catching up

My favourite hot cross buns in Hobart are from Jackman and McRoss - no mixed peel sadly (why does everyone hate it?I love it!) but with apricots and hazelnuts instead.

Hello friends - I can hardly believe we’re in the middle of April already! I had a post almost fully written just before Easter for you but then Squarespace logged me out while writing it and…that was that, it was all gone. I’m afraid I didn’t have the strength to rewrite it immediately!

Life has been full and busy, with deadline after deadline, but that is to be expected when you run a business, are in the final year of a PhD and like to keep your hand in with freelance journalism! But I am loving it. I just need to keep up the self care, which has always been a challenge. But I’m trying to get better at it - at the suggestion of one of my supervisors, I have a list of rewards that I decided to treat myself to when I reach certain milestones (two of those arrived, more on those further down!). Tom and I have also put some fun things in the diary to look forward to.

Favourite experience/s of the week

We had a lovely Easter celebration with the family - last year Tom and I started a new Easter tradition for the nieces and nephews, the Easter lucky dip, and we continued it this year, which was great fun. We get a number of big bags of mini M&Ms, Mars Bars, Cadbury Dairy Milk, Malteasers, all kid-friendly things and whack them inside a sack (well, pillowcase), along with a booby prize, which is usually a packet of dried chickpeas or pearl barley from the cupboard. Each child (though quite a few of them are teenagers now!) then picks a prize from the pillowcase and it’s so much fun, everyone seems to enjoy the suspense and theatricality of it. This year, our three-year-old niece picked the booby prize of pearl barley (we had given her a little chocolate bunny separately, I didn’t think her parents would appreciate her being given an entire bag of mini Mars Bars) which she actually seemed quite delighted by!

But the best moment of the past few weeks was Tom getting 100% on his Australian citizenship test!

Reading

Alice Pung is one of my favourite writers - I loved her workshop in Hidden Nerve last year on gesture - and so I was delighted to pick up a copy of her latest novel, One Hundred Days, which was shortlisted for last year’s Miles Franklin (probably the highest literary honour in this country). I devoured it in an afternoon, lying in bed, hot water bottle pressed to the abdomen (which made me feel a lot of the book’s content quite viscerally!). It’s simply outstanding. Set in the late 1980s, which I really enjoyed, it was almost a retelling of the Rapunzel story - an intense mother-daughter relationship which is taken to a new level of smothering and control when the teenage daughter discovers she’s pregnant. She tries and fails to keep it from her overbearing mother, who loves as fiercely and protectively as she knows how, but which leaves the daughter feeling like a prisoner, quite literally. It’s a tense and almost claustrophobic narrative at times but also very funny in places too. I really loved it.

The New Yorker: The Unexpected Grief of a Hysterectomy

British Vogue: Bernardine Evaristo: 2023 Is A Breakthrough Year For Black British Women Novelists

The Cut: My Marriage Was Never The Same After That - oof, I felt every word of this.

Lit Hub: The Hero We Need: Keanu Reeves is Demolishing All Our Dumb Stereotypes - I did not realise that there is an entire sub-genre of Celebrity Studies entirely dedicated to Keanu Reeves, especially in relation to his representations of masculinity. Just one of the many rabbit holes I fall down on a daily basis when doing my PhD work! Tom and I have ended up having a bit of a Keanu season as a result and we’ve both enjoyed thinking about his films through that lens.

I also read Ashley Kalagian Blunt’s new crime-thriller Dark Mode in just a few days - it’s really quite gripping, despite the dark and disturbing subject matter. Not normally my preferred genre but having listened to Ashley talk about it on her podcast for the last few months, I was very excited and intrigued to read it. I also loved that it was set in Sydney! Masterfully crafted and absolutely riveting, you’ll find it hard to tear yourself away - and do not read it at bedtime is all I will say. Ashley’s also shared a lot of the inspiration behind Dark Mode on her blog, which is also fascinating reading.

I’m re-reading Stephanie’s Journal (now out of print) for about the millionth time - always a good comfort read, and I always notice something different, something else to relate to. This time what has struck me most is the restraint with which she writes about difficult situations, especially in friendships and professional relationships breaking down. The details are spare but her anguish is very plain.

I borrowed this vegan cookbook from the library - I love how a local author can be easily identified by the map of Tassie sticker on the spine! - and was quite enthralled by all the delicious ideas. I think I’ll have to get my own copy, which you can get direct from the Bob Brown Foundation or Hobartians can stroll into Fullers and grab a copy by the looks of it. See Eating for more!

Listening to

I have been listening to Alexandra Stréliski’s new album Néo-Romance non-stop - it’s the perfect writing music. Londoners, she’s playing there on 4 May! I so wish I could go! If you love haunting, melodic piano (similar to my beloved Ludovico but she’s most definitely got her own style), I think you’ll love her work.

The First Time: Masters Series with Cate Kennedy - OMG this was amazing. So full of insight and reassurance. Cate Kennedy said some wonderful things, but this I played back several times: “it’s uncomfortable to write. To make anything is a state of of discomfort because you have to sit with it being in an imperfect state for a long time.”

I’ve also been enjoying revisiting the music of Riyuichi Sakamoto who sadly died at the end of March. His last album 12, released in January, is wonderful.

Inner winter playlist, on repeat!

Best Friend Therapy remains a favourite podcast, I’m always glad when Monday rolls around because I have a new episode to listen to! The episode on guilt was especially helpful - that very day the episode dropped I was in a conundrum about something, and through listening I realised that I didn’t actually feel guilty about my feelings, because I trusted them, I just felt afraid to express them. It’s easy to mistake fear for guilt, it turns out.

Eating

Tom and I went out for brunch for the first time in ages - it feels quite wondrous going into cafes again, though I am still a little skittish at times - and we were both in raptures over the Scrambled Stunner at the Little Lotus Cafe. This was scrambled tofu, squares of crispy polenta, chargrilled broccolini, tomato chilli jam and rice paper ‘bacon’. Absolutely delicious! I also enjoyed a proper chai alongside.

This pasta was also a stunner - this is parsnip pasta! Not sweet, if that’s what you’d be thinking with parsnips. Made with wholewheat spaghetti, some smoked vegan cheese, kale and chilli, it was a real treat! I also used Jamie Oliver’s trick of roasted the parsnip peel in the oven with some nutritional yeast (he uses Parmesan). I will never compost parsnip peel again - it was amazing.

