little things

catching up

My favourite hot cross buns in Hobart are from Jackman and McRoss - no mixed peel sadly (why does everyone hate it?I love it!) but with apricots and hazelnuts instead.

Hello friends - I can hardly believe we’re in the middle of April already! I had a post almost fully written just before Easter for you but then Squarespace logged me out while writing it and…that was that, it was all gone. I’m afraid I didn’t have the strength to rewrite it immediately!

Life has been full and busy, with deadline after deadline, but that is to be expected when you run a business, are in the final year of a PhD and like to keep your hand in with freelance journalism! But I am loving it. I just need to keep up the self care, which has always been a challenge. But I’m trying to get better at it - at the suggestion of one of my supervisors, I have a list of rewards that I decided to treat myself to when I reach certain milestones (two of those arrived, more on those further down!). Tom and I have also put some fun things in the diary to look forward to.

Favourite experience/s of the week

We had a lovely Easter celebration with the family - last year Tom and I started a new Easter tradition for the nieces and nephews, the Easter lucky dip, and we continued it this year, which was great fun. We get a number of big bags of mini M&Ms, Mars Bars, Cadbury Dairy Milk, Malteasers, all kid-friendly things and whack them inside a sack (well, pillowcase), along with a booby prize, which is usually a packet of dried chickpeas or pearl barley from the cupboard. Each child (though quite a few of them are teenagers now!) then picks a prize from the pillowcase and it’s so much fun, everyone seems to enjoy the suspense and theatricality of it. This year, our three-year-old niece picked the booby prize of pearl barley (we had given her a little chocolate bunny separately, I didn’t think her parents would appreciate her being given an entire bag of mini Mars Bars) which she actually seemed quite delighted by!

But the best moment of the past few weeks was Tom getting 100% on his Australian citizenship test!

Reading

Alice Pung is one of my favourite writers - I loved her workshop in Hidden Nerve last year on gesture - and so I was delighted to pick up a copy of her latest novel, One Hundred Days, which was shortlisted for last year’s Miles Franklin (probably the highest literary honour in this country). I devoured it in an afternoon, lying in bed, hot water bottle pressed to the abdomen (which made me feel a lot of the book’s content quite viscerally!). It’s simply outstanding. Set in the late 1980s, which I really enjoyed, it was almost a retelling of the Rapunzel story - an intense mother-daughter relationship which is taken to a new level of smothering and control when the teenage daughter discovers she’s pregnant. She tries and fails to keep it from her overbearing mother, who loves as fiercely and protectively as she knows how, but which leaves the daughter feeling like a prisoner, quite literally. It’s a tense and almost claustrophobic narrative at times but also very funny in places too. I really loved it.

The New Yorker: The Unexpected Grief of a Hysterectomy

British Vogue: Bernardine Evaristo: 2023 Is A Breakthrough Year For Black British Women Novelists

The Cut: My Marriage Was Never The Same After That - oof, I felt every word of this.

Lit Hub: The Hero We Need: Keanu Reeves is Demolishing All Our Dumb Stereotypes - I did not realise that there is an entire sub-genre of Celebrity Studies entirely dedicated to Keanu Reeves, especially in relation to his representations of masculinity. Just one of the many rabbit holes I fall down on a daily basis when doing my PhD work! Tom and I have ended up having a bit of a Keanu season as a result and we’ve both enjoyed thinking about his films through that lens.

I also read Ashley Kalagian Blunt’s new crime-thriller Dark Mode in just a few days - it’s really quite gripping, despite the dark and disturbing subject matter. Not normally my preferred genre but having listened to Ashley talk about it on her podcast for the last few months, I was very excited and intrigued to read it. I also loved that it was set in Sydney! Masterfully crafted and absolutely riveting, you’ll find it hard to tear yourself away - and do not read it at bedtime is all I will say. Ashley’s also shared a lot of the inspiration behind Dark Mode on her blog, which is also fascinating reading.

I’m re-reading Stephanie’s Journal (now out of print) for about the millionth time - always a good comfort read, and I always notice something different, something else to relate to. This time what has struck me most is the restraint with which she writes about difficult situations, especially in friendships and professional relationships breaking down. The details are spare but her anguish is very plain.

