this week, and the ones before

Hello friends! This will be quite the catch-up post, as last week’s was, so do get a cup of tea and make yourself comfortable.

I can’t believe it’s December and in a matter of weeks, another year will be over. I don’t think I’m alone in eagerly anticipating the fresh start that the first of January promises (but admittedly doesn’t always deliver) as this year has been harder than most. I am ending it a different person than I was at its beginning. I think I’m tougher, wiser, more resilient, and less afraid and naive. Those are very good things and I’m grateful for the hard-won lessons, but I’m still looking forward to seeing 2022 in the rearview mirror nonetheless!

This post is going to be a mash-up of the highlights of the past few weeks since we returned from Melbourne, and then on Friday we’ll be back to regularly scheduled programming….she says hopefully.

Favourite experience/s

Probably this amazing news, sharing it and celebrating it with some delicious Bream Creek vintage sparkling wine, as pictured above! This year I’ve really tried to push myself with my writing, put myself out there and really back myself. This has been incredibly hard to do at times, in the face of everything that Tom and I have had to deal with this year. But I also did not want another year lost to imposter syndrome, where I believed my critics (both inner and outer) over the quiet but fierce inner wisdom, encouragement and truth in my own heart. Perhaps I needed reminding that I’m on the right path. To have achieved this incredible feat, and several others, in spite of everything has been so wonderful, so needed and so encouraging.

I’ve also enjoyed hanging out with my nieces and nephews - one I took to a kids session at Frida’s Sip and Paint where we painted this Eastern Rosella together:

And I also enjoyed getting a much-needed haircut!

Reading

To be honest, I’ve been writing more than I’ve been reading - which is probably a good thing. I had a fantastic workshop with my fellow Creative Writing PhDs last Friday, so spent some time reading their work and prepping for that.

I’ve been rereading an old favourite, Tina Fey’s Bossypants, which is still great fun and I enjoyed noticing its subtle influence on The Latte Years, as I originally read it around the same time. It was such an inspiration for me in how to write about the harder, darker things with humour. I’m enjoying revisiting it, especially as we’re now rewatching 30 Rock, probably the greatest TV show ever made.

For our last Hidden Nerve session, Nigel read us a poem by Claire G. Coleman, “Forever, Flag”, which I saved to read again later - it’s quite astonishing and powerful.

Sophie Cunningham was another Hidden Nerve presenter and I borrowed her book Melbourne from the library as I’m very interested in the work she’s done in the psychogeographic space. Loving it so far!

I’m nearly finished with Olivia Yallop’s Break the Internet, which I’ve enjoyed more and more the deeper I’ve got into it, and am now into Johann Hari’s Stolen Focus, recommended to me by many readers and friends. I’m coming up to almost a year since I spontaneously decided to step away from social media. I’m now managing an Instagram account for a client, so I’m just using theirs, not my personal one which I haven’t even glanced at. But it was interesting to observe in myself the familiar itch that resurfaced almost immediately - the itch to check, scroll, see. It is very helpful to just be using it for work and have a hard boundary. Johann Hari’s book is making the excellent point that the problem with attention, focus and our ability to think deeply goes beyond social media and into the Internet itself and all its trappings - email, smartphones, screens.

I will write more in depth about this in due course but having been off social media (with my personal accounts at least) for nearly a year now, I can say with absolute certainty that it’s done something to my brain. I have my brain back, perhaps. I am a more productive (dare I say a better?) writer without it. I have achieved more and feel more balanced without it. I have observed that I still seek (and desire) external validation at times and feel a bit sad/deprived when I don’t get it, but it is so much easier to spot when I’m in that frame of mind now, rather than it simply being my default position because I felt constantly in a state of comparison with others. It’s been a very, very interesting experiment.

Listening to

I discovered the Stella Anning Trio while we were in Melbourne - I love gentle jazz and their album Stat is a wonderful moody soundtrack when sipping your herbal tea (or something stronger) in the hour or so before bed.

How to Fail: Rob Delaney on the death of his beloved son Henry - listen to this if you need a good cry but also to marvel at how bloody resilient people can be in the face of the unthinkable.

Best Friend Therapy: is back for another season, so every Monday when I walk to or from uni I have a new episode, hooray! This week’s episode on how to work with friends was very relevant and gave me a lot to think about.

The First Time: Masters Series with Heather Rose - her new book is on my Christmas Wishlist!

Writes 4 Women: Writing the Second Novel with Holly Ringland - yay Holly! Loved this candid and inspiring interview with a wonderful writer who happens to be a friend too.

Mummafication: Another interview with a good friend of mine, this time parent educator Katie Parker which had me grinning with pride as I listened. Relevant even if you’re not a parent, FYI.

Happy Place: Dawn O’Porter and Tim Minchin - enjoyed both but I especially liked Tim’s, as he really delved into the harder parts of the creative life, and convincing yourself that you are worthy even when you aren’t getting attention. He is so unapologetically himself but it has taken quite a while to get to such a comfortable place. Worth a listen!

