and found myself taking it to bed with me most nights. The idea of making preserves, pies, cordials, biscuits and comforting food was deeply reassuring and prevented too many sleepless nights.

This is not a vegetarian cookbook but there are plenty of meat-free recipes and many of the meaty recipes are easily adaptable.

My favourite recipe: the Olive and Walnut Pesto (p.159) is magic - it tastes so rich and delicious and I’ve found many uses for it. The Apple Butter (p.198) was also made many times with windfall apples left on my doorstep by my parents. It’s heavenly stirred into thick Greek yoghurt for breakfast and I am already looking forward to autumn and making it again!

Deliciously Ella Quick and Easy, Deliciously Ella: The Plant-Based Cookbook and Deliciously Ella with Friends all by Ella Mills

I am hard-pressed to say which of these books is my favourite because I cook from them all quite regularly - or have certainly got some new ideas from them which I’ve then adapted to my own tastes - so I heartily recommend all three to you!

I am not new to plant-based eating as you know and it is rare to find vegan cookbooks that have new and interesting ideas and recipes rather than the same old things that get trotted out time and time again. All of these books have excellent recipes and ideas for delicious vegan (and in many cases gluten-free) cooking. The latest one, Quick and Easy, also features wisdom from the DE podcast, which I also highly recommend and enjoy on the regular.

My favourite recipe: from DE with Friends it would have to be the Garlicky Black Beans (p.190), I make that ALL the time and it’s fabulous either as a wrap filling, a baked potato topping or just with steamed rice. From The Plant-Based Cookbook, the Apple and Banana Spelt Muffins (p.47) get made pretty regularly around here. And from Quick and Easy, the Spanish-Style Rice (p.241) and the Spinach and Chickpea Curry (p.154) have had rave reviews and gone down a treat.

Plenty by Yotam Ottolenghi

This is Yotam Ottolenghi’s second cookbook and it came out in 2010 - so not a new cookbook, but personally I think it’s his best and it’s my favourite of all his books. Anyone who loves food and cooking will be familiar with his work, and his innovative, original flavours and ways of making vegetables absolutely shine. If you love vegetables, cheese, spices, fresh herbs and a bit of a kick - be it from lemon, chilli or both - this is the book for you!

My favourite recipe: Where do I start? It would be a tie between the Spicy Moroccan Carrot Salad (p.14) which I have made countless times and am still not sick of; and the Caramelised Garlic Tart (p.38) which I made for Christmas lunch a few years ago and will be making again this year!

Special Guest by Annabel Crabb and Wendy Sharpe

What a treat this book is! When we first moved back to Australia, I borrowed it from the library and once I started leafing my way through it, I knew I was going to have to buy my own copy, or risk getting splatters all over the library copy (poor library etiquette of the highest order right there).

As the name suggests, these recipes (all pescetarian or vegetarian - and also very mindful of other dietary requirements like kosher or halal) are ideal for entertaining and parties, and for occasions when you’re going to a party and need to bring something that will be a crowd-pleaser. I’ve loved everything I’ve tried and while there’s not been much entertaining at our home this year (obviously) I am hopeful of a summer where we can have special guests around once more.

My favourite recipe: While my family have loved (and have requested again this Christmas) the Salted Caramel Crack (p.198), my favourite recipe from this book is the Fennel, Walnut and Sundried Tomato Pappardelle (p.49). Absolutely exquisite! I feel like making it RIGHT NOW. Probably wasn’t a good idea to start writing this blog post at dinner time….

What are your favourite, most-used cookbooks? I’d love to hear your recommendations!

my favourite books of 2017

I can't be the only person rubbing their eyes and thinking "Oh God, how is it the end of February already?!"...but here I am. I've never really managed to do my best books post of the year in a timely fashion - but I'm determined to never let it get to August like I did several years ago. In my defence, I had spent all of that year writing my own book! 

This time, instead of doing a measly Top 10 which is always difficult to whittle down, I'm just going to pick my favourites and tell you why, in the hope that you'll be moved to check them out too.

So here goes, of the 83 books I read in 2017, these were the ones that stood out. And as always, because I read and savour them like novels, cookbooks are included. 

My favourite book of the year - After by Nikki Gemmell

I am still reeling from this gaping wound of a book. Written in the aftermath of her mother's suicide, Nikki's words made me think long and hard about the relationship between a mother and daughter, how it can be so brutal and beautiful. After was absorbing, heartbreaking, thoughtful, tender, anguished and, as always, beautifully written. 