I borrowed this vegan cookbook from the library - I love how a local author can be easily identified by the map of Tassie sticker on the spine! - and was quite enthralled by all the delicious ideas. I think I’ll have to get my own copy, which you can get direct from the Bob Brown Foundation or Hobartians can stroll into Fullers and grab a copy by the looks of it. See Eating for more!

Listening to

I have been listening to Alexandra Stréliski’s new album Néo-Romance non-stop - it’s the perfect writing music. Londoners, she’s playing there on 4 May! I so wish I could go! If you love haunting, melodic piano (similar to my beloved Ludovico but she’s most definitely got her own style), I think you’ll love her work.

The First Time: Masters Series with Cate Kennedy - OMG this was amazing. So full of insight and reassurance. Cate Kennedy said some wonderful things, but this I played back several times: “it’s uncomfortable to write. To make anything is a state of of discomfort because you have to sit with it being in an imperfect state for a long time.”

I’ve also been enjoying revisiting the music of Riyuichi Sakamoto who sadly died at the end of March. His last album 12, released in January, is wonderful.

Inner winter playlist, on repeat!

Best Friend Therapy remains a favourite podcast, I’m always glad when Monday rolls around because I have a new episode to listen to! The episode on guilt was especially helpful - that very day the episode dropped I was in a conundrum about something, and through listening I realised that I didn’t actually feel guilty about my feelings, because I trusted them, I just felt afraid to express them. It’s easy to mistake fear for guilt, it turns out.

Eating

Tom and I went out for brunch for the first time in ages - it feels quite wondrous going into cafes again, though I am still a little skittish at times - and we were both in raptures over the Scrambled Stunner at the Little Lotus Cafe. This was scrambled tofu, squares of crispy polenta, chargrilled broccolini, tomato chilli jam and rice paper ‘bacon’. Absolutely delicious! I also enjoyed a proper chai alongside.

This pasta was also a stunner - this is parsnip pasta! Not sweet, if that’s what you’d be thinking with parsnips. Made with wholewheat spaghetti, some smoked vegan cheese, kale and chilli, it was a real treat! I also used Jamie Oliver’s trick of roasted the parsnip peel in the oven with some nutritional yeast (he uses Parmesan). I will never compost parsnip peel again - it was amazing.

I love Shepard avocado season! It divides the nation every year - from February to April - but I don’t know what the fuss is about. They’re lovely! Far better than hand-grenade Hass, who go from perfect to inedible in what feels like half a day. Shepards last well and are nearly always blemish-free. The flesh of Hass oxidises far more quickly too. We’ve enjoyed Shepards on toast, in salad, every which way we’d normally enjoy an avocado and think they’re fabulous. Shepard forever!

I made a vegan zucchini and potato bake from zucchini and potatoes from my garden, which was absolutely sumptuous. There were leftovers, which I blended into another batch of zucchini butterbean soup a week later.

This is the chilli sin carne from Lisa Searle’s Feeding the Resistance mentioned in the Reading section. It was scrumptious! I followed her suggestion to make it mild and then smothered my own portion in pickled jalapeños! Perfect cold weather food. We loved this and the recipe made enough for me to stock the freezer with, and leftovers (with rice) for both of us to take to our respective offices the following day.

I had leftover porridge from breakfast a few days ago and was moved to make porridge bread for the first time in quite a while. It was divine. It’s so wholesome and delicious, like having porridge and toast for breakfast in one. We enjoyed thick slabs of it toasted with marmalade and cultured oat butter for breakfast, and with soup for dinner. It was so good I deliberately made extra porridge for breakfast today so we could have another loaf for the weekend. It’s in the oven as we speak and the house smells heavenly.

I roasted a whole heap of root vegetables (and a broccoli stalk) - including beetroot I grew myself - for a yummy quinoa salad.

Other meals have been the standard tofu fried rice, frozen dumplings, sweet potato mac and cheese, baked potatoes and kimchi, and leftovers thereof. I’ve also made this vegan bolognese which was out-of-this-world good - it stocked the freezer and we have plenty of leftovers in the fridge.