I love Shepard avocado season! It divides the nation every year - from February to April - but I don’t know what the fuss is about. They’re lovely! Far better than hand-grenade Hass, who go from perfect to inedible in what feels like half a day. Shepards last well and are nearly always blemish-free. The flesh of Hass oxidises far more quickly too. We’ve enjoyed Shepards on toast, in salad, every which way we’d normally enjoy an avocado and think they’re fabulous. Shepard forever!

I made a vegan zucchini and potato bake from zucchini and potatoes from my garden, which was absolutely sumptuous. There were leftovers, which I blended into another batch of zucchini butterbean soup a week later.

This is the chilli sin carne from Lisa Searle’s Feeding the Resistance mentioned in the Reading section. It was scrumptious! I followed her suggestion to make it mild and then smothered my own portion in pickled jalapeños! Perfect cold weather food. We loved this and the recipe made enough for me to stock the freezer with, and leftovers (with rice) for both of us to take to our respective offices the following day.

I had leftover porridge from breakfast a few days ago and was moved to make porridge bread for the first time in quite a while. It was divine. It’s so wholesome and delicious, like having porridge and toast for breakfast in one. We enjoyed thick slabs of it toasted with marmalade and cultured oat butter for breakfast, and with soup for dinner. It was so good I deliberately made extra porridge for breakfast today so we could have another loaf for the weekend. It’s in the oven as we speak and the house smells heavenly.

I roasted a whole heap of root vegetables (and a broccoli stalk) - including beetroot I grew myself - for a yummy quinoa salad.

Other meals have been the standard tofu fried rice, frozen dumplings, sweet potato mac and cheese, baked potatoes and kimchi, and leftovers thereof. I’ve also made this vegan bolognese which was out-of-this-world good - it stocked the freezer and we have plenty of leftovers in the fridge.

These chocolates were one of my “yay, you did it!” rewards to myself - I got the Love and Light Bundle, which is a box of their artisan chocolates (the Lover’s Box) and a divine sandalwood and vanilla candle. I was seriously impressed with the delivery - I ordered them on Monday evening and they were in Tassie by midday on Wednesday, packed in ice! These chocolates are unbelievable. Handmade in Byron Bay, vegan, free of all nasties, packed with superfood ingredients and natural flavours, I can’t get over how decadent and delicious they are. And seriously satisfying - Tom and I shared three between us and that was more than enough! I’ve not made my way through the whole box yet but my top three flavours so far are Coconut & Cashew with Vanilla, Dark Peppermint Creme with Matcha and Butter Caramel Pecan with Cinnamon. Seriously, I may never eat any other kind of chocolate again. If you love chocolate and want to treat yo self (and you should), I would highly recommend them.

Drinking

You guessed it - my favourite. Nothing like a proper chai this time of year.

Picking

The garden has been full of delicious things - the aforementioned potatoes, zucchini and beetroot, and yesterday I picked nearly 1kg of cherry tomatoes which went into my vegan ragu. I held out so little hope of the tomatoes going red that I hadn’t been to check on them for some time, and some of them had exploded from overripe-ness on the vine. Whoops!

I picked another kilo or so of figs, which have been roasted and frozen for winter porridge, but there are still a handful of them ripening on the branches. Some green beans, which I’ll pick to go with our shepherd’s pie this evening. It looks like we have a few pumpkins on the vine too.

My parents told me to go and pick some of their apples and tomatoes while they were away on the mainland, so I picked a bag of each. I stewed the apples with lots of cinnamon and vanilla into a delicious compote, which we’ve had with porridge most mornings, and the tomatoes became a kasundi, one of my signature condiments. I used to make it for neighbours and workmates in London who all loved it. It’s great made with tinned tomatoes as well as fresh. I use Anna Jones’ recipe.

I bought lots of basil from Hill Street Grocer today (on special!) so I think I’ll make a pesto with it together with the beetroot stalks and leaves. I also have a giant half of a red cabbage to do something with - I might make Nigella’s pickled red cabbage from Cook Eat Repeat.

Watching

As mentioned, Tom and I had a very Keanu-themed Easter thanks to my sudden interest (as mentioned above)! We watched John Wick (the first one), A Scanner Darkly and Street Kings, all on 4K BluRay. These sorts of films, it must be said, aren’t usually my cup of tea but it was fascinating to watch them taking particular note of how the roles Keanu Reeves plays are nearly always a comment on some variation of masculinity, and reflect the profound importance of kindness. Tom, of course, was thrilled that I wanted to watch these movies and dissect them from these particular angles! Film is his thing.

I always associate Easter with Little Women - very odd I know, as it’s more of a Christmas film - because the Gillian Armstrong directed version was released on video (!) at Easter when I was a teenager. My sisters and I watched it on Good Friday, eating our fish fingers and chips. For the longest time I was very protective of that particular version, I thought nothing could touch it (and I still think Christian Bale is a very charming Laurie) and I was sceptical when a new adaptation came out in 2019, even though it was written and directed by my best friend Greta Gerwig. But then I watched it. I should never have doubted Greta. It’s without question the best version of the story I’ve ever seen. So we watched that for our Good Friday movie and both laughed and cried, as usual! Utter perfection.

Succession (Binge) - after two very lacklustre episodes (we thought) to start Season 4, this week’s episode was a nail biter! A complete return to form for the series that both Tom and I were left reeling from! Who else has watched it?!

I’m also still making my way through a complete rewatch of Call the Midwife which is definitely my comfort watch (though there’s nearly always some dark tale at the heart of each episode). I adore it.

Wearing

It’s getting cold and therefore one needs SOCKS. I went to see Tracy and Jen at Red Parka in town, who sell delightful, colourful, warm and ethically-made bamboo socks. And I love that they have Tasmanian animals on them! I bought some fairy wren ones and some pademelons. I wasn’t sure if the 7-11 would fit me, as I am an 11, so I got the pademelons in an 11-14, just in case. I’m happy to report the 7-11 fit perfectly and the 11-14 are a little big, but both very comfortable and fun to wear either way!

I really love socks, I’ve discovered.