You and Me Both with Hilary Clinton: Hilary interviews Hannah Gadsby - loved it. I especially enjoyed hearing them talk about Tasmania (Hilary has apparently never been) and nodding furiously along as Hannah described how Tassie used to be and how it’s changed for the better. I am proud that Tasmania now has some of the strongest human rights protection laws in the country, quite a contrast to how things used to be for the queer community. Hannah is always a delight to listen to and the banter with Hilary is just wonderful.

Eating

As usual, there’s quite a bit to catch you up on here - I’ve made and eaten some very delicious things!

When it was very warm a few weeks ago (the promise of summer that promptly vanished within 48 hours and was replaced with a fortnight of rain and 3 degree nights!), I made this incredible Bún Chả Giò Chay (Vietnamese rice noodle bowl with spring rolls) and I want you to try it so much I wrote out the recipe! It’s the perfect dinner on a hot day.

I highly recommend getting the Fix and Fogg Smoke and Fire Peanut Butter for the sauce if you can find it. Not only was it magnificent in the noodles, I have also had some with avocado on toast which was quite sensational. A must for the chilli lovers. If you’re not in Oz or NZ, looks like the folks at Fix and Fogg ship worldwide! (and their recipe section is pretty epic and everything sounds amazing!)

We had a friend round for dinner and I made a new recipe from a favourite cookbook The Green Roasting Tin - the crispy gnocchi with mushrooms, squash and sage (p.68). I didn’t make the basil dressing but instead thinned down a bought vegan pesto with lemon juice and olive oil, which worked just as well. It was so very delicious! I have bought more gnocchi this week with the intention of making it again.

My new favourite bought dip is the signature Tahini Neri - a friend served it to me in Melbourne and I was delighted to find it in my local Hill Street Grocer when I got home (we often don’t get everything the mainland gets!). It’s so unctuous and savoury. Almost better than hummus, but not quite.

Speaking of hummus, I finally made hummus with dried chickpeas rather than tinned. I know, how can I possibly call myself a foodie? Every cookery writer I love and revere has waxed lyrical over the years of the incredible difference it makes using dried chickpeas to make hummus but being lazy and short on time I had never bothered. That will never happen again. I am here to tell you that the rumours are true. DRIED CHICKPEAS FOR THE WIN.

It was the best hummus I have ever had. The Tom of hummus, you could say! 😉

I used the OTK cookbook recipe which had very detailed instructions which included adding ice cubes to the food processor. I used an organic Woolworth’s tahini. It was simply magnificent. I will always make it this way from now on and urge you, if you are hummus lover, to set aside some time and make it with dried chickpeas. It will change your life!

I soaked a whole packet of dried chickpeas because, in addition to hummus, I also made felafel from scratch for the first time that week. I made the spicy felafel recipe in Deliciously Ella’s Quick and Easy. While they were absolutely scrumptious, I am not a fan of frying things in oil - mostly because the house stinks afterwards. They were absolutely worth the effort, almost as good as Pilpel’s in London, but I might try them in the air fryer or oven next time.

By the way, chickpeas start to stink when they’re soaking! I didn’t know this and freaked out, worried that they’d gone off because it was quite hot that week. Don’t panic, apparently it’s normal. I had them at room temperature for the first two days but then put them in the fridge until I was ready to make the recipes. All was well, everything was delicious and both Tom and I are still alive, with perfectly working digestive systems!

We ate in restaurants every day while we were in Melbourne, which was wonderful but it’s definitely more a treat than a regular thing for us. I’m keen to see what delights Hobart has to offer us this summer, as we definitely curtailed our eating out once the borders opened this time last year. A firm favourite so far is The Salty Dog on Kingston Beach, where we had a delicious lunch a few weeks ago. We had tempura cauliflower, enoki mushroom and black rice bowls (and a side of chips), sitting in the sun with cold beers while the salty ocean air drifted towards us on the light breeze. Heavenly!

I don’t make sweet breakfasts very often but we had some leftover porridge from Friday’s breakfast, so that Sunday I made leftover porridge pancakes, which I served with coconut yoghurt, maple syrup and slices of fresh pear. Yum!

My oven runs very hot - I should have taken this out five minutes earlier….still delicious though!

I bought Celebrate: Plant-Based Recipes for Every Occasion while we were in Melbourne, and have already made the summer greens filo pie twice (the benefits of having spinach and silverbeet going wild in the garden). It’s absolutely delicious! The first time I made it as written, the second time I left the broccoli whole and upped the spices a little more. I think it will be a staple for us over the summer now we have so many greens that need using and eating!

Now that it’s warming up, our favourite meal of last summer, the Nacho Average Nachos from Charity Morgan’s amazing book Unbelievably Vegan, is back on the menu. Regular readers will be familiar with these by now! Always amazing.