These chocolates were one of my “yay, you did it!” rewards to myself - I got the Love and Light Bundle, which is a box of their artisan chocolates (the Lover’s Box) and a divine sandalwood and vanilla candle. I was seriously impressed with the delivery - I ordered them on Monday evening and they were in Tassie by midday on Wednesday, packed in ice! These chocolates are unbelievable. Handmade in Byron Bay, vegan, free of all nasties, packed with superfood ingredients and natural flavours, I can’t get over how decadent and delicious they are. And seriously satisfying - Tom and I shared three between us and that was more than enough! I’ve not made my way through the whole box yet but my top three flavours so far are Coconut & Cashew with Vanilla, Dark Peppermint Creme with Matcha and Butter Caramel Pecan with Cinnamon. Seriously, I may never eat any other kind of chocolate again. If you love chocolate and want to treat yo self (and you should), I would highly recommend them.

Drinking

You guessed it - my favourite. Nothing like a proper chai this time of year.

Picking

The garden has been full of delicious things - the aforementioned potatoes, zucchini and beetroot, and yesterday I picked nearly 1kg of cherry tomatoes which went into my vegan ragu. I held out so little hope of the tomatoes going red that I hadn’t been to check on them for some time, and some of them had exploded from overripe-ness on the vine. Whoops!

I picked another kilo or so of figs, which have been roasted and frozen for winter porridge, but there are still a handful of them ripening on the branches. Some green beans, which I’ll pick to go with our shepherd’s pie this evening. It looks like we have a few pumpkins on the vine too.

My parents told me to go and pick some of their apples and tomatoes while they were away on the mainland, so I picked a bag of each. I stewed the apples with lots of cinnamon and vanilla into a delicious compote, which we’ve had with porridge most mornings, and the tomatoes became a kasundi, one of my signature condiments. I used to make it for neighbours and workmates in London who all loved it. It’s great made with tinned tomatoes as well as fresh. I use Anna Jones’ recipe.

I bought lots of basil from Hill Street Grocer today (on special!) so I think I’ll make a pesto with it together with the beetroot stalks and leaves. I also have a giant half of a red cabbage to do something with - I might make Nigella’s pickled red cabbage from Cook Eat Repeat.

Watching

As mentioned, Tom and I had a very Keanu-themed Easter thanks to my sudden interest (as mentioned above)! We watched John Wick (the first one), A Scanner Darkly and Street Kings, all on 4K BluRay. These sorts of films, it must be said, aren’t usually my cup of tea but it was fascinating to watch them taking particular note of how the roles Keanu Reeves plays are nearly always a comment on some variation of masculinity, and reflect the profound importance of kindness. Tom, of course, was thrilled that I wanted to watch these movies and dissect them from these particular angles! Film is his thing.

I always associate Easter with Little Women - very odd I know, as it’s more of a Christmas film - because the Gillian Armstrong directed version was released on video (!) at Easter when I was a teenager. My sisters and I watched it on Good Friday, eating our fish fingers and chips. For the longest time I was very protective of that particular version, I thought nothing could touch it (and I still think Christian Bale is a very charming Laurie) and I was sceptical when a new adaptation came out in 2019, even though it was written and directed by my best friend Greta Gerwig. But then I watched it. I should never have doubted Greta. It’s without question the best version of the story I’ve ever seen. So we watched that for our Good Friday movie and both laughed and cried, as usual! Utter perfection.

Succession (Binge) - after two very lacklustre episodes (we thought) to start Season 4, this week’s episode was a nail biter! A complete return to form for the series that both Tom and I were left reeling from! Who else has watched it?!

I’m also still making my way through a complete rewatch of Call the Midwife which is definitely my comfort watch (though there’s nearly always some dark tale at the heart of each episode). I adore it.

Wearing

It’s getting cold and therefore one needs SOCKS. I went to see Tracy and Jen at Red Parka in town, who sell delightful, colourful, warm and ethically-made bamboo socks. And I love that they have Tasmanian animals on them! I bought some fairy wren ones and some pademelons. I wasn’t sure if the 7-11 would fit me, as I am an 11, so I got the pademelons in an 11-14, just in case. I’m happy to report the 7-11 fit perfectly and the 11-14 are a little big, but both very comfortable and fun to wear either way!

I really love socks, I’ve discovered.

