Dear friends, how have you been? It feels like ages since I last wrote a post - last week was simply too much of a whirlwind to even contemplate it. And now, it’s Friday yet again, and it will be November before we know it.
The last fortnight has held a lot of work, a lot of running around, a lot of a-ha moments, and a lot of signs that I have probably been working too hard and need to take it easy. Therapy has shown me that busy-ness and work, much as I enjoy it, is also how I distract myself and keep at bay things I might not want to talk about or am not ready to process yet. It’s been that kind of year, and I’m sure it will continue that way until it’s out. Such is the way of things, I’ve learned.
As always I find my anchoring in writing, in music, in reading, in meditation, in nature and in the company of the people I love most. How deeply grateful I am to have all those things.
The main event is that we had a joyful celebration of Tom’s birthday, which was quite a change from his last two birthdays - in 2020 we could only have a limited number of people to the house, and last year we were completely locked down (an introvert’s dream birthday, you could say). So that’s leading on nicely to…
Favourite experience/s of the week
A quiet but fun-filled day celebrating Tom, where we did all his favourite things and had lovely visits and Facetimes with family and friends. We shared a cake with our niece and nephew who are heart-burstingly adorable. And we had a wonderful trip to Gold Class where we saw a great film, had champagne brought to us, and felt very spoiled indeed. You only turn 42 once, after all, and I’m glad my darling Tommy got to do it in style.
I also attended my friend Holly’s book event in Hobart - despite getting caught in a biblical downpour on the way there and therefore looking like I’d been for a swim in my clothes when I arrived, it was a wonderful, memorable and inspiring evening as expected!
Reading
I finished Lucy Caldwell’s excellent short story collection Intimacies - about young women trying to find their place in the world, navigating emigration, motherhood, nostalgia, loss, temptation. I really enjoyed it. It also inspired me to trawl through my hard drives and find short stories I wrote during my London years that I never quite finished, on very similar themes. I discovered Lucy Caldwell quite by accident and I’m so glad I did! She’s a great writer, deserving of as much praise as Sally Rooney, in my opinion.
I’m dipping in and out of Break the Internet by Olivia Yallop which is basically a deep dive into the world of influencers and the industry that has built up around them, particularly over the last seven or so years. I’m finding it both infuriating and fascinating! The internet, and the world, was a very different place when I started blogging in 2005. Back then it was hard to imagine anyone wanting to watch a video of someone unboxing something, let alone that you might get famous, amass millions of followers and a veritable fortune for doing so. Some children I used to babysit (who are now, naturally, in their twenties!) have done just that, which boggles my mind. It’s an interesting experience to read this book as someone who didn’t exactly have a non-existent online profile themselves back in the day, and to be torn between feeling like I dodged a bullet or missed the boat. On balance I think it was the former. Either way it’s a great read and showcases what a disturbing landscape has been created in terms of why and how people get famous these days. A perfect companion/antidote would be So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed by Jon Ronson, an excellent book I read a few years ago, which hammers home the very dark side of “going viral”.
Rereading Natalie Goldberg’s The True Secret of Writing - I started reading The Body Keeps the Score but found that a bit heavy for bedtime reading, so switched to something that would get me in my happy place! Natalie’s words always make me want to write. I should also reread Dani Shapiro’s Still Writing, one of my favourite books on the creative life.
I also finished reading a wonderful biography of Gwen Harwood and writing a review of it, which I’ll hopefully be able to share in a few weeks.
Creative Boom: Beat the industry’s seven deadly sins with these brilliant books - I want to read all of these!
Catapult: Trying to escape the trap of digital productivity by Richa Kaul Padte - oh boy, how I related to this! My own stepping away from social media at the start of the year was a spontaneous decision but in the nearly 10 months that have elapsed since then, I can see it was something that had been brewing in my subconscious for a very long time. Padte makes some really interesting points about social media turning your life into a performance even when you are consciously trying to subvert that idea:
Even when I am not posting a picture, when I have ideologically committed to not posting it, I am still producing it in my mind’s eye. This compulsive documentation of my surroundings isn’t for personal use; instead, it is vertically shot and artfully arranged for a grid I can’t seem to escape. It’s what the environmentalist Vandana Shiva terms elsewhere a “colonization of the mind,” which feels, in the digital era, inextricably linked with the logic of productivity.