I helped Dad prune his broad beans and he gave me some - mine are still a month or so away from being ready - which I cooked separately, skinned and then cooked with cavolo nero, lemon zest, garlic, chilli and herbs, which we enjoyed with spaghetti, topped with toasted breadcrumbs.

Finally, I started road-testing some recipes for my Christmas baking and came up with these incredible vegan Oreo brownies. I’ve already published the recipe, that’s how good they are! Seriously, if you love a good brownie, you need these in your life. With a batch or two of these and Nigella’s vegan gingerbread, that’s my festive season sorted!

Picking

The garden was overgrown with greens - rainbow chard, silverbeet, spinach, celery and garlic scapes - when we returned from Melbourne. I’ve now given it a major haircut so the sun might actually reach the poor zucchini seedlings.

I’ve also made a tower out of discarded motorcycle tyres (thanks to a local dealership who let me help myself) to grow potatoes in, and the first green shoots are starting to poke through. I read a book over the winter that suggested growing potatoes this way can yield a harvest of up to 50kg….we shall see!

I also picked the rhubarb (which I have growing in a tub) and I made a yummy crumble from that. The major crop of strawberries are starting to redden and we’ve had to put cages on top of the troughs again to keep the greedy birds away. They get their revenge by throwing dirt out of other pots, ignoring the strawberries I have deliberately left unprotected for them to help themselves to! 😜

I’m not sure how abundant this summer will be, as I didn’t have the most productive spring in the garden, due to illness and constant work! But I am hopeful. Time will tell.

Drinking

Tom, our brother-in-law and my dad have started their own brewing company and their first limited release dropped last week. It’s a really delicious, complex and refreshing pale ale, perfect for a blazing hot afternoon like the ones we’ve enjoyed this weekend! I’m very proud of the three of them for taking something that was just an idea thrown around at a family gathering a year or two ago and making it a reality! Our company designed the labels and logo too.

After we got home from Melbourne, I cleaned out the fridge and found some kombuchas I made in January…2021! I made them with a SCOBY kindly given to me by Sarah (sadly the SCOBY has long since been composted due to my neglect!). The incredible pop when I opened them was quite ferocious, as they’d been sealed and fermenting for the best part of two years. Thinking they would be undrinkable, I poured a little of each into a shot glass, sniffed and sipped - and they’re OK! Quite strong, as you’d expect, but I’ve been enjoying them in a large wine glass where I put a splash of kombucha in the bottom and then top it up with plain sparkling water. Not unlike how you’d prepare a cordial. The elderflower and ginger one has matured particularly well.

Watching

At Tom’s insistence, we watched Monty Python’s Holy Grail and Life of Brian on BluRay, which I hadn’t seen for many years, probably not since I was a teenager (and hadn’t liked them that much). This time I really got the humour - most likely a side effect from being with Tom for 15 years, haha!

We have just completed a watch of the entire series of the US version of The Office which we absolutely loved. I read an interview with Jenna Fischer who said that the fact that the “documentary” wrapped up when Pam was ready to leave Dunder Mifflin, as opposed to any other characters who came and went in the course of the series, was not lost on her. I agree, I think on this rewatch I realised that Pam is very much the central character of the show, rather than Michael Scott, as it very much follows her journey.

We’re now working our way through probably our favourite TV show of all, 30 Rock, which we’ve not watched properly for nearly two years. It’s smart, charming, well-constructed and absolutely hilarious.

Wearing

The weather has been pretty mercurial so I’ve been wearing my denim jacket (which I bought from Sainsbury’s in 2014!) almost every day. It goes well with dresses or my favourite skirts from Kemi Telford. I’ve also been loving my new strap detail cross body bag from Country Road - I was fed up to the back teeth with my giant tote where I can never find anything so treated myself while we were in Melbourne. This is a surprisingly roomy and very stylish little bag which is not a headache to lug around, in fact I barely notice it’s there. I wish I’d downsized ages ago!

Grateful for

My husband and family. Good friends. The weather finally warming up and the colds we’ve had finally being on the run.

Quote of the week

This poem by John O’Donohue was mentioned a few weeks ago in an email newsletter I subscribe to, which sounded familiar. Then I noticed in the “on this day” feature that OneDrive has that I had taken a screenshot of the poem on that same day two or three years ago. A coincidence? Maybe. But the message of the poem was obviously fitting for the time and it is certainly fitting now! If you need to hear it, may it comfort you as it has comforted me these past few weeks.

This is the time to be slow

This is the time to be slow
Lie low to the wall
Until the bitter weather passes

Try, as best you can, not to let
The wire brush of doubt
Scrape from your heart
All sense of yourself
And your hesitant light.

If you remain generous,
Time will come good;
And you will find your feet
Again on fresh pastures of promise,
Where the air will be kind
And blushed with beginning.

- John O’Donohue, from From To Bless the Space Between Us: A Book of Blessings. Penguin Random House, 2008.

I am hoping, so hoping, that the air of 2023 will be kind and blushed with beginning. For all of us.