Another of my making-a-deadline rewards was this Ipsum Face Oil Intense which I’ve been wanting to try for a long time since I read about it in an article about winter skincare dos-and-don’ts (Spaced fans, you’ll get the joke I’m sure) a few years back. I’ve only been using it for about 10 days and it’s already giving me a glow. It may well be the best thing I’ve ever put on my face. It smells divine, full of lavender, chamomile and fragonia, and feels delightful and nourishing on the skin. Everything feels smoother since I’ve been using this oil. It’s just beautiful and I can imagine it will help keep my skin in good condition over winter. Ipsum very kindly included a full-size Cleansing Oil Balm with my order too, as that product has just recently won Best Skincare Product at The Best of The Green Edit Awards. I can see why, it’s also lovely and leaves my skin so soft! It also arrived within a week of ordering and I got a lovely personal email from the director of the company to thank me for my order. Supporting small businesses for the win!

Proud of

As mentioned, my darling husband studied hard and learned all about Australia’s history, system of government, culture and various other things for his citizenship test, which he got 100% on! We were both so thrilled and relieved. Not that I thought for a minute that he wouldn’t pass, but something of this nature always has a lot riding on it (I remember it well when I did my British citizenship test and interviews). I am more proud of him than I can say.

Quote of the week

“The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.” - Coco Chanel

If you’d like to share your thoughts on this post, or anything else, with me, please do! I hope you’ve been keeping well and that you’re also finding things in your life to savour and ponder, that give you pleasure and comfort.

Please note: this particular blog post does not contain any affiliate links. Usually I have affiliate links for books I mention but this week I couldn’t be bothered, haha! I’ve not been paid or asked to endorse anything in this post. Everything I’ve mentioned and linked to is a genuine recommendation - but that is always the case :)

this week and last week

The last strawberries!

Well, this week has turned into last week and last week turned into the week before last in the blink of an eye!

Sorry everyone. I have constant deadlines at the moment, as well as a few other stressful things happening behind the scenes which I don’t feel at liberty to discuss publicly so yes, needless to say, life has been and probably will continue to be hectic. But I’m trying to hold on to this space I’ve carved out for myself, to record the small details of life as I’m living it now. One day this will be the past and I’ll be glad I took the time to put it all down. One year can turn into five so quickly.

A few days ago we lit the fire in the house for the first time since December. It’s quite cold now in the evenings and the mornings - whenever the sun isn’t out, basically. I think I’ve picked the last strawberries. The autumnal air is still slightly tinged with the last breath of summer, but soon it will be woodsmoke, piles of leaves, earth being turned over.

This is an in-between time, I’ve come to realise - much like September is in the northern hemisphere, so is March in the south. Summer is definitely over, but we’re not quite in full-blown autumn yet. I’m still drinking crisp and cold white wine but craving the warmth and sweetness of a fruit crumble. Soaking up the sun, and even still sporting a tan in places, but also savouring the coziness of a favourite jumper, which is now always within easy reach.

highlights

Handing in 20,000 words to my supervisors, on time! I looked at the “Properties” of the Word document I submitted…7,076 minutes have been spent on the document, which translates to nearly 118 hours. It didn’t feel like it! And yet when my head hits the pillow every night, I sleep the sleep of the truly spent.

Writing and sipping tea in a colonial house merely metres away from where my character would have sipped tea too, two hundred years ago.

A catchup with a dear friend of 37 years over proper chai and vegan peanut butter cookies the size of our heads. I am godmother to her son, who will be 18 this year. It doesn’t feel that long ago that we were celebrating our own 18ths!

Figs I grew featured on the cheese platter! They were delicious with a piece of aged cashew cheese on top.

A much-loved aunt and uncle visiting from interstate, whom I hadn’t seen since 2019, coming round for drinks and nibbles. Like Tom and I, they have had to weather the tempests of other people’s opinions and judgements for taking unconventional paths in life, so it was really wonderful to spend a few hours catching up. I so enjoyed seeing them and feel very lucky to have them in my life. I think we’ll be a lot like this aunt and uncle in 30 years time…well, I hope so.

The open garden scheme run by Home Harvest last weekend, where we got to see five local backyard gardens and what the clever inhabitants had managed to achieve with them. I loved seeing pear and apple trees laden with fruit, beans climbing up frames, abundant patches of kale, silverbeet, beetroot, tomatoes and snow peas. I was so inspired. And reassured to see that many other Hobart gardeners have rogue pumpkins and potatoes too!

Reading

Just a few books I’ve devoured when I’ve not been chained to my desk…

I want to make particular note of Alison Croggon’s Monsters which might be my favourite book I’ve read this year. I devoured it in a day, could barely tear myself away from it. It was so poetically and cleverly written - taking the personal (a painful estrangement from her sister) and placing it within a wider global and cultural context, exploring how the “monsters” of racism, colonialism, privilege, white supremacy, and patriarchy have played out in the family history and in the eventual broken and dysfunctional dynamic Alison found herself in and how these attitudes have shaped her. She writes about how life for most white people who have grown up in the structures of colonialism and patriarchy becomes a series of convenient fictions, because we can’t find it in ourselves to truly acknowledge what horrific systems we are a part of - this is true of dysfunctional families as well. Alison thoughtfully and unflinchingly considers the “monsters” of her own life and psyche, her family and colonial Britain, which of course includes Australia, and, naturally, there are no neat endings or easy answers. It’s fascinating. I highly, highly recommend it.

I’ve also been enjoying Tamar Adler’s An Everlasting Meal which was mentioned in Diem Tran’s excellent newsletter a few weeks back. It’s all about cooking with economy and grace, with so many ideas for making the most of ingredients. I am loving it! Perfect bedtime reading.

The Guardian: Seven tips for eating well on a solo budget and yet another stolen generation.

Women’s Agenda: Michelle Yeoh’s epic win and call to women and girls (don’t let anyone ever tell you you’re past your prime!)

The Weekend Australian: A profile of one of my favourite novelists, who has a memoir coming out, and it sounds fascinating.

Listening to

I have been really enjoying Sarah Cahill’s The Future is Female, a three-volume series which celebrates and highlights women composers from the 17th century to the present day. It’s all piano music too, which I love! Wonderful writing music.

My inner autumn playlist, which naturally then went into winter, and now spring! But because the weather is so autumnal, I’m leaning back on the autumn playlist. I may or may not have mentioned but Tom and I use TIDAL, which is to our minds the most ethical of the current music streaming services, in that it does pay the artists.

PICKING

What the garden gave me one Thursday afternoon…..