To be honest, I can’t believe it’s been nearly a year. I deactivated Facebook quite some time before this year’s complete exodus, so it’s been even longer since I was on there in many meaningful way. It has profoundly changed my life and outlook. I have so much to say about it and I’ll do another update for you all soon. Thank you Richa Kaul Padte for throwing a log on my internal fire!
I finished Jarvis Cocker’s Good Pop Bad Pop which was as wonderful as I had anticipated. I wonder about doing a project of my own along similar lines - I have boxes and boxes of detritus from my childhood and early adulthood that my parents stored for me while I lived in the UK, and now naturally boxes of ephemera from my life in the UK too. Jarvis ponders in his book, as he is faced with an unwieldy pile of mess in his loft - why do we save things? Why do we collect things? What do these random piles of stuff we amass in the course of our lives and keep hidden away say about us and what we value? What sort of story do they tell about us and our lives? These are fascinating questions and I very much enjoyed Jarvis’s attempts to answer them.
And finally, I am listening to Toni Morrison’s Beloved on audiobook, read by the author herself, as I finish an embroidery project. It’s blowing my mind. Our Hidden Nerve session on Thursday (I can’t quite believe we only have one more to go) featured a few passages from it as an illustration of the presenter’s point about use of metaphor, how to create sensuousness in your writing without being obvious, and also how to write about anger. It was a really big penny-drop moment for me and I think it deserves a post all of its own, so stay tuned for that.
Listening to
On my morning runs, I’ve been doing something different and listening to affirmations over house music. Elroy Spoonface Powell (Chakra Blue) is my favourite. It’s a great change, and particularly good on days I feel a bit slow and lethargic. Running is a great mood lifter anyway but with these affirmations in my AirPods, it’s a complete endorphin-filled experience! Highly recommended. You can listen to Chakra Blue on Tidal (as I do) or Spotify.
Happy Place: The Craig David episode was brilliant. If you’re a recovering people pleaser, this will resonate.
Chill and Prosper with Denise Duffield-Thomas: I don’t know how this landed in my feed but I’m glad I discovered it. I listened to the episode where Denise talks about how to fix undercharging and overdelivering in business and I had quite a few a-ha moments! Worth a listen for all you freelancers out there!
I have recently made a playlist of favourite classical tracks and have recently rediscovered Brahms’ Serenades which were a favourite of mine as a teenager, which I played non-stop (but quietly) when I sat up late writing by candlelight like Jo March in Little Women. I love how music instantly transports you back to the time you associate with it, I could practically see my school bag in the corner.
Eating
I made Deliciously Ella’s spiced cauliflower and cashew pilaf traybake again (pictured) which was even nicer than the first time - probably because I added some chilli powder, haha! It’s a really easy and delicious meal, I thoroughly recommend trying it out.
An Italian-flavoured two lentil soup which I made a vat of - took a container round to my sister who has a newborn and an almost-three-year-old, and then we enjoyed the rest both as a soup with bread and then as a pasta sauce the next day when it had thickened overnight. Love a meal that does double duty!
Vegan chocolate cake for Tom’s birthday - which our niece pronounced “delicious”! - and vegan banana bread, just for something extra!
I made a rather divine creamy broccoli pasta with capers and aged cashew cheese, which we both loved. I think there was a sweet potato mac and cheese in there too.
Now I’m trying to meal plan for the next week and this is what I have in mind:
Quinoa pad thai (a Rachel Ama recipe, from her second and latest book)
Some sort of curry, most likely an Indian flavoured one because I bought a rather addictive mango pickle from Namaste Spices in Moonah and am glad of any excuse to eat it
Most likely a pasta as well, which Tom has said on many occasions he could happily eat every day!
That’s all I’ve got so far! What’s on your meal plan?