If you’d like to share your thoughts on anything in this post, or anything else, with me, then please do! I really enjoy hearing from you. I hope you’re also finding things to enjoy, savour and ponder over your weekend xx

Please note: this blog post has affiliate links with retailers such as Booktopia which means I may receive a commission for a sale that I refer, at no extra cost to you.

Katharine Susannah Prichard Writers' Centre 2023 Fellowships announced

I am beyond thrilled to let you know that I am a Katharine Susannah Prichard Writers’ Centre Fellow for 2023!

The Centre announced the Fellowship recipients earlier this week:

This annual fellowship program provides placements for dedicated aspiring, emerging and established writers looking to develop a writing project. These successful applicants will have the time and space to work in an inspirational environment with special access to Katharine's Cottage, where celebrated novelist Katharine Susannah Prichard wrote most of her works. While in residence at KSP, these fellows also have access to an active community of peers through our many writing groups and workshops.

This means at some point next year I will have two weeks of immersive and focused writing time at this beautiful-looking centre in the outskirts of Perth, Western Australia, where I will be working on my PhD novel. Hopefully by then I will be well and truly on a third draft…maybe a fourth.

At the start of the year I vowed that 2022 would not be another year that I lost to imposter syndrome, which means I’ve put my hat in the ring for many things like this, things I might have been scared off applying for in previous years. Not all of them have come off but that wasn’t the point - the point was to try. That was the deal I made with myself. Just try - no expectations or cherished outcomes beyond that. The lesson Liz Gilbert taught me four years ago seems to have finally sunk in.

To say I can’t wait for 2023 now would be an understatement! Getting this news has been utterly wondrous and spirit-lifting. The day I got the email, I kept checking it to make sure I hadn’t misread it! It’s amazing what can happen when you get out of your own way and just try.

Thank you so much KSP - see you next year!

this week

It’s always fun to spot The Latte Years out in the wild! I don’t think seeing my book on a library shelf will ever get old. I also love how our State Library puts a little Tassie sticker on the spine if you’re a local author.

Sometimes I’m glad I just went with This Week as the title of these weekly updates - something simple, rather than anything clever or exciting. I got trained out of that some years ago when the Elders of the Internet suddenly told us that blog post titles that were too clever, a pun or a play on words, where the reader might have to work for the meaning, were bad for SEO, or led to lower engagement and higher bounce rates. I get the rationale for it, I do.

But if I were giving each weekly update post its own title, this week I might have gone with The Physics of Failure.

A supremely clever and dear friend of mine is an engineer and that is her specialty. But I also think it’s a fantastic summation of trying to write the first draft of a complicated novel.

Take this equation from my most recent work day - write 500 words, delete 5000. What kind of algorithm is that? How is it possible to estimate or predict anything about the creative process? “Honestly, who would do this?” my colleague wrote back in solidarity when we exchanged emails about our writing progress that day.

But I do want to do this, as excruciating as it is. Putting a book together, as Annie Dillard writes, is “interesting and exhilarating. It is sufficiently difficult and complex that is engages all your intelligence. It is life at its most free.”

So, there is nothing to do but keep buggering on, as Winston Churchill said. I steel myself as I prepare for the week ahead, but also I’m rather excited as I wonder whether the draft might be completely different this time next week. What might happen? What might I discover?

Favourite experience/s of the week

Coffee with my parents at a cafe for the first time in about a year (in a cafe, that is, I have seen my parents often in that time!). I’m grateful that hanging out with them regularly is now the norm, no longer a biennial event, though I still savour spending time with them, all the same.

A visit to the hairdresser for the first time since February! My last hairdresser sadly moved away so I had to find a replacement - the lovely lady who did my hair on Tuesday recognised me once I pulled my mask down to take a sip of water. It turned out she did my sister’s hair for her wedding, many years ago. Hashtag Hobart!

Reading

Again mostly PhD stuff but I also managed to read Karen Hitchcock’s The Medicine: A Doctor’s Notes, a collection of her essays about what it’s like to work in the Australian public health system today - interestingly, published in February 2020 and therefore some of her warnings about the dire state of things proved to be correct. Her writing is so insightful and sharp and quite haunting. Karen has been one of my favourite writers for years, ever since I listened to a highly entertaining and engaging interview with her on the ABC in 2010, which I also very much recommend as well as her book of short stories.

I’m also spending some time with Annie Dillard in her restorative and elemental The Writing Life.

Listening to

The First Time: Masters Series - Christos Tsolkias. I managed Part One, which was great, and Part Two is even more insightful but I’ve still got some of that to go, so that’s first on the list for my next walk. Such a talented, humble man and so passionate. I particularly loved this bit from Part Two:

I get told that people want to write revolutionary stuff; they want to write radical stuff; they want to burn the world; [where] their writing is “talking back to the man”…and then, it’s the most timid writing. Everyone I speak to seems to be terrified of what someone’s going to say about them on Twitter so they will not risk an opinion that is challenging. And, more vilely, they won’t defend a friend who gets attacked because they’re scared of the damage that will come their way.