Fresh India by Meera Sodha

Absolutely stunning, and the first cookbook to make me feel hungry again after having the worst flu of my life over Christmas (sob!). I made the temple tomato rasam as a gentle reintroduction to solid food and it was exquisite. The smell of the garlic, ginger, chilli, cumin and curry leaves frying together was so restorative I almost wept. Every recipe of Meera Sodha's I've made - whether from this book or from her Guardian column - has been sensational so I'd highly recommend you check her out if you like to cook. 

The Dry by Jane Harper

I'd heard great things about this book and wasn't disappointed. Even though I'm not normally a crime fiction person, I've been reading more and more of them lately! The Dry was riveting and well-written, brilliantly paced and intricately plotted. I didn't see the twist coming, which is always a good sign. I found the portrait of the claustrophobic, drought-ridden country town very authentic too. 

When It Happens To You by Molly Ringwald

Yes, *that* Molly Ringwald - who is as compelling a storyteller with the written word as she is on screen and stage. I wasn't sure what to expect, but this "novel in stories" had me intrigued from the first page. Over the course of the book, through these stories where the lives of various characters (convincingly) intersect, Ringwald creates a world where these flawed but ultimately good people find their lives punctured by betrayal, in its various forms. It's realistic and compelling reading, and her writing has a lovely lyrical quality in places. The characters are brought to life beautifully, I particularly enjoyed Betty the neighbour, and how the philandering Phillip was welcomed back into his estranged family. It's a book that makes you think, not just about life and family and relationships, but how might you feel, as the title suggests, when it happens to you.

My Life in France by Julia Child (a re-read)

I re-read this last summer in preparation for my first trip to Paris in over seven years. This is one of my favourite books and this read of it reminded me why. It is just pure joy, from start to finish. Julia finds herself in a foreign country, not speaking the language, knowing very few people and wanting to discover her purpose in life. "At age thirty-seven, I was still discovering who I was," she writes. I feel very similarly! Her delight in discovering the pleasures of food and cooking, and her incredible work ethic and refusal to give up on a project she believed in wholeheartedly, is a balm for the soul for anyone feeling a little cynical or dejected. Never give up! 

Island in the East by Jenny Ashcroft

A luscious historical novel that has a bit of everything - love, war, betrayal, heartbreak, tragedy, redemption and hope - resulting in a sumptuous, evocative read with characters that will linger in your mind long after you've finished reading. And, at time of writing, it's only £1.99 on Kindle! 

Little Boy Lost by Marghanita Laski

I heard about this book on the Tea and Tattle podcast special Persephone Books episode, where Miranda and Sophie discussed their favourites. I read it in one weekend. It was absolutely breathtaking. It was desperately sad at times, even depressing, as it follows a father's journey to try and find his missing five-year-old- son after the Second World War, but all in all, it is a stunning novel about loss and hope. I'd even go so far as to say it's a masterpiece. 

The Christmas Chronicles by Nigel Slater

I think Nigel Slater could write a book about paint drying and it would still be a bestseller. This book is magnificently evocative and poetic in true Nigel style as he shares with us a celebration of his favourite time of year - Christmas, and winter in general. A cold Christmas is something I've wholeheartedly embraced living in the UK and for the very first time ever, I looked forward to winter after reading this book. All of his ideas - like enjoying a white port and tonic, in the same way you'd enjoy gin - are delicious and inspiring. A must-read for the colder months.

Between A Wolf And A Dog by Georgia Blain

Sometimes I think the best novels are those that are set over the course of just one day. Let's face it, a lot can happen. Between A Wolf And A Dog explores the goings on of one rainy day (and a little bit into the next) in Sydney, in the lives of several characters in one family, by blood and by marriage. Blain explores the pain and heartbreak of separation and betrayal, how life as we know it can be over in an instant, and captures the minutiae of life, from the sound of the rain falling to the colour of an enamel ring on a character's hand, with a poet's touch. The plight of one character's fate is all the more poignant knowing that Blain herself passed away not long after the novel was published. It's a wonderful book and hammers home all the more that the Australian literary community lost someone very special indeed with her passing.

