a mention on Life & Faith podcast!

Having been off it for many years now, I had no idea that Facebook has now been in existence for over 20 years (?!). This anniversary prompted the hosts of Life & Faith podcast to have a very interesting chat about the social media age and the impact it has had on our lives. I was very honoured that they discussed my Guardian article! I was also fascinated by another writer they discussed, Andy Crouch, who made this apt comparison:

“You probably have heard that with icebergs, 80% of their mass is underwater, invisible – you just see the little top of the iceberg. And as it turns out, ocean liners – like, cruise liners – 80% of the structure is above the water. And what social media has done is turn all of us from icebergs into ocean liners, where most of our life is on display. The problem is, in your life, you’re going to hit icebergs. You’re going to hit real challenges, real pain, real loss, real suffering, and the testimony of maritime history is when an ocean liner meets an iceberg, the iceberg wins. You actually want to be an iceberg. You want 80% of your life to be hidden, not to be public, not to be visible. ”

— Andy Crouch

It’s well worth a listen, and not just because I get a mention :)

'We are in an attention crisis': interview on ABC Radio Hobart

Photo by Tom Schoon

Today I was invited on to ABC Radio Hobart to speak with Leon Compton about quitting social media and how it’s going, 18 months later and counting!

Elon Musk couldn’t have timed his “rebrand” of Twitter better if he’d tried. I was horrified (though unsurprised) at the idea of him “cutting the Twitter logo off the building with blowtorches” (first of all, you don’t cut with a blowtorch, you… burn!). Honestly, could the man be any more of a cartoon villain? Every time there is yet another drama at Musk HQ or the Zuckerverse, I feel like I had a lucky escape.

It’s always fun to visit the ABC and I really enjoyed talking to Leon. We talked a lot about the impact of my decision to quit social media on my writing and creativity, which was great fun! Faithful readers, it won’t be anything you haven’t heard me say before but if you’re curious, check out the recording!

I’ve also written several blog posts, and an article that was published in The Guardian in May 2023, about the journey I’ve had quitting social media:

• How it started as an experiment

• How it was going, four months in

• Six months off social media

• “In the year since I quit social media, my screen time has fallen, my mood is up - even my resting heart rate is lower - my Guardian article

• 15 months later, and the response to my Guardian article

my thoughts on quitting social media in THE GUARDIAN!

A few months ago, I started writing a blog post about my decision to step away from my personal social media accounts, the many drastic changes I had noticed in myself and how I was feeling about the decision, over a year later.

Reflecting on everything I’d learned over the year, I was particularly taken by many ideas put forward in Johann Hari’s Stolen Focus which I read towards the end of 2022. Stolen Focus showed me social media is not the only problem contributing to the attention crisis. One of the key messages of Hari’s whole thesis could be summed up by this paragraph:

…the truth is more complicated. The arrival of the smartphone would always have increased to some degree the number of distractions in life, to be sure, but a great deal of the damage to our attention spans is being caused by something more subtle. It’s not the smartphone in and of itself; it is the way the apps on the smartphone and the sites on our laptops are designed. (p.123)

Social media is addictive, because they have designed it to be. So, essentially, what I’d broken was an addiction. And when you resist any kind of addiction, you are up against a powerful force.

This is something I also hadn’t appreciated until I read Johann Hari’s book, which demonstrates that both governments and tech giants have left the responsibility for solving this crisis firmly with the individual. Why should they impose safeguards or make platforms less addictive - the individual should take responsibility for how often they’re on their phone, limit their use, just delete the apps, etc. The truth is it’s really not that simple for most people, hence why this needs a collective, systemic solution rather than telling people they just need to be more disciplined and take control of their lives. It’s like beating any other addiction - you need support, accountability and proof that it is possible. Therefore, Hari suggests, people like me who have managed to successfully step away probably need to be the strongest voice for change.