Christos was referring to the mindset and viewpoint of his characters Christo and Andrea in his latest novel 7 1/2 but these are thoughts he, like anyone writing a contemporary novel, has as well. I think it holds a lot of truth!

I also discovered that the Dandy Warhols released an extremely interesting album, that’s about four hours long, in 2020 called Tafelmuzik Means More When You’re Alone - I’ve not yet listened to the whole thing as it’s not quite writing music, though the first two tracks could be. It takes the concept of Tafelmuzik, which was designed to be played to accompany banquets in the 16th century, and turns it on its head a bit. It’s meditative and weird and I kind of love it.

I’ve also had Nils Frahm’s Lemon Day on repeat this week, and while writing this post!

Seriously sensational mashed potato flatbreads.

Eating

The week’s eats were:

Sunday: All-in-one sweet potato Thai curry from The Green Roasting Tin by Rukmini Iyer - this was luscious and so easy to make when we’d got in late from watching the football with the family. It was lovely and soupy, a bit like a laksa.

Monday: Jerk-spiced lentils with rice and mashed potato flatbreads. The flatbreads were seriously out of this world and totally worth having to have all the windows and doors open because of how smoky the kitchen got! Next time I’ll do them on the barbecue but WOW, they tasted like the naan from the Indian street food stall at Spitalfields Market, where I used to prowl around on a Thursday lunchtime back in the day. I can write up the recipe if you like but it was very simple - equal parts leftover mashed potato and self-raising flour, with a bit of soy milk to bind it all together. Spread each flatbread with butter or vegan equivalent while you keep them warm. We had the leftover flatbread (I’m amazed there was any left) with soup the next day for lunch.

Tuesday: It was meant to be risotto, but I ruined it by adding something that had gone off to it (why didn’t I check it first?!) so we ended up having hot chips in the air fryer and a packet of Digestive biscuits. Plus wine. That might have been why the risotto was ruined.

Wednesday: Jerk spiced lentils with pasta (as an alternative bolognese, it’s very delicious).

Thursday: Vegan curried sausages with rice and greens. Very yummy! I was trying to recreate the dish I remembered from my childhood after a chat with my new hairdresser about comfort food, but it wasn’t quite how I remembered it. I think my parents might have used a milder curry powder as well as extra turmeric and milk instead of stock to get more nutrition into their growing girls. I recall the sauce being neon yellow, and very creamy. More experiments needed.

Friday: Jerk spiced lentils with pasta again - I had no desire to repeat Tuesday’s disaster so went with something safe! After a long day, the most I could handle was boiling water and stirring a sauce through.

Saturday: Burger and chips, which we hadn’t had for quite a while. I put some aged walnut cheese on mine which felt rather decadent.

I also made another stash of Nigella’s vegan gingerbread which happily keeps for weeks, and Rachel Ama’s ginger lime cake from her brilliant One Pot book. One cannot write a book without cake. And tea. There’s been plenty of that too.

Watching

Mission Impossible: Fallout (4K Blu Ray) - a Tom choice, but I have been pleasantly surprised by how enjoyable the Mission Impossible franchise is. A bit like James Bond (up until recently that is!), I relax a lot knowing that Ethan Hunt will never be killed off and will therefore pretty much get out of every situation, however dire and un-winnable it appears. That helps me enjoy an action film a lot more. Though I was genuinely sad and shocked when Alec Baldwin’s character doesn’t make it (sorry for the spoiler!). And the sprightly presence of Simon Pegg makes any film a joy to watch.

Sisters (Blu Ray) - we watched this in 2015 and, being so new to Tina Fey’s work at that point and most of the SNL alumni (I know, what rock had I been living under?), I have to confess I didn’t enjoy it on the first watch. We gave it another try this weekend, having become great fans of Amy Poehler and Paula Pell in the intervening years as well, and on this watch I thought it was fantastic. Perhaps I just get the humour more, or recognised so many of the cast, or perhaps now I’m in my early forties, the same age as the protagonists, everything felt a tad more relatable? Either way, I’m really glad we gave it another go.

The Brittas Empire (DVD) - Tom surprised me with the boxset as an early anniversary present and we’ve been laughing non-stop. A lot of comedies from the 1990s have not aged brilliantly but this one is an exception. I was only a child when this show was originally televised and there is something about revisiting shows that you enjoyed as a kid about workplaces and obnoxious bosses as an adult that just gives it so much more meaning and that rings true so much more. I wonder if my favourite blog Ask A Manager might ever dissect Gordon Brittas’ management style for a laugh?!

Quote of the week

Spotted in London a few months ago….