The garden has been surprisingly prolific! The fig tree has been full of ripe fruit. I have given two bags away to a neighbour and a friend, and still have managed to have one or two each day sliced on pancakes, into a smoothie or just enjoyed on its own. Yesterday I picked another bowl:

Which I then roasted with white wine, brown sugar, cinnamon and star anise. They turned out beautifully and are so delicious. They’re now being stored in the fridge for this week’s breakfasts. I’ll be eating them with coconut yoghurt and granola, or on top of porridge. Yum!

I was also happy to see some of my own tomatoes in the garden finally turning red!

Picked quite a few zucchini too, which I’ve used in my cooking throughout the week. There are at least three more budding on the plant in the garden.

And then I woke up this morning to find a bag of vegetables - kale, silverbeet, more zucchini and more tomatoes - from my parents on the doorstep. They must have come past at an hour they knew we’d still be in bed! Kale and silverbeet are going in a soup tonight and the tomatoes might get made into a kasundi….

Eating

The last few weeks’ cooking and eating has been centred around making the most of the seasonal produce! I roasted a big tray of vegetables, which we enjoyed with pan-fried gnocchi; sautéed zucchini into buttery softness which becomes a wonderful pasta sauce; made bruschetta which is my favourite way to enjoy a glut of fresh tomatoes, from my garden or someone else’s; turned leftover porridge into pancakes which I topped with tahini, maple syrup, coconut yoghurt and fresh figs from the tree; a tofu scramble which was divine; a butter bean curry from Natural Flava which was delicious but so hot (1 tablespoon of curry powder next time rather than two, I think!)

I also did some baking with my zucchini and fig glut this weekend - chocolate courgette/zucchini cake from The Vegan Baking Bible with a lovely chocolate ganache icing on top, the usual banana bread with grated zucchini added, and the aforementioned roasted figs with spices and a pinot gris we didn’t like enough to drink but seems to be OK to cook with. In the banana bread and the figs, I used my favourite spice which was sent as a surprise from a kind friend in Melbourne. It arrived on a day I really needed cheering up and while she could not possibly have known that, she also somehow did in the way that kindred spirits always do.

And, of course, there were a few nights were we were too exhausted to do anything other than cook frozen dumplings or heat up leftover pasta and fall into a TV stupor! No need for photos of that. But know that it happens!

Drinking

Chai. Proper chai. It’s all I want to drink in autumn.

Watching

We got Binge in anticipation of the new season of Succession so not only have we rewatched season 3 so we remember what’s happened (!) but we finally caught up on the 2022 season of Masterchef UK, which has been one of my favourite shows for years. It was superb! Really loved seeing John and Gregg again, how well they nurture talent, and how inclusive this series was - it made me very happy to see a Deaf woman in the heats (it would have made my grandmother very happy too). It made me a little homesick for the UK too - or maybe nostalgic is the better word. Seeing familiar brands of foodstuffs I used to buy (though they always blur out the logos?!), remembering dishes I used to cook and the kinds of wonderful and different ingredients you could get. Great fun!

Likewise, have used getting Binge as an excuse to catch up on Call the Midwife, which is as wonderful and comforting and heart-wrenching as ever. One of my favourites!

As for films, I adored Maggie’s Plan, which Tom surprised me with - wonderfully written and acted, and really thought provoking. I love films set in New York City with quirky characters who are writers and academics, so this film was me to a tee.

It was a nice antidote to In Bruges, which we both watched for the first time the night before. I remember posters for it being all over the tube in London in 2008 when it first came out, but we never saw it until now. It was a bit too violent for me and hadn’t aged well - very homophobic with lots of ableist and fatphobic slurs that are just simply unacceptable, even if you’re trying to illustrate how repugnant a character is. Apparently, it’s supposed to symbolise purgatory - a setting that has always fascinated me, ever since I read T.S Eliot’s The Wasteland way back when. So even though The Banshees of Inisherin has won a lot of acclaim and I’m intrigued, as it’s the same team, I’m not sure it will be my cup of tea! But we’ll see.

We also watched Ford vs Ferrari which I surprisingly enjoyed. The race was a nail biter!

Wearing/ USING

I’ve been writing with my new metallic lilac Lamy fountain pen, which I treated myself to with some of my Van Diemen History Prize prize money. Every time I write with it, I try and remind myself I am an award-winning writer. It quiets the inner critic who has certainly not disappeared. I’m determined to keep it at bay and allow gratitude, humility and hope to be my guiding stars.

It keeps dawning on me - I am in what is likely my final year of my PhD. I am really trying to enjoy it because I have actually been working towards this my entire life. I want to remember as much and soak up as much as I can, and not be robbed of my pleasure and joy by fear, anxiety and self doubt, as I have been for so many years. I have let those things keep me small for long enough. I have also let the judgment of insecure people in the cheap seats keep me small for long enough. Now, the idea of playing small is more painful than the vulnerability of putting my hand up, of saying things out loud. It’s more painful than the risk that I’ll give it everything and it still won’t be enough. I don’t care about that anymore. I do not want to look back on this time with regrets. I want to make the most of every opportunity. People have said “if you don’t believe in yourself, you can’t expect anyone else to” to me for years but I finally understand how very, very true that is. And let’s face it, self doubt just gets very fucking boring after a while!

Grateful for

Everything. Like I said above, I’m trying to make gratitude my default position, even in the face of painful or inconvenient happenings. It really helps.

Quote of the week

“Half of life is lost in charming others. The other half is lost in going through anxieties caused by others. Leave this play. You’ve played enough.” - Rumi

If you’d like to share your thoughts on this post, or anything else, with me, please do! I hope you’re enjoying it getting warmer where you are, or finding things to savour about autumn as it gets cooler, like me! See you soon xx

Please note: this blog post has affiliate links with retailers such as Booktopia which means I may receive a commission for a sale that I refer, at no extra cost to you.

this summer

The view from Wendy’s Secret Garden in Sydney, where I was a few weeks ago.

The longer I put off writing a catch-up post, the longer the draft gets! And now we’re at the end of the Australian summer. I saw autumn leaves scattered on the pavement on my walk the other day and almost groaned out loud in indignation! I love autumn but I’m really not ready for summer to be over just yet.

But that’s the thing about the seasons, you can’t stop them from turning. They have their time and then have to give way for the next one. All we can do is make the most of them.