Anything You Do Say by Gillian McAllister

A completely gripping and engrossing novel with two parallel narratives. In the style of Sliding Doors, you see two storylines playing out if the protagonist, Joanna, had made a different decision. That decision is whether to leave the scene of a crime, or to dial 999 and hand herself in. I was completely engrossed in this novel as the story played out and Joanna grappled with the aftermath of this incident in both scenarios. The anxiety, guilt and fear that she feels - in both storylines - is palpable and will have you turning the pages! It's the sort of story that certainly makes you wonder how you would react if you were ever in the same situation. At the time of writing, it's only 99p on Kindle which is an absolute bargain!

Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle

Having written a book about self-discovery after a marriage breakdown myself, I knew I'd enjoy this (and undoubtedly think "oh, she put that so much better than I did!"). I found it relatable on so many levels, not just the marriage breakdown side of things because ultimately this is a book about learning to save yourself, rather than a marriage, or anyone else. It's courageous and candid, and I'd highly recommend it if you've found yourself at a crossroads in life and need to see that it is possible to find your way through to the other side. 

Talking As Fast As I Can by Lauren Graham

A fabulous read - what a warm, witty writer Lauren Graham is. I especially liked the sections of the book that reflected on her own writing practice. It revolutionised my own writing practice last year and reacquainted me with the idea of good old fashioned discipline! Funny and inspiring.

Upstream by Mary Oliver

Normally I gulp books down in a day or two, sometimes hours, but occasionally one comes along that demands careful savouring. This was one of them. One of my favourite poets, Mary Oliver turns her exquisite touch to essays in this collection which covers everything from the creative life, meditations on the work of her own favourite writers like Poe and Whitman, or observing nature, such as a spider making a web in the stairwell of a rented house at 5am each day.  I love her boundless curiosity, and how she lives so thoughtfully and intelligently.

Option B by Sheryl Sandberg

One of the best books on grieving, trauma and healing that I've ever come across. Within just a few pages I was trying not to cry as Sheryl shared the terrible story of her husband's sudden death and the painful aftermath of it. It's a very readable and relatable book with lots of personal insight, research and practical advice - even, believe it or not, humour (she uses sarcasm to great effect in places!) - which anyone navigating a loss I'm sure will find helpful and of comfort.  It's a real tribute to human resilience. 

So, not a bad reading year....and my favourites only had one bloke (and a fabulous bloke at that) among them! In 2018 I'd like to read more British women writers and more women in translation. 

Have you read any of these books? What did you think? What were your favourite reads of last year? Do you have any goals for your reading this year? Do let me know!

The links to the books in this post are Amazon Affiliate links. 

The Latte Years is on sale this weekend!

It's April 25 on Monday and it will be TEN years since I reached my goal and began living a completely different life.  A sweet friend from my blogging days in Melbourne dubbed it "Phil's Revolution Day" and I thought was a most apt description!

To celebrate, The Latte Years e-book is discounted on Kindle, iBooks and Kobo all weekend! 

And make sure you pop back on Monday because there will be an extra surprise for you!

Happy Phil's Revolution weekend to you all xx

where two roads diverged: the latte years hobart launch

The Hobart launch of The Latte Years a few months ago was not unlike a wedding - gathering in great excitement with my parents and siblings at the family home beforehand, with sparkling wine and hair and makeup preparations; a fancy car to take us right to the door; getting my photo snapped the minute I alighted outside Fullers Bookshop; speeches; even a CAKE (!); but most of all, seeing the faces of so many people I love and knowing they were all there to celebrate something very special.

Also like a wedding, it's amazing how suddenly you get so incredibly nervous, knowing that everyone's there because of you! 

But it was wonderful, utterly wonderful, in every way. Like my wedding day, I'd do it all again tomorrow and wouldn't change a thing.

An aside: towards the end of 2004, as it began occurring to me that I needed to start at least trying to extricate the shit out of the blades of the fan that was my life, I joined a T.S Eliot appreciation group that met once a week at Fullers Bookshop in Collins Street, Hobart. I was the youngest person in the group, by about a quarter of a century, but I loved it. Our leader was passionate and inspiring, and it was rocket fuel for my brain that had been lying dormant since graduating from uni two years before. The discussions always ended in the Afterword Cafe, where we were given coffees and slivers of fudge. So to say it was surreal, just over 11 years later, to be back there launching my own book, is something of an understatement! 

If you've ever been to Fullers, you'll know what an oasis it is. It's one of the world's loveliest bookshops, warm and comforting like a favourite relative's house, and smells like two of my most favourite things in the world - books and coffee.  It was amazing to be there, and to see my book everywhere I looked!