“Create. Every day. And making excuses does not count.” - Wrdsmith

If you’d like to share your thoughts on this post, or anything else, with me, please do! Let me know what you’ve been up to, and what’s been inspiring you, if you like. I love hearing from you. Stay well, until next week! xx

this week

Daphne, one of my favourite smells, and prolific at this time of year. I brought some to my office so I could smell it all day while I’m writing.

I know I say this nearly every week but I’m not entirely sure where this week has gone.

But this week I know why - because I have been putting my head down to make some serious headway on my novel. My supervisors would like to see a full draft by the end of August and so on Monday I printed out the current draft as it stands, all 370 pages of it, and have been lost in that world ever since. Hours pass and I barely move, apart from my fingers on the keyboard.

It has reminded me a lot of when I was writing The Latte Years with a short deadline, around a full time job and everything else that life in London entailed. Days became weeks very quickly.

I’ve decided for the next few weeks, while I’m ensconced in my work, that my This Week posts will be written and published on a Sunday instead of Friday (which frankly has usually meant Saturday!). That takes the pressure off considerably and allows me to devote writing time during the week to the PhD, which is absolutely where it needs to be spent.

It also means that my This Week posts might not be all that exciting for the next little while - if all I’m doing is writing, sleeping, eating and exercising, there might not be much to report! But I’m a firm believer that it’s the little details that are worth paying attention to in life, where we might see interesting patterns, and where we might learn a lot about ourselves.

Favourite experience/s of the week

I loved making some serious headway on my draft. I found myself waking in the mornings, itching to get back to it. I am delighted and frankly relieved that I’ve hit this point with it - it has been a hard slog over the past two years, where research has been so much easier than trying to enter this world with my imagination. I knew I had only got to know these people superficially - I had shaken their hands and nodded politely at them across the room, not sat beside them at a campfire or, God forbid, kicked down their bedroom doors (as the wonderful Morag Joss once instructed me to do). I had a wonderful video chat with a dear friend in London who is also a theatre director, so she is well-versed in making characters come alive. We workshopped a few ideas together and she really encouraged me to step up and take ownership of my subject as a character - I have to invent, because the historical record is so sparse.

Things I was grateful for this week

Is it lame to say my husband? He went out to get some groceries while I was working at home and I heard him come back, shuffling at the front door with the keys and bags. I hopped up and opened the door for him, and he was standing there with a huge bouquet of tulips in his arms. He never misses an opportunity to show me he’s proud of me. I’m so deeply grateful for how supportive he is.

Tea and a pile of library books. Two of my favourite things.

Reading

Honestly? 99 per cent of my reading this week has been PhD stuff. My notebooks, flicking through them looking for things I know I wrote down months ago in a flash of inspiration, or for obscure references that I thought would come in handy. Wonderful books lent to me by my supervisors, poetic deconstruction and interpretation of sparse archives. Combing through JSTOR for papers on fictive memoir and metaphorical mapping in Margaret Atwood’s Alias Grace. There hasn’t been a dull moment!

But I also like to read for pleasure as well, where I can! I got myself a pile of library books yesterday and brought them back to an empty, silent house. I put Ludovico Einaudi on the stereo, brewed a cup of tea and dove into the pile. My happy place.

I’ve already read Breathing Space which is a wonderful collection of poetry, essays, art and short fiction from Tasmanian writers and artists about our changing relationship with this state’s landscape. I adored it. And I know a few of the contributors, which is always special.

Listening to

The First Time: Masters Series - Tony Birch. I had of course heard of Tony and read his writing, but I had never listened to an interview with him before and I was spellbound. He really emphasised the importance of getting into a good working routine for your writing - whatever works for you - and I also appreciated what he said about rejection. I was still feeling sad about one I’d had the week before and his words were really bolstering - and to know that even a writer of his stature still gets turned down was very comforting!

WILD with Sarah Wilson: Ask Me Anything with Melissa Hemsley - fabulous episode, full of Sarah’s usual thoughtfulness and proactive take on life. I must admit I had been feeling a bit despairing over the climate crisis of late and listening to this made me feel hopeful again.

We Can Do Hard Things with Glenn Doyle - OMG, how had I not discovered this podcast until now?! (answer - most likely because I have not been on social media since January). Thank goodness for my walking commute! I have saved so many episodes to listen to but this week I managed both Cheryl Strayed episodes, both Liz Gilbert episodes, and the Reese Witherspoon episode. They were all fabulous and just such great reminders of how important it is to be resilient, courageous and make the contribution that you are here to make.

Best Friend Therapy: Toxic Friendships - how do we define friendship? What makes a friendship toxic? What can we do about it? - I’ve already listened to this twice so that probably tells you how deeply relatable I found this episode. I particularly appreciated their definition of friendship which was thinking of the other person with goodwill, wanting the best for them (even if it means you don’t get what you want from them) and always making generous assumptions. Life is a lot easier when you have generous assumptions! There tends to be less drama too.

Thursday’s tofu fried rice - always a favourite!