So after I wrote my blog post, and was about to hit publish, I thought…I’m sure I’m not the only person who feels this way. Why not reach a bit higher? (that’s also been a noticeable change since I stepped away from social media - aiming higher and having the courage to put my hat in the ring!)

So I pitched the idea to Guardian Australia, who said yes, and the Thursday before last, it went live!

The response has been really fantastic. I am so thrilled that people have engaged with the spirit of my experiment and even been inspired to try it themselves! I have had some really lovely messages from people all over the world who have generously shared their experiences and opinions with me. It’s been so deeply comforting to know that it's not just me who found the rage and anxiety of social media untenable.

I have felt more seen and heard with the publication of this article than with anything I ever posted on social media! It is very clear to me where my energy is best spent now.

Honestly, quitting social media is one of the best things I’ve ever done. I wasn’t getting the value out of it that I might once have, all it was doing was making me feel anxious, stressed and unworthy. Without it, I have a lightness of spirit that I possibly haven’t felt since I was a child. I have felt freer, more confident, more connected, less influenced and less alone.

I really hope that more and more people realise that we do have a choice and maybe if we vote with our feet (or our delete button), the tech giants will be forced to make some changes. I feel relieved and grateful that I've been able to step out of it and gain some sense of balance and perspective.

While there have been a few downsides, which have been tricky to negotiate at times, I have loved this experiment. It has felt, and continues to feel, exciting and authentic and even a little bit rebellious to have opted out, to not be following the crowd. I have really loved blogging again too and intend to continue as I have been.

If what I’ve shared here doesn’t resonate with you, that’s absolutely fine. I realise that there are people out there who are brilliant at social media and at managing their emotions around it - it doesn’t have the same mental impact on them as it has on me and many others. That’s great! Humans are complicated beings and we are allowed to be different and inconsistent, stronger in some things than in others. Perhaps, like Leonie Dawson, I may return one day. After all, nothing is ever set in stone and our needs and values evolve over time.

The past year away from social media has taught me a lot. I feel stronger for all the lessons learned. I feel enlightened and more curious about the world. And I am committed to doing whatever feels most right for me in the current moment. My only job, as Elizabeth Gilbert once sagely advised me, is to serve my creativity. And right now, my creativity is best served by keeping on doing what I’m doing!

I look forward to continuing to sharing this journey with you, wherever it takes me. Let me know what you think of the article!

"But you can’t make people listen. They have to come round in their own time, wondering what happened and why the world blew up under them." - Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

Please note: this blog post has affiliate links with retailers such as Booktopia which means I may receive a commission for a sale that I refer, at no extra cost to you.

catching up

Dear friends, how have you been? It feels like ages since I last wrote a post - last week was simply too much of a whirlwind to even contemplate it. And now, it’s Friday yet again, and it will be November before we know it.

The last fortnight has held a lot of work, a lot of running around, a lot of a-ha moments, and a lot of signs that I have probably been working too hard and need to take it easy. Therapy has shown me that busy-ness and work, much as I enjoy it, is also how I distract myself and keep at bay things I might not want to talk about or am not ready to process yet. It’s been that kind of year, and I’m sure it will continue that way until it’s out. Such is the way of things, I’ve learned.

As always I find my anchoring in writing, in music, in reading, in meditation, in nature and in the company of the people I love most. How deeply grateful I am to have all those things.

The main event is that we had a joyful celebration of Tom’s birthday, which was quite a change from his last two birthdays - in 2020 we could only have a limited number of people to the house, and last year we were completely locked down (an introvert’s dream birthday, you could say). So that’s leading on nicely to…

Favourite experience/s of the week

A quiet but fun-filled day celebrating Tom, where we did all his favourite things and had lovely visits and Facetimes with family and friends. We shared a cake with our niece and nephew who are heart-burstingly adorable. And we had a wonderful trip to Gold Class where we saw a great film, had champagne brought to us, and felt very spoiled indeed. You only turn 42 once, after all, and I’m glad my darling Tommy got to do it in style.