It has been a summer of fun, hard work, adventure, sun, books, words, friends, music, planting and harvesting. A summer of being brave, of being curious, of filling the well.

Grab a drink - warm or cold, depending on what it’s like where you are - and get ready for the mother of all catchup posts!

Favourite experiences of the summer

Every visit to the beach. Lying on a towel, refreshed from the ocean, a warm breeze drying my skin, looking up at that brilliant blue sky.

Shakespeare in the Gardens. This was a wonderful evening, watching one of my favourite Shakespeare plays, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, performed in the open air, under the trees which lit up as the sun set and night came. Tom and I sat happily among a few hundred other people on picnic blankets, having a lovely time. I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed a Shakespeare performance so much - the language was so beautiful and poetic, and I didn’t find myself switching off like I usually do with Shakespeare because the language is usually a bit too ornate, even for me! It was such a lively and engaging performance. I hope this will become a summer tradition for us.

Sydney. My first time in the city since November 2019, and what a joyful reunion it was. I went for work and so spent most of it doing research - site visits and working at the archives. I didn’t really tell anyone I was there apart from two friends, who I was overjoyed to see again. The rest of the time I spent alone, working, reading 200 year old letters and documents, deep in thought about my project, writing until 1am, soaking up as much art and culture and history as I could. It was my first time away from Tom in over three years too, so that was very strange! But despite missing him so very much, I had the most incredible time. I have to say, being able to travel interstate freely again feels wondrous! It’s crazy to think that this time two years ago our state’s borders were still closed to most of the country. It feels surreal now. But it ensured I didn’t take a moment of being in Sydney for granted.

Elizabeth Farm in Parramatta was one of the highlights of the trip. It’s an incredible place, where time has stood still, where history is made tactile and immersive. The chairs can be sat on, the beds laid on, doors opened, objects can be touched. It was as if the Macarthurs had slipped out to tend to the sheep, and I was just wandering around, looking at their lives. The guides were amazing, particularly one who had heard of my subject! “You’re the first person I’ve encountered since 2008 who’s heard of her!” she told me. This particular lady was very lovely and generous with her time, and showed me many hidden gems that other visitors walk right past.

The Art Gallery of New South Wales remains one of my favourites: Wednesday was late opening night, so when the archives closed at 6pm, I packed up and walked right over! It was pretty busy, hence my mask. Wandering around a gallery is one of my favourite things to do, with someone or alone, so I had a lovely time. I particularly enjoyed the From Here, For Now exhibit (and took selfies with the Tracey Emins, above!), the Daniel Boyd exhibit, and the 20th Century Galleries in general, particularly 15 gunshots… by Xiao Lu. The perfect Artist Date, really. My mind was buzzing with ideas, concepts and inspiration. The Sydney Festival was also getting started but I sadly didn’t catch the Frida Kahlo immersive biography, as it was booked out (unsurprisingly)!

Instead, on my last day, as the rain poured down and I could swear I saw steam rise from the hot pavements, I immersed myself in Brett Whiteley’s Studio not far from where I was staying in Surry Hills. It was AMAZING. I didn’t know much about Whiteley at all before this trip and now I’m a bit obsessed! I also visited Wendy’s Secret Garden, the stunning natural wild garden in Lavender Bay that is owned and maintained by his widow, and that is open to the public.

Working in the archives in Sydney was incredible, as expected. Having been prevented from visiting them in person for years because of the pandemic and all the interstate travel restrictions that existed for the longest time, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever get there again before my thesis was due. I was deeply grateful to be there. The staff were kind and helpful, and I saw everything I wanted to see. There’s a lot of boxes of “documents relating to the settlement of Tasmania” in the Mitchell Library, which aren’t very specific so one has to sift through so much stuff in case there’s a hidden treasure in there. And I did find some! The whole trip was so fruitful for my work and I returned to Hobart absolutely itching to start putting everything together.

Mona Foma! It was fantastic. We watched lots of great musical acts, drank fabulous wine, and really let our hair down for the first time in what has felt like years. Well, it has been years! I didn’t wear a mask once. It felt so wonderful to be out again, properly, seeing live music for the first time since January 2020, to mingle with fellow humans and seeing everyone happy and buzzing (it was a great crowd, no dramas or weirdos, and no insurmountable queues). It felt like a return to old times, but with everyone more mindful, more conscious that being able to do this - go to a festival, see live music, dance in a throng of people under the stars - was something we really used to take for granted. We now know how easily those joys and privileges can be taken away.

Reading

I wrote a separate post about Rebecca May Johnson’s Small Fires: An Epic in the Kitchen which is one of my books of the year so far - it’s just so brilliant and intriguing. I wish I could write about food and life in the way Johnson does, taking the everyday act of cooking and following a recipe and linking it to classic literature, psychology, histories of oppression, philosophy, the self, and what the food we cook says about all of that, and us.

I got some wonderful cookbooks for Christmas and have been steadily cooking my way through them for most of the summer - see the Eating section for more!

I am a huge fan of the Sydney Review of Books and so when I saw their latest anthology of essays, I knew I would love it - and I did. Open Secrets, Essays on the Writing Life is a collection from a wide variety of writers - some known to me, some not - about various aspects of their writing lives. Some are about one memorable turning point, others about the contents of their days and brains as they navigate the ups and downs of writing. As a writer, you cannot help but feel seen and understood reading a collection like this. Most of them were pandemic-tinged, unsurprisingly, which still made for fascinating reading. Standouts for me were the essays by Lauren Carroll Harris (boy, did I relate hard to that one), Laura Elizabeth Woollett, Fiona Kelly McGregor and Eda Gunaydin, but I particularly loved Oliver Mol’s essay, “La Vida”, which was an odyssey-like journey from Sydney to Barcelona, where Oliver is trying desperately to write a book he’s been thinking about for years, now he has the freedom to do so, and finds he cannot. And yet, around every corner, are coincidences and signs that he is being encouraged and supported, that he is a writer, even if the actual writing is proving temporarily elusive. I wiped away tears and felt viscerally in my body the self harm Oliver does to himself in a fit of helplessness and confusion at his perceived inability to cope, as my younger self had similar moments. And I rejoiced in his eventual realisation that “our only objective is firmly, and with great attention, to continue; to kindly, sincerely, try” (p.121) and how he learns to write without pressure, without expectation of outcome, meaning or purpose. Highly recommended!