Eating

The week’s eats were:

Saturday: Pizza night with family

Sunday: I did a big cook up and made our winter favourite Pip casserole (vegan version obvs!) and Rachel Ama’s Jerk-spiced Lentils, both of which kept us going through the week! We had the casserole with chunks of homemade bread.

Monday: Jerk-spiced Lentils with coconut rice and flatbread. Seriously, every recipe of Rachel Ama’s that I’ve tried has been incredible and this was no exception. If you’re a vegan you need to get her books immediately!

Tuesday: Casserole with flatbread

Wednesday: Jerk-spiced lentils with pasta (it made a delicious pasta sauce!)

Thursday: Tofu fried rice (using leftover rice from Monday)

Friday: Sweet potato and coconut soup (loosely followed this recipe) with bread

Saturday: Nigella’s puttanesca, veganised (use 2 tablespoons of miso paste instead of anchovies) and with shredded chard from the garden added.

The bread machine has been getting a workout (it’s a wonderful enticement to get up with my alarm, as I time it to be finished at the same time. Whatever works!), I made another loaf of banana bread, and also an ill-fated tray of granola which was gutting. I prepared it so lovingly - coconut oil, vanilla and organic honey I wanted to use up melted down, stirred through nuts, almond meal, seeds and coconut into clustered sweetness - only for it to burn in the too-hot oven. The place smelled of honey, coconut and vanilla for days, the promise of what could have been hanging in the air! Sad face. I managed to salvage about half a cup of dark brown on the cusp of burnt granola, and it was pretty nice. Sigh. I will be much more careful next time and watch it like a hawk!

Watching

Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation (4K Blu-Ray - Tom was keen I make the distinction, haha!) - I quite enjoyed this! The highlight was realising that one of the shady guys was Cecil the choirmaster from the Vicar of Dibley, haha!

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (iTunes) - apart from Sisters (which I may need to give another chance), I love everything Tina Fey is in and this was no exception. The year is 2003 and a news writer (Fey) stuck in a rut decides to chuck in her comfortable but depressingly mundane life, and volunteers to report from the frontline of the war in Afghanistan. Unsurprisingly, her life is utterly transformed (to put it mildly) by the experience. Admittedly a certain amount of suspension of disbelief is required when watching Anglo actors play locals but overall I found the heart of this film to be in pretty much the right place. It’s well shot, well paced and also, despite its serious subject matter, very funny in places.

Quote of the week

At the library yesterday I picked up a book I’ve read before - The Writing Life by Annie Dillard - and at random it fell open at this page when I picked it up.

“Aim for the chopping block. If you aim for the wood, you will have nothing. Aim past the wood, aim through the wood; aim for the chopping block.” - Annie Dillard

I think of this as encouragement to see the bigger picture, widening one’s perspective rather than being focused too narrowly on the wood itself - the finished work, the published book, and how it is received. Don’t worry about doing it perfectly. Focus on the act of writing itself, the chopping block.

If you’d like to share your thoughts on this post, or anything else, with me, please do! I hope you’re staying safe and well, wherever you are xx

publishing the ghosts: after the finish line

In 2015, when we were still living in the UK and The Latte Years was a few months away from being a real live book, I was thrilled to have an article accepted by a publication that I loved. It was a magazine about how to make both a living and a life, full of empowering, inspiring stories of interesting people and how they got to where they are.

After my story was submitted, I got a strange but breezy email back saying that things were up in the air and they’d let me know - by the end of the year, the magazine had sadly disappeared. The words I wrote never saw the light of day.

I’ve been looking through some old folders and hard drives over the past few days, and I found the article. After The Latte Years, it was the second thing I ever wrote on my MacBook Air, in Pages! It’s very much of the mindset I had when I wrote it, almost like a little time machine. It was never edited, and most definitely could have done with a going-over. In the intervening years I have become painfully aware of my natural tendency towards long sentences!

But what the hell - as one of my writing goals for 2022 was to “publish all the ghosts”, rather than find an alternative home for it or rework it significantly with seven years hindsight, I thought I would honour the hopeful, forward-looking me that wrote it and share it here.

After the finish line

What's next? is a question I’ve been trying to answer for as long as I can remember.

I was a straight A student at school and university, so it seemed there was always another hoop to jump through, another pat on the head I was waiting for. While I was very driven (good) I was very dependent on external validation to feel good about myself (not good). To say the real world hit me hard after graduation is something of an understatement. I went through a period of major stagnation in my early twenties where my physical health deteriorated and my lifelong ambition of being a writer was all but shelved. 

I took up endurance sport nearly ten years ago to shift a few pounds and negotiate the aftermath of a painful divorce at the fairly young age of 25.  When I crossed the finish line of the London Marathon in 2011, I had never been so proud of myself. My thighs were taut with muscle, my heart soared with joy as I had surely conquered the ultimate physical feat. I didn’t know if I wanted to ever run another marathon - the training had taken over my life and I’d had no time to write.

But what on earth would I do next? As a born overachiever, the fact I didn’t have an answer to this question didn't sit well. 