I also attended my friend Holly’s book event in Hobart - despite getting caught in a biblical downpour on the way there and therefore looking like I’d been for a swim in my clothes when I arrived, it was a wonderful, memorable and inspiring evening as expected!

Reading

I finished Lucy Caldwell’s excellent short story collection Intimacies - about young women trying to find their place in the world, navigating emigration, motherhood, nostalgia, loss, temptation. I really enjoyed it. It also inspired me to trawl through my hard drives and find short stories I wrote during my London years that I never quite finished, on very similar themes. I discovered Lucy Caldwell quite by accident and I’m so glad I did! She’s a great writer, deserving of as much praise as Sally Rooney, in my opinion.

I’m dipping in and out of Break the Internet by Olivia Yallop which is basically a deep dive into the world of influencers and the industry that has built up around them, particularly over the last seven or so years. I’m finding it both infuriating and fascinating! The internet, and the world, was a very different place when I started blogging in 2005. Back then it was hard to imagine anyone wanting to watch a video of someone unboxing something, let alone that you might get famous, amass millions of followers and a veritable fortune for doing so. Some children I used to babysit (who are now, naturally, in their twenties!) have done just that, which boggles my mind. It’s an interesting experience to read this book as someone who didn’t exactly have a non-existent online profile themselves back in the day, and to be torn between feeling like I dodged a bullet or missed the boat. On balance I think it was the former. Either way it’s a great read and showcases what a disturbing landscape has been created in terms of why and how people get famous these days. A perfect companion/antidote would be So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed by Jon Ronson, an excellent book I read a few years ago, which hammers home the very dark side of “going viral”.

Rereading Natalie Goldberg’s The True Secret of Writing - I started reading The Body Keeps the Score but found that a bit heavy for bedtime reading, so switched to something that would get me in my happy place! Natalie’s words always make me want to write. I should also reread Dani Shapiro’s Still Writing, one of my favourite books on the creative life.

I also finished reading a wonderful biography of Gwen Harwood and writing a review of it, which I’ll hopefully be able to share in a few weeks.

Creative Boom: Beat the industry’s seven deadly sins with these brilliant books - I want to read all of these!

Catapult: Trying to escape the trap of digital productivity by Richa Kaul Padte - oh boy, how I related to this! My own stepping away from social media at the start of the year was a spontaneous decision but in the nearly 10 months that have elapsed since then, I can see it was something that had been brewing in my subconscious for a very long time. Padte makes some really interesting points about social media turning your life into a performance even when you are consciously trying to subvert that idea:

Even when I am not posting a picture, when I have ideologically committed to not posting it, I am still producing it in my mind’s eye. This compulsive documentation of my surroundings isn’t for personal use; instead, it is vertically shot and artfully arranged for a grid I can’t seem to escape. It’s what the environmentalist Vandana Shiva terms elsewhere a “colonization of the mind,” which feels, in the digital era, inextricably linked with the logic of productivity.

To be honest, I can’t believe it’s been nearly a year. I deactivated Facebook quite some time before this year’s complete exodus, so it’s been even longer since I was on there in many meaningful way. It has profoundly changed my life and outlook. I have so much to say about it and I’ll do another update for you all soon. Thank you Richa Kaul Padte for throwing a log on my internal fire!

I finished Jarvis Cocker’s Good Pop Bad Pop which was as wonderful as I had anticipated. I wonder about doing a project of my own along similar lines - I have boxes and boxes of detritus from my childhood and early adulthood that my parents stored for me while I lived in the UK, and now naturally boxes of ephemera from my life in the UK too. Jarvis ponders in his book, as he is faced with an unwieldy pile of mess in his loft - why do we save things? Why do we collect things? What do these random piles of stuff we amass in the course of our lives and keep hidden away say about us and what we value? What sort of story do they tell about us and our lives? These are fascinating questions and I very much enjoyed Jarvis’s attempts to answer them.