Speaking of Sydney, I had a wonderful time walking through the bookshops there. So many favourites! Elizabeth’s in Newtown welcomed me back like we’d never been apart and, predictably, I spent hours there combing their packed shelves for treasures. During my trip I read Fiona McGregor’s A Novel Idea, which is the photographic documentation of McGregor writing her novel Indelible Ink over several years, which was fascinating; Between Us, a Women of Letters book that I didn’t have in my collection; and The Courage to Write: How Writers Transcend Fear which covered a lot of familiar ground but was still a good read, I think I’m just addicted to books about writing, really.

The Guardian: Why one woman is drumming for 100 hours over 10 days - we caught Chloe Kim’s final hour of her performance on Sunday at Mona Foma and she was quite extraordinary. This is a great article about endurance in art and music performance.

I am a huge Fawlty Towers fan but I think remaking it is a truly terrible idea - and I’m not the only one.

I’m enjoying Jessie Tu’s modern analysis of classic 1990s films for Women’s Agenda - she’s done Sister Act and Mrs Doubtfire so far.

This New Yorker article was….bizarre.

Vanity Fair: Monica Lewinsky shared 25 life lessons on the 25th anniversary of her name, and life, becoming one of the most scrutinised/villified of the late twentieth century (and all the years afterwards). Monica would be one of my dream dinner party guests; she seems like an incredibly grounded person who is empathetic, intelligent and a lot of fun. I loved all her tips but particularly #22.

The Conversation: ‘Something that happens in fiction’: romance writer Susan Meachen’s ‘fake death’ reminds us that the author is a construct by Ika Willis - OMG, Bad Art Friend, hold my beer. The romance writer who faked her own death and came back to Facebook as if nothing had happened is next-level twisted. I enjoyed Ika Willis’ literary studies take on it!

Also on The Conversation: an interesting analysis of the potato shortage that plagued Australia for much of the summer and Melanie Saward’s favourite fictional character is Queenie.

The Spectator: What a voice Plath had – stern yet somehow musical, long-vowelled, bear-like: Radio 4’s My Sylvia Plath - on 11 February it was 60 years since Plath’s death, so I also spent some time on the wonderful Gail Crowther’s website, especially Sylvia Plath, Safe Spaces, and the Violation of Women.

Finally, Room on the Broom, many times over, with our darling niece - we got it for her for Christmas and she is OBSESSED. It’s a wondrous thing to have a child in your life who loves to read as much as you do. I think it needs to be encouraged at all costs!

Listening to

At the start of the year, I decided to mix things up a bit with my writing music, which was almost completely dominated by my beloved Ludovico Einaudi and Nils Frahm. Every month, my most played artist on Tidal was Ludovico, by a mile! Nothing wrong with that of course, but when January 1 clicked over, I was suddenly seized by a desire for new and different, to shake up my creative practice a bit. If I listen to the same things, watch the same things, absorb the same things, I won’t be changed. My work won’t expand in the ways it needs to.

So I made a new writing playlist for myself - nouveau pour l’écriture - full of new piano discoveries, mostly by women composers and performers. Sophie Hutchings, Grace Ferguson, Alice Baldwin, Poppy Ackroyd, Olivia Belli, Emilie Levienaise-Farrouch, and more! It’s been wonderful to surround myself with the sounds I love but with new melodies and energies. I highly recommend all of them.

I also made a Sydney playlist - something I love to do when I travel is make a playlist of songs I hear while I’m there. In a cafe or bar, in a shop, on the street, in the hotel lobby. Shazam on the iPhone is a godsend! These songs will always make me think of this trip!

As for podcasts…..there have been a few.

The First Time: Summer Series - A beginning & Claire G Coleman and Summer Series: Helen Garner

Books and Travel: Solo Walking the Camino De Santiago Portuguese Coastal Route with J.F Penn, Thoughts From the Pilgrims’ Way

The Creative Penn: Writing Tips: How Character Flaws Shape Story with Will Storr (Will Storr’s work was recommended by my PhD supervisor)

The Art of Work: Classicist and bestselling writer Dame Mary Beard on what she has learnt about power - this was an excellent interview with a woman I very much admire. She said something that has stayed with me in the weeks since I listened to it: that resilience is a very underrated/undervalued virtue these days, that life is tough and of course it would be great if the world only had nice, supportive people in it but the reality is, it doesn’t. You’ve got to carry on regardless.

The Imperfects: Santa Claus - A Special Vulnerability House - this was hilarious. Glenn Robbins playing Santa Claus, getting worried phone calls from Rudolph because the sleigh is in a no standing zone…genius!

James and Ashley Stay At Home: Digging into shame with Hayley Scrivenor and all the mini-episodes about Ashley’s new novel Dark Mode, which I can’t wait to read!

Writer’s Book Club Podcast: This kept me company while I was in Sydney. The Kate Forsyth episode was the standout one for me - I will be listening to it again, with a notebook alongside. I also very much enjoyed the Hannah Kent and Nigel Featherstone interviews.

The Rich Roll Podcast: my friend Mary, who I was lucky enough to see while I was in Sydney, got me on to this! I loved the Seth Godin, Mel Robbins and Rick Rubin episodes.

Akimbo: Once I heard the Rich Roll interview with Seth, I needed more so I listened to his own podcast, particularly enjoying the Genius, It’s not about the chocolate and Blogs and Platforms and Permission episodes.

All The Small Things: Natasha Lunn on love and friendship and Is wellness just another fashion trend? with Rina Raphael

The Guilty Feminist: Phoebe Waller-Bridge at the Royal Festival Hall

Daisy is Insatiable: Shahroo Izadi - I’ve been really captivated by Shahroo and her work, but I’m not going to list all the interviews with her I’ve listened to over the summer because I’ll probably look like a bit of a stalker, haha! But this one was probably the best.

Wellness with Ella (formerly the Deliciously Ella podcast): I’ve got back into this in a big way! Really enjoyed all the episodes I’ve caught up on, especially Happiness, Change and Emotional Resilience, Jay Shetty: the untold journey, Ella on finding purpose and putting mental health first and Jake Humphrey: the power of optimism.

Eating

The cinnamon scroll from the all-vegan Sydney patisserie, Miss Sina. Run, don’t walk!