My friend and one of my most favourite writers of all time (if you haven't read Mothers Grimm, go and get it now, it's amazing!), Danielle Wood, officially launched The Latte Years. She began by reading a poem very dear to my heart, Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken", and these are a few of the very kind words that followed:

“Phil’s story is not really so much about health, fitness and body issues, but about a journey every single one of us will understand - the journey to being the very best version of ourselves that we can possibly be. ”

“...we are, every single day of our lives, every single moment, confronted by diverging paths. The choice of what to do, what to say, what to think....with each tiny choice, we are forging our character. And that’s what The Latte Years is really all about.

..it’s not a matter of choosing the steep, difficult and challenging path once. As Phil tells us in The Latte Years, you have to keep choosing it. Every single time two roads diverge in a yellow wood. And that will make all the difference.”

And then it was my turn to say a few words and, to be honest, I was quite overcome. I felt overwhelmed with gratitude and love, for everyone in the room. A friend had flown over from New Zealand to be there, another from New South Wales, and another still had flown down from Melbourne that day as a surprise, and casually strolled into Fullers with her baby strapped to her back and into my gobsmacked, overjoyed and utterly overwhelmed arms. There were old friends there, some I've known for 30 years or more; family; former classmates, their partners and children; women who taught me in primary and secondary school; and even a handful of readers I had never met but who wanted to come and say hello (and I'm so glad they did!). It felt strange but unbelievably wonderful that this little book I had drafted and redrafted, smiled and cried over, alone in my study on the other side of the world was now out and being read. It was all now real. It had gone beyond a Word file on my Macbook and was now a real book. I was a real author. And I got to celebrate it by returning to where I'd come from, where the story began.  

“Many of you would know that The Latte Years started life as a novel. Fiction is a wonderful vehicle for so many things but in this case, it was a shield. It was a way to distance myself from everything that had happened. I told myself I was trying to make it more universal but in truth it was a way of trying to rewrite the past, to bring everything to more satisfying conclusions than had been reached in real life.

But The Latte Years became the book it was destined to be, and that it needed to be. I had to write this book exactly as it is. Our stories choose us, we don’t choose them.

And the thing about being brave that we’re never told is that it’s not about feeling righteous and invincible, all swords and shields. Being brave is about putting the shield down.

I wrote this book because I knew I couldn’t possibly be the only person in the world who lost their way in their youth and life didn’t turn out as planned. I couldn’t be the only person who went through a divorce in their twenties and had to learn how to heal, trust and love again after heartbreak. I couldn’t be the only one who found out success has a dark side. I couldn’t be the only one who’s had ‘friends’ screw them over. I couldn’t be the only one who has reached a goal, that was once upon a time so out of reach, and then wondered ‘what’s next?’

And it turns out, I’m not. Far from it. The response to The Latte Years has been beyond anything I could have hoped for. I’m so happy that it’s helped so many people, because it’s also helped me. It turns out it was a book even I needed! I needed to remember the strength and power we all have to turn our lives around when we’ve lost our way. I needed to remember how empowering it is to take responsibility for your life and your choices.

Most of all, I needed reminding that the past is the past. I can’t change any of it. And now, I don’t know if I would, even if I could. Because it got me to right here, right now. And I wouldn’t change that for anything.”

And then it was time to drink wine and sign some books. By the time we reached the end of the line, my hand hadn't been that sore since university exams in 2001, but it was totally worth it. I was told I had attracted a bigger crowd than Molly Meldrum! Ha ha.

One of the things I didn't anticipate writing a memoir is how INSANELY FUN it is when so many of your 'characters' show up to your book launch...including Sarah and Dave from Canada!! 

How often do you get a world famous author show up to your book launch?! I was a squealing fan-girl on the inside!

Fullers were amazing - they even did this gorgeous window display which I couldn't get enough pictures of. Occasionally I stood on the pavement and just stared at it (and got curious stares in return!). 

I know it sounds silly but I'm still having moments of OH MY GOD I WROTE A BOOK IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING? and I have occasional moments of overwhelming pride and disbelief, when I see a picture of it being read somewhere, or my own copy on my shelf in my study, that I wrote that. It's still all sinking in, like I wrote in my last post.

Thank you again Fullers Bookshop and if you were there that night in Hobart, thank you for being a part of it. It was one of the happiest nights of my life. 

Now how about a (virtual) piece of that amazing cake?