Another of my making-a-deadline rewards was this Ipsum Face Oil Intense which I’ve been wanting to try for a long time since I read about it in an article about winter skincare dos-and-don’ts (Spaced fans, you’ll get the joke I’m sure) a few years back. I’ve only been using it for about 10 days and it’s already giving me a glow. It may well be the best thing I’ve ever put on my face. It smells divine, full of lavender, chamomile and fragonia, and feels delightful and nourishing on the skin. Everything feels smoother since I’ve been using this oil. It’s just beautiful and I can imagine it will help keep my skin in good condition over winter. Ipsum very kindly included a full-size Cleansing Oil Balm with my order too, as that product has just recently won Best Skincare Product at The Best of The Green Edit Awards. I can see why, it’s also lovely and leaves my skin so soft! It also arrived within a week of ordering and I got a lovely personal email from the director of the company to thank me for my order. Supporting small businesses for the win!

Proud of

As mentioned, my darling husband studied hard and learned all about Australia’s history, system of government, culture and various other things for his citizenship test, which he got 100% on! We were both so thrilled and relieved. Not that I thought for a minute that he wouldn’t pass, but something of this nature always has a lot riding on it (I remember it well when I did my British citizenship test and interviews). I am more proud of him than I can say.

Quote of the week

“The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.” - Coco Chanel

If you’d like to share your thoughts on this post, or anything else, with me, please do! I hope you’ve been keeping well and that you’re also finding things in your life to savour and ponder, that give you pleasure and comfort.

Please note: this particular blog post does not contain any affiliate links. Usually I have affiliate links for books I mention but this week I couldn’t be bothered, haha! I’ve not been paid or asked to endorse anything in this post. Everything I’ve mentioned and linked to is a genuine recommendation - but that is always the case :)

when the bottle breaks

Image by Steve Buissinne from Pixabay

Image by Steve Buissinne from Pixabay

“Everything that needs to be said has already been said. But since no one was listening, everything must be said again.” - Andre Gide

I think we are getting a very clear message from the Universe that we need to get better at living in the moment.

When I started a daily meditation practice nearly three years ago, my aim was to get better at living in the present and meeting life on its own terms. To relinquish my need for control and simply be here now in my life instead of creating an identity out of stories, whether they were past dramas and traumas, or worries about a future that hadn’t happened yet.

I can’t say I’ve mastered it. I still get lost in drama and stories every now and then. But right now, with everything the world is facing, I am grateful for my meditation practice. For the past three years, I have been training my mind to accept every thought it has, including my deepest fears, and to listen to them with mindfulness and compassion.

And yet, until the recent pandemic crisis unfolded, I was still just as guilty as the next person of putting things off until X happens or when I’m fit enough to run a half-marathon again or when I’ve had my hair cut/brows waxed or whatever feeble excuse it might have been.

I still did this, despite having learned the lesson long ago that the present moment is all we have. A lesson which current circumstances are really hammering home.

Let me tell you a story.

A few years ago now, I was living in a tiny flat in the centre of London and I had a bottle of expensive body lotion on my dressing table. It was a Christmas gift and I'd been saving it - but for what, I'm not sure.  I would occasionally put a tiny daube of it on my hands when they felt dry and I wanted them to smell nice.  That's what I was doing one morning as I was about to leave the house for work, just picking up the bottle to put a tiny bit on my hands and be on my way. 

I must have squeezed the bottle too tightly because the next thing I knew, the bottle had broken, with jagged pieces of sharp plastic now sticking out of the thick lotion, and it had also sprayed lotion on to the floor and the wall. Just what you want when you’re running for a train, right?

Luckily, once I had wiped up the mess and got rid of the shards, I realised that if I lay the bottle on its side, with the broken side up, I could still use what was left of the lotion.  But it couldn’t be "saved" any more.  I would have to use it. So I did and, for the few weeks it lasted, I smelled lovely.

Why am I telling you this? you might ask. Because, like many epiphanies, it was a very small thing that held a much larger lesson.

Once my bottle was broken, that was it.  I couldn't save the body lotion for another day or once we move to the new house or whatever reason I wasn't allowing myself to just use it.  I had to use it now.  I had to just get on with it. The choice had been taken away from me. As it has with many far more basic everyday essentials, things we used to take for granted, now.

I don't think there is anything wrong with saving things for "best" or for a special treat. When you do indulgent things all the time, they stop becoming special and just become the norm.  So I think it's important to have a balance and definitely have some things that you do save for special times to add to that sense of occasion, and truly savour them when you do. 