Obviously, the food in Sydney was AMAZING. I’ve written all about my favourite Sydney vegan eats for Onya magazine - as I ate my way around the city and slowly amassed a list of must-trys, places I definitely wanted to return to with Tom on our next trip, I thought that surely this information would be useful for others too. Once a journo, always a journo - I pitched the idea to Sandi at Onya, she said yes almost immediately, so now there’s a whole vegan series in the works. Melbourne, unsurprisingly, is next!

But here’s what else I’ve been cooking and eating at home over the summer:

• For Christmas treats, I made vegan gingerbread truffles, Nigella’s sticky vegan gingerbread and the now famous Oreo brownies

• Tomato orzo one-pan bake (from The Green Roasting Tin with a few amends)

• Spicy tempeh sushi and a vegan cheese platter for Christmas Eve Eve (sushi recipe from Veganomicon, which I picked up in NYC in 2015)

• Rick’s pasta for Christmas Eve dinner - we were inspired by The Holiday and how Miles and Iris eat “Christmas Eve fettuccine” - like them, we ate pasta, popped some bubbly and celebrated being young and being alive!

• Caesar salad with crispy chickpea croutons from Moby’s Little Pine cookbook, one of my Christmas presents

• Asparagus and romesco aioli pizza, made on the barbecue - a variation on a recipe also in Moby’s Little Pine cookbook

• Jerk lentil burgers (from Natural Flava)

• Pickled avocado - OMG, life changing! Great to put on burgers (from Cooking from the Spirit by Tabitha Brown)

• Sweet potato curry with jollof rice (from Natural Flava)

• Potato and broad bean quesadillas - broad beans grown by me!

• Silken tofu summer breakfast bowls - these are so wonderful! If you want a refreshing and delicious summer breakfast, you have to try them.

• Mexican rice bowls with black beans, guac, corn, salad, etc - these have been a staple meal all summer ever since I had a delicious similar meal at Bad Hombres in Sydney. So filling, so healthy, so delicious!

• Callaloo pesto pasta (from Natural Flava)

• Roast carrot and sweet potato rice paper rolls with homemade satay sauce

• Mango coleslaw (from Natural Flava)

• Tempeh “shwarma”, something I just made up and it was delicious!

• Butterscotch pudding from Moby’s Little Pine cookbook (really nice!)

• Muesli tahini flapjacks/breakfast bars

• Deliciously Ella’s orzo (risoni) recipes from the app - we tried a mushroom miso one and a red pepper tahini one, both amazing!

• Chargrilled broccolini with pesto linguine

• An EPIC quinoa salad I made up, featuring green beans from the garden, roasted pumpkin, and tofu ‘feta’ which was amazing. I made it for my friend Anne who came round for dinner one baking hot night. Served with an Imago sourdough baguette alongside, it was quite the feast.

I also made apricot and vanilla jam and dried apricots (on the dehydrate function on my air fryer) with the four or so kilograms I got from a farm across the river. No fruit on the family trees this year! Most jars of the jam have been given as gifts, I have one left for me. And the dried apricots were the best ones I’ve ever had, and made my garage (where the air fryer lives) smell like my grandparents’ house did.

Drinking

A Red Corvette cocktail at Wrest Point’s Birdcage Bar, which I hadn’t been to or had since perhaps 2003. It tasted just the same as I remembered and went down all too easily!

I got hooked on bubble tea while I was in Sydney - I know, why did it take me so long to try it? Gong Cha was my favourite place to get one and I was delighted to find out they have a branch in Hobart too. QQ Passionfruit is my favourite flavour, followed by Lychee Oolong.

Above, me with an Aperol Spritz at Mona Foma! A bright drink to go with my bright outfit, haha! They always make me think of trips to Berlin.

Finally, pandan soy milk at Han Phuc Vegan in Sydney - surprisingly good! Sweet, creamy and refreshing.

PICKING

Over the summer I’ve harvested strawberries, potatoes, garlic, peas, green beans, broad beans, zucchini, and silverbeet on the regular. The caterpillars got my kale, boo. We also have random pumpkins taking over the entire garden! Beetroots are starting to look good and soon we’ll have even more potatoes. The fig tree’s branches are heavy with fruit that’s slowly going from green to purple. The tomatoes are plentiful but still green on the vine. Never mind, I have a great green tomato pickle recipe if they don’t end up being coaxed into their fullest, reddest expression.

Watching

The Crown (BluRay and Netflix) - we decided to watch the entire series again before embarking on Season 5, so we went right back to the wonderful Claire Foy and Matt Smith beginning. Seasons 1 and 2 really are the best, in my opinion!

We had a bit of an Edgar Wright season and watched Baby Driver (Amazon Prime) and Last Night in Soho (Amazon Prime) back to back. Enjoyed both very much, but I preferred Baby Driver out of the two.

I’ve got back into Call the Midwife (ABC iview and Binge) in a big way, as it’s a bit of a comfort watch for me - well, I say that, every episode is hard-hitting in its own way. Every episode makes me cry, even if it’s just a routine birth where nothing goes wrong! It’s an emotional release of sorts, I think.

Wearing

I’ve been wearing this running top I got in Sydney non-stop - it even kind of works with my Kemi Telford skirts!

I’ve also been wearing this beautiful perfume that Tom got for Christmas and it’s been my scent of the summer, though I can see it working well for winter too, with its smoky and leathery notes of oud and amber. I also love Goldfield and Banks’ Sunset Hour which smells of peach, mandarin, raspberry and ginger - absolutely stunning scent for warm weather. Confession, I have nearly all of the Goldfield and Banks range! They make incredible perfumes. Seven years ago, the perfume tray on my dressing table was nearly all Jo Malone bottles and now I’m well and truly in my Goldfield and Banks era! I am happy to skimp on makeup but on scent, never.

Other favourite wearables this summer have been our ally-friendly Always Was Always Will Be shirts from Clothing the Gaps, replacement running shoes (I just bought exactly the same ones!) and this jumpsuit from Tassie designers Keshet, very much a head turner like the one I bought this time last year! As seen on me in the pics at Mona Foma 💚

Grateful for

A fun start to what I think is going to be an interesting year.

Quote of the SUMMER

“Seek joy” has really been my quote of the summer, as it was the attitude I decided to go into this year with. But this quote really spoke to me when I came across it in the pages of a book that I now can’t recall the name of.