And finally, I am listening to Toni Morrison’s Beloved on audiobook, read by the author herself, as I finish an embroidery project. It’s blowing my mind. Our Hidden Nerve session on Thursday (I can’t quite believe we only have one more to go) featured a few passages from it as an illustration of the presenter’s point about use of metaphor, how to create sensuousness in your writing without being obvious, and also how to write about anger. It was a really big penny-drop moment for me and I think it deserves a post all of its own, so stay tuned for that.

Listening to

On my morning runs, I’ve been doing something different and listening to affirmations over house music. Elroy Spoonface Powell (Chakra Blue) is my favourite. It’s a great change, and particularly good on days I feel a bit slow and lethargic. Running is a great mood lifter anyway but with these affirmations in my AirPods, it’s a complete endorphin-filled experience! Highly recommended. You can listen to Chakra Blue on Tidal (as I do) or Spotify.

Happy Place: The Craig David episode was brilliant. If you’re a recovering people pleaser, this will resonate.

Chill and Prosper with Denise Duffield-Thomas: I don’t know how this landed in my feed but I’m glad I discovered it. I listened to the episode where Denise talks about how to fix undercharging and overdelivering in business and I had quite a few a-ha moments! Worth a listen for all you freelancers out there!

I have recently made a playlist of favourite classical tracks and have recently rediscovered Brahms’ Serenades which were a favourite of mine as a teenager, which I played non-stop (but quietly) when I sat up late writing by candlelight like Jo March in Little Women. I love how music instantly transports you back to the time you associate with it, I could practically see my school bag in the corner.

Eating

I made Deliciously Ella’s spiced cauliflower and cashew pilaf traybake again (pictured) which was even nicer than the first time - probably because I added some chilli powder, haha! It’s a really easy and delicious meal, I thoroughly recommend trying it out.

An Italian-flavoured two lentil soup which I made a vat of - took a container round to my sister who has a newborn and an almost-three-year-old, and then we enjoyed the rest both as a soup with bread and then as a pasta sauce the next day when it had thickened overnight. Love a meal that does double duty!

Vegan chocolate cake for Tom’s birthday - which our niece pronounced “delicious”! - and vegan banana bread, just for something extra!

I made a rather divine creamy broccoli pasta with capers and aged cashew cheese, which we both loved. I think there was a sweet potato mac and cheese in there too.

Now I’m trying to meal plan for the next week and this is what I have in mind:

• Quinoa pad thai (a Rachel Ama recipe, from her second and latest book)

• Fennel and butter bean stew

• Veggie burgers

• Some sort of curry, most likely an Indian flavoured one because I bought a rather addictive mango pickle from Namaste Spices in Moonah and am glad of any excuse to eat it

• Chickpea and sausage casserole

• Most likely a pasta as well, which Tom has said on many occasions he could happily eat every day!

That’s all I’ve got so far! What’s on your meal plan?

Watching

Tom and I went to see Amsterdam for his birthday outing and we LOVED it. Never, ever believe the online reviews. I’m glad we didn’t! It’s quite something when a film set nearly 90 years ago manages to say a great deal about the present day.

Amsterdam is a complex murder mystery that unfolds alongside a poignant tale of love and friendship between three people who met and bonded on the battlefields of the First World War. Despite the horrors they witnessed and endured at the Front, Burt (Christian Bale), Harold (John David Washington) and Valerie (Margot Robbie) spend a happy period of living it up in post-war Amsterdam, and all return to America feeling hopeful and optimistic about the future. Nearly 15 years later, the three are drawn back together when their old army colonel dies suddenly. His daughter (Taylor Swift) believes he has been murdered and asks Burt and Harold, who have stayed in touch all this time and are still best friends, to investigate on the quiet. Unfortunately, the daughter’s hunch is correct and she too is bumped off before Burt and Harold can confirm her suspicions. There is then an extensive flashback to their time in the army and in Amsterdam, which give the viewer many clues as to how they’ve ended up in this situation. Back in 1930s New York, they find themselves unexpectedly reunited with Valerie and the three join forces once again to unearth the culprit and to also expose some dangerous right-wing underground activities that are brewing, some of which involve a few people they know.