A year after the marathon, I was now a full time writer after a well-timed redundancy, but despite having taken the biggest leap of faith of my life, things were not going well. I had come dead last in a trail half marathon (a race harder than the marathon had ever been), money was running low and it looked like my biggest dream, publishing a book, was never going to happen as my hopeful queries to agents and publishers were met with rejection after rejection. 

 On New Year’s Eve 2012, with my confidence in tatters, I did a manifestation exercise where I wrote a letter to myself from my 2015 self. What would she say? What was life like now? What words of encouragement could I give myself, based on where I hoped I would be in three years time?

I found the letter the other day. It’s so accurate it’s frightening. 

2015 has been a big year for me, possibly the biggest of my life. Since my agent rang me with the news in March, I’ve surfed a giant wave of publisher deadlines, edits, cover designs, fitting in writing a 100,000 word book around a full time job within three months, not to mention the fear of exposure that comes with having a book that contains such a raw personal story out there in the world. But my heart is soaring. Fear is a luxury I daren’t indulge in.  My memoir The Latte Years will be published in January 2016. 

 Just like when I finished the marathon, I’m pondering the same question. What am I going to do now? What do you do once you realise your biggest dream in life? The similarities between writers and athletes never fail to amaze and amuse me, and so I have been negotiating this time for my work and creative practice the same way I approached the aftermath of completing a marathon.

I have had to find ways to get “goal hungry” again both after success and after failure. Both scenarios require gentleness and asking questions and setting intentions from a place of love rather than fear. 

This is what has helped me so far:

Put your feet up

 A wonderful running coach, Martin Yelling, told me to “put your slippers on and have a well deserved rest” after the marathon. He’s a wise man - often the best thing we can do after achieving something massive is let the dust settle, take stock and, for heaven’s sake, RELAX. 

Detach

 This has been key to my personal growth as well as my creative work. Keeping my self belief while detaching from desired outcomes and expectations is trickier than it sounds but it can be done. Sometimes you need to detach from an old identity too. Many of us cling to old personas that don’t always reflect who we are now. It’s very tempting to call myself a marathon runner forever more but while that achievement can never be taken away from me, I can’t keep measuring myself against it either.  It reminds me that achievements come and go in the fullness of time, but life goes on. Nothing you leave behind will ever be truly lost if it is relevant to your future. Trust that. 

Manifest (or visualise)

An essential technique for successful athletes is visualising their moment of glory. Not just what they can see, but how do they feel?  I’ve found doing the same thing immensely helpful for my creative goals. The great paradox about the creative life is that you cannot ever possibly know what the outcome of your efforts will be - and I truly believe that’s a good thing - but writing down what I wanted to achieve in the voice of a future self who had already achieved it was a powerful exercise. It helped me visualise where I wanted to be, work out my priorities and feel gratitude for how far I’d come. It also gave me some clues as to how I was going to get there from that moment in time, dejected and wondering if I should just throw in the towel.

 If you’re struggling to figure out what’s next for you, really recommend trying it. I’m not saying all you have to do is write down what you want and it will happen like magic. We all know life doesn’t work that way. But what does work is getting really clear about who you are and what you want (and who you’re not and what you don’t) and then taking some action. A little imagination doesn’t hurt either. 

Trust

 It’s easy to fret our lives away, looking for our next achievement. The current culture of social media does little to reassure us that everything doesn’t have to be instagrammable, and if you can’t apply the #blessed hashtag to your life then you’re doing something wrong. 

In those near three years, I didn’t look at what I’d written in that letter from my future self once, but I did remember how authentic the voice sounded. Future Me was on to something, I decided. I would trust that all would be well. I would put my faith in the universe to deliver. Even if it meant I had nothing to instagram but my breakfast in the meantime.  

Take action

 I think this is the step many of us have trouble with - I certainly did for the first half of my life. It’s easy to want - it’s the doing that’s the hard bit. You have to keep your end of the bargain. Everything is a choice, including doing nothing. 

 For me, action was a conscious act of surrender and letting go. I decided to stop for a while and listen, take notice, instead of pushing so hard all the time. I no longer had any grandiose ideas, no project I thought would be my “game changer”. But every day, I got up and committed myself to my practice, just as a runner puts on her shoes and runs every day. Even if it was just Morning Pages, I was “in training”. I was a marathon writer. 

Be true to yourself

 For me, the question “what next?” has to be answered by examining your own motives. I’m a goal-oriented person by nature and while this is not necessarily a bad thing, it was crucial for me to get a balance between goals that were truly authentic and goals I was pursuing because I thought I “should” or that would earn me admiration from others.  

Experience has taught me that things get clearer, or solutions present themselves, when you stop and enjoy the view for a while. In fact, that is the only reason to climb the mountain. Don’t worry about whether others can see you on top of it – do it for the fun of the climb and, above all, let yourself enjoy the view once you get there.  The next mountain can wait, just for now.