Watching
Tom and I went to see Amsterdam for his birthday outing and we LOVED it. Never, ever believe the online reviews. I’m glad we didn’t! It’s quite something when a film set nearly 90 years ago manages to say a great deal about the present day.
Amsterdam is a complex murder mystery that unfolds alongside a poignant tale of love and friendship between three people who met and bonded on the battlefields of the First World War. Despite the horrors they witnessed and endured at the Front, Burt (Christian Bale), Harold (John David Washington) and Valerie (Margot Robbie) spend a happy period of living it up in post-war Amsterdam, and all return to America feeling hopeful and optimistic about the future. Nearly 15 years later, the three are drawn back together when their old army colonel dies suddenly. His daughter (Taylor Swift) believes he has been murdered and asks Burt and Harold, who have stayed in touch all this time and are still best friends, to investigate on the quiet. Unfortunately, the daughter’s hunch is correct and she too is bumped off before Burt and Harold can confirm her suspicions. There is then an extensive flashback to their time in the army and in Amsterdam, which give the viewer many clues as to how they’ve ended up in this situation. Back in 1930s New York, they find themselves unexpectedly reunited with Valerie and the three join forces once again to unearth the culprit and to also expose some dangerous right-wing underground activities that are brewing, some of which involve a few people they know.
Written and directed by David O.Russell, Amsterdam is a very clever and well-produced film full of dark humour but with also some very serious messages about the world we live in today: the prejudices that are still alive and well; how needless suffering is allowed to happen; how tolerance of dangerous rhetoric can have terrible consequences (the theme of turning a blind eye was brilliantly symbolised with the use of eyes in Valerie’s artwork and in Burt’s glass eye); the futility of war and greed; and that choosing love over hate is vital but not enough on its own. We also have to fight to protect kindness, which is usually the first casualty of power being pursued at all costs. “I’m very happy to be unimportant and live in a place that has love and beauty,” muses Valerie. “Art and love, that’s what makes life worth living.”
I have spent much of the last six years despairing over the state of politics in the Western world, as I imagine many of you have too. Living in the UK as Brexit rumbled and the Tories stripped the country’s integrity away piece by piece; sharing my American friends’ horror, grief and fear as Trump was voted in; too numb to cry as I watched the Australian election results in 2019 and we learned Morrison was staying where he was for the foreseeable. In each situation, I always wondered HOW?! How has this been allowed to happen?! I am no political scientist but I am a historian. And the great lesson of history is that people and nations rarely learn from it. Watching this film, two years on from the ousting of Trump, was a curious thing. I have listened to many podcasts and read many articles about the situation and conditions that were created in America that allowed him to rise to power in the first place, but it never crystallised more for me than in the watching of Amsterdam. All the clues are there, if you want to see them. It’s not about the 1930s, or the aftermath of the First World War. It’s about the world we have lived in for the past few decades, and where it all came from.
Honestly, I cannot recommend it enough. As does the birthday boy, who said “if they were releasing it on 4K Blu-Ray tomorrow, we’d be watching again tomorrow. I can’t wait to see it again!”
Wearing
I haven’t worn them yet but I finally bit the bullet and bought myself two pairs of new running tights, as the ones I bought in 2019 are starting to get holes in them! In fact most of my running gear is very old - I still have the Sweaty Betty capris I ran the London Marathon in (which also have holes, so I use those for gardening), Lorna Jane gear I’ve had since 2013, yoga pants I bought in Canada in 2007 (!), the list goes on. It’s all lasted pretty well considering how I practically live in workout gear. My friend Anita recommended Australian brand Abi + Joseph to me ages ago and this week they had a 70% off sale, so I was out of excuses! I’m excited to run in tights that have a pocket for my phone, instead of using my spi-belt that has never sat on my hips properly or wearing a jacket with zipped pockets, which just gets too hot this time of year. Will report back.
Quote of the week
Holly quoted this short poem by Mary Oliver at her event last Friday evening, and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. I think it sums up the human experience in general!
“We shake with joy, we shake with grief. What a time they have, these two housed as they are in the same body.” - Mary Oliver
If you’d like to share your thoughts on this post, or anything else, with me, please do! Have a happy and safe weekend xx