Written and directed by David O.Russell, Amsterdam is a very clever and well-produced film full of dark humour but with also some very serious messages about the world we live in today: the prejudices that are still alive and well; how needless suffering is allowed to happen; how tolerance of dangerous rhetoric can have terrible consequences (the theme of turning a blind eye was brilliantly symbolised with the use of eyes in Valerie’s artwork and in Burt’s glass eye); the futility of war and greed; and that choosing love over hate is vital but not enough on its own. We also have to fight to protect kindness, which is usually the first casualty of power being pursued at all costs. “I’m very happy to be unimportant and live in a place that has love and beauty,” muses Valerie. “Art and love, that’s what makes life worth living.”

I have spent much of the last six years despairing over the state of politics in the Western world, as I imagine many of you have too. Living in the UK as Brexit rumbled and the Tories stripped the country’s integrity away piece by piece; sharing my American friends’ horror, grief and fear as Trump was voted in; too numb to cry as I watched the Australian election results in 2019 and we learned Morrison was staying where he was for the foreseeable. In each situation, I always wondered HOW?! How has this been allowed to happen?! I am no political scientist but I am a historian. And the great lesson of history is that people and nations rarely learn from it. Watching this film, two years on from the ousting of Trump, was a curious thing. I have listened to many podcasts and read many articles about the situation and conditions that were created in America that allowed him to rise to power in the first place, but it never crystallised more for me than in the watching of Amsterdam. All the clues are there, if you want to see them. It’s not about the 1930s, or the aftermath of the First World War. It’s about the world we have lived in for the past few decades, and where it all came from.

Honestly, I cannot recommend it enough. As does the birthday boy, who said “if they were releasing it on 4K Blu-Ray tomorrow, we’d be watching again tomorrow. I can’t wait to see it again!”

Wearing

I haven’t worn them yet but I finally bit the bullet and bought myself two pairs of new running tights, as the ones I bought in 2019 are starting to get holes in them! In fact most of my running gear is very old - I still have the Sweaty Betty capris I ran the London Marathon in (which also have holes, so I use those for gardening), Lorna Jane gear I’ve had since 2013, yoga pants I bought in Canada in 2007 (!), the list goes on. It’s all lasted pretty well considering how I practically live in workout gear. My friend Anita recommended Australian brand Abi + Joseph to me ages ago and this week they had a 70% off sale, so I was out of excuses! I’m excited to run in tights that have a pocket for my phone, instead of using my spi-belt that has never sat on my hips properly or wearing a jacket with zipped pockets, which just gets too hot this time of year. Will report back.

Quote of the week

Holly quoted this short poem by Mary Oliver at her event last Friday evening, and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. I think it sums up the human experience in general!

“We shake with joy, we shake with grief. What a time they have, these two housed as they are in the same body.” - Mary Oliver

If you’d like to share your thoughts on this post, or anything else, with me, please do! Have a happy and safe weekend xx

quitting social media: six months later

Mental health vector created by freepik

Not sure what I’m on about? Read this post and this one.

So, as you know, at the start of January 2022, I decided to have a hiatus from social media. It has now been SIX MONTHS.

I truly don't miss it. I’ve only missed it when my FOMO is triggered, which to my great surprise is not as often as I was expecting. I think, if anything, social media was the biggest source of FOMO for me. I was constantly thinking about what I should be doing, with the lives and achievements of people I admired constantly on display. Not that that wasn’t motivating, of course, but it also made me feel very inadequate at times.

There are some great aspects to social media, don’t get me wrong. And there have certainly been some downsides to going cold turkey and disappearing. But, overall, trying to find joy, calm, peace and purpose in my life is so much easier without it.