But I'm not talking about buying a bottle of Pol Roger every weekend (though that would be amazing) and indulging in all kinds of extravagances as a distraction, although we all need those occasionally.  I’m also not talking about blowing your rent money on things you don’t need or can’t afford when you need to prioritise other things at this time.

What I'm talking about are the small things that you deny yourself, or put off, or only let yourself have when you’ve “earned” them, when actually those things would add so much joy and contentment to your life right now.

It could be a mug of that gorgeous, vanilla-scented loose leaf tea you love. The expensive shower gel that makes you think of ripe pears and spring flowers. New bath towels. Using the ‘good’ wine glasses, or the pretty dinner plates that your Mum gave you once a week, not just once a year.

It might not even be a thing. It could be allowing yourself to plant a garden. Get a puppy or a kitten. Learning to knit or play the piano.

Why, before everything changed, were you denying yourself these things? Why would you not have wanted to be the happiest and most fulfilled that you could possibly be? And are those reasons still valid now? It’s worth thinking about.

You never know when the choice is going to be taken away from you or when the illusion of control will be shattered. When you realise that even the ability to put something off for another time, an undefined moment in the future, was a privilege in itself.

When we save things for "later" or "for when X happens", we’re convincing ourselves that the future is going to be somehow better than what we're experiencing right now, in the present.  The truth is, the future is an illusion - it doesn't exist yet.  And the past is gone.  All we have is now.

So don’t put off your big dreams and your tiny joyful indulgences for another day, for a far off time where you envision you might be happier, more deserving, more accomplished, more worthy.

You are worthy of your dreams and your desires in life, right now. Just as you are.  

I realise that some things you want to do or treat yourself to may not be advisable or particularly do-able right now. You’re probably prioritising the basics like food and medicine and making sure your loved ones are OK over fancy hand cream, as I am.

But things won’t always be this way.

When all of this is over, I hope you will go and do all those things you’ve put off. And in the meantime, let yourself have the small moments of happiness and pleasure in your every day, whatever they might be for you. Don't wait until the bottle breaks. Or until you’re forced to stay at home.

Tell me, how are you going to look after yourself and live in the moment today?

weekenders on our own

Just a perfect day
Problems all left alone
Weekenders on our own
It's such fun
- Lou Reed

Sometimes the best days are the unplanned ones. 

shoreditch-street-art-a-nahu

We expected rain, being stuck indoors, winter still blowing its frosty breath over the city. Instead, it was pleasantly overcast when we met our friends at Old Street tube and took the scenic route, through the streets of Shoreditch which are like galleries with vast, colourful murals everywhere you look, to a cafe for the best vegan burger in London:

essential-vegan-burger
cassava-chips
street-art-broadway

 

Then we walked around Columbia Road, past Hackney City Farm where we saw baby goats frolicking in the grass, and then up to Broadway Market where we stood elbow to elbow with East London's hipster population jostling for vintage clothes, killer brownies, raw milk, giant cheese toasties, coffee and sourdough bread. I came for Frida.

Actually, I think it's meant to be a blend of Frida and Diego!

Actually, I think it's meant to be a blend of Frida and Diego!

 

Then we walked back to Haggerston along the canal. The sun came out and we unpeeled ourselves from our coats with glee. We made a brief stop at Proud East for probably the best Virgin Mary I've ever had:

virgin-mary
phil-and-lisa
phil-and-tom

Refreshed, we walked further along Regent's Canal up to Islington. The air was cold but the sun was out, and I could smell the sweet perfume of violets on the banks, wood-fired stoves in the canal boats, and coffee from the riverside cafes. We saw a group of friends drifting along the river in a floating hot tub. I took note of the company for future reference!

We wandered through Camden Passage, as the stallholders began to wrap their unsold wares in newspaper and box them up, and there was still a queue at the Breakfast Club. We stopped for a pint in the Camden Head (our new favourite place in this part of town).

tom-camden-head

When a day turns out to be unexpectedly fun, in the gentle company of true friends with whom you can just be yourself, with delicious food, refreshing beverages, the weather surprisingly fine and the promise of spring hovering on the horizon.....these are the days that I live for.