I think what has really excited me about the whole experiment is how much of my time and energy has been restored. Since being off socials, I feel I have made some substantial progress with my PhD (not so much in word count but in terms of grappling with the ideas - which suggests I've had more capacity to think deeply and in a more focused way, interesting!), I've written and submitted a short story to a journal I've always wanted to write for, I've redesigned two websites, and my husband and I have launched a business! All things I'd wanted to do for ages but believed I needed more time for. Turns out I had the time, I just had to be smarter about how I was spending it.

I have my brain back, and my life back! That’s enough for me to continue on with the experiment indefinitely.

• VIDEO TRANSCRIPT

  Hi everyone. I just wanted to do a little video update for you all because last Sunday it was six months since I last used social media. Well, certainly the two channels I was most active on - Instagram and Twitter. I have not looked at either of those platforms for six months, which feels like something of an achievement in this day and age!

  I've had a lot of interest recently - a lot of people writing to me, saying that they have found my blog by Googling “how to quit social media” which is incredibly flattering. And also shows that my SEO is working! So I wanted to give you a little update to let you know how I was getting on and the changes that I've observed in myself in this time.

  I feel like I have my life back, if that makes sense. I know that might sound overdramatic, but I feel like my life is my own again and let me explain why. All of a sudden, I'm just living my life for me. I'm not taking endless photographs of everything in the hope that I can have a good one to put on social media later. I'm not trying to come up with quick, zingy thoughts that I can distil into two sentences and put on Twitter. I'm not following every public debate and discourse and trying to formulate an opinion as quickly as I can, or feeling like I even have to form an opinion on anything. All of a sudden, my life is just mine again and I'm not worried about what my life looks like to other people anymore. Even though I would have violently protested when I was using these platforms that that was a concern of mine, I think it was, subconsciously, because that's basically what you're doing with social media isn't it? You're saying to people “this is my life, this is what I get up to. What do you think?”

  I know it sounds weird, but I almost feel like my brain is different as well! I noticed this the other day when I was doing some work for my PhD. Even though this isn't necessarily reflected in the amount of words I have written this year, but I feel like my ability to think more clearly and deeply has been restored, as crazy as that sounds. I feel like I've really started grappling with what my thesis is actually about and I feel like I've been able to articulate and dive deeper and really grapple with the ideas. It could be just a coincidence. It could just be that this is the stage in candidature that I'm at, but I can't help but notice the coincidence that all of a sudden my ability to focus and think deeply and clearly is certainly sharper and stronger than it was six months ago. That is unquestionable.

  To be transparent with you, it's had its downsides as well, because I don't see what all my friends are up to anymore. I'm not as up to date with what's going on with them. Some friends have happily transferred over to text, and we keep in touch that way, and others haven't so it just takes a little bit more prodding. So, that's been interesting but OK because I realise I'm the outlier here. Like I say, it's certainly had some downsides because I don't find out things in real time anymore. I'm told about them later, well after they've occurred! Like I say, I'm not saying that there haven't been some downsides because they have but the positives have far outweighed any cons for me so I'm certainly going to stay off for the foreseeable future.

  I'm really enjoying writing on my blog again. I'm really enjoying hearing from readers and having real conversations with people - lots of very, very interesting ideas and questions and it's still very much an experiment. I'm not saying that I'll never go back on. I probably will at some point, just out of sheer curiosity! But it's almost now a bit like “how long can I stay away? Could I make it to a year without going on social media?!” Let's see. This is still an experiment. I'm very curious and very open to seeing how everything transpires but…I'm enjoying life without it. So I'll keep going but I'll keep sharing what I'm up to on here and I'm really grateful to everyone who's cottoned on that this is where I'm at and is joining the party. It's great to have you here and I will share another update soon. Take care of yourselves, bye for now!

Would you like to share your thoughts on this post with me? Please do - I’d love to hear from you!