I’ve been thinking about this concept of belonging to yourself a lot, particularly as 2022 ended and the new year began. It’s now been over a year since I stepped away from personal social media and I can see how much I’ve changed. How much kinder I am to myself, how much stronger I feel, how unafraid I am to set boundaries. Stronger in the broken places too - some difficult things that happened now belong to “last year”, or even the year before. Time has given me the gift of perspective, and perspective has given me strength.

So, that has been the start to my 2023. Working hard but also taking every chance I can to enjoy life.

If you’d like to hit the button below and let me know what you think, or what you’ve been up to in 2023 so far, please do - I would love to hear from you.

I hope you’ve had a fun, relaxing and memorable summer, or a restorative winter, depending on where you are in the world. Stay safe and well, until next week, when normal programming will resume! xx

Please note: this blog post has affiliate links with retailers such as Booktopia which means I may receive a commission for a sale that I refer, at no extra cost to you.

publishing the ghosts: after the finish line

In 2015, when we were still living in the UK and The Latte Years was a few months away from being a real live book, I was thrilled to have an article accepted by a publication that I loved. It was a magazine about how to make both a living and a life, full of empowering, inspiring stories of interesting people and how they got to where they are.

After my story was submitted, I got a strange but breezy email back saying that things were up in the air and they’d let me know - by the end of the year, the magazine had sadly disappeared. The words I wrote never saw the light of day.

I’ve been looking through some old folders and hard drives over the past few days, and I found the article. After The Latte Years, it was the second thing I ever wrote on my MacBook Air, in Pages! It’s very much of the mindset I had when I wrote it, almost like a little time machine. It was never edited, and most definitely could have done with a going-over. In the intervening years I have become painfully aware of my natural tendency towards long sentences!

But what the hell - as one of my writing goals for 2022 was to “publish all the ghosts”, rather than find an alternative home for it or rework it significantly with seven years hindsight, I thought I would honour the hopeful, forward-looking me that wrote it and share it here.

After the finish line

What's next? is a question I’ve been trying to answer for as long as I can remember.

I was a straight A student at school and university, so it seemed there was always another hoop to jump through, another pat on the head I was waiting for. While I was very driven (good) I was very dependent on external validation to feel good about myself (not good). To say the real world hit me hard after graduation is something of an understatement. I went through a period of major stagnation in my early twenties where my physical health deteriorated and my lifelong ambition of being a writer was all but shelved. 

I took up endurance sport nearly ten years ago to shift a few pounds and negotiate the aftermath of a painful divorce at the fairly young age of 25.  When I crossed the finish line of the London Marathon in 2011, I had never been so proud of myself. My thighs were taut with muscle, my heart soared with joy as I had surely conquered the ultimate physical feat. I didn’t know if I wanted to ever run another marathon - the training had taken over my life and I’d had no time to write.

But what on earth would I do next? As a born overachiever, the fact I didn’t have an answer to this question didn't sit well. 

A year after the marathon, I was now a full time writer after a well-timed redundancy, but despite having taken the biggest leap of faith of my life, things were not going well. I had come dead last in a trail half marathon (a race harder than the marathon had ever been), money was running low and it looked like my biggest dream, publishing a book, was never going to happen as my hopeful queries to agents and publishers were met with rejection after rejection. 

 On New Year’s Eve 2012, with my confidence in tatters, I did a manifestation exercise where I wrote a letter to myself from my 2015 self. What would she say? What was life like now? What words of encouragement could I give myself, based on where I hoped I would be in three years time?

I found the letter the other day. It’s so accurate it’s frightening. 

2015 has been a big year for me, possibly the biggest of my life. Since my agent rang me with the news in March, I’ve surfed a giant wave of publisher deadlines, edits, cover designs, fitting in writing a 100,000 word book around a full time job within three months, not to mention the fear of exposure that comes with having a book that contains such a raw personal story out there in the world. But my heart is soaring. Fear is a luxury I daren’t indulge in.  My memoir The Latte Years will be published in January 2016. 

 Just like when I finished the marathon, I’m pondering the same question. What am I going to do now? What do you do once you realise your biggest dream in life? The similarities between writers and athletes never fail to amaze and amuse me, and so I have been negotiating this time for my work and creative practice the same way I approached the aftermath of completing a marathon.

I have had to find ways to get “goal hungry” again both after success and after failure. Both scenarios require gentleness and asking questions and setting intentions from a place of love rather than fear. 

This is what has helped me so far:

Put your feet up

 A wonderful running coach, Martin Yelling, told me to “put your slippers on and have a well deserved rest” after the marathon. He’s a wise man - often the best thing we can do after achieving something massive is let the dust settle, take stock and, for heaven’s sake, RELAX. 

Detach

 This has been key to my personal growth as well as my creative work. Keeping my self belief while detaching from desired outcomes and expectations is trickier than it sounds but it can be done. Sometimes you need to detach from an old identity too. Many of us cling to old personas that don’t always reflect who we are now. It’s very tempting to call myself a marathon runner forever more but while that achievement can never be taken away from me, I can’t keep measuring myself against it either.  It reminds me that achievements come and go in the fullness of time, but life goes on. Nothing you leave behind will ever be truly lost if it is relevant to your future. Trust that. 

Manifest (or visualise)

An essential technique for successful athletes is visualising their moment of glory. Not just what they can see, but how do they feel?  I’ve found doing the same thing immensely helpful for my creative goals. The great paradox about the creative life is that you cannot ever possibly know what the outcome of your efforts will be - and I truly believe that’s a good thing - but writing down what I wanted to achieve in the voice of a future self who had already achieved it was a powerful exercise. It helped me visualise where I wanted to be, work out my priorities and feel gratitude for how far I’d come. It also gave me some clues as to how I was going to get there from that moment in time, dejected and wondering if I should just throw in the towel.

 If you’re struggling to figure out what’s next for you, really recommend trying it. I’m not saying all you have to do is write down what you want and it will happen like magic. We all know life doesn’t work that way. But what does work is getting really clear about who you are and what you want (and who you’re not and what you don’t) and then taking some action. A little imagination doesn’t hurt either. 

Trust

 It’s easy to fret our lives away, looking for our next achievement. The current culture of social media does little to reassure us that everything doesn’t have to be instagrammable, and if you can’t apply the #blessed hashtag to your life then you’re doing something wrong. 

In those near three years, I didn’t look at what I’d written in that letter from my future self once, but I did remember how authentic the voice sounded. Future Me was on to something, I decided. I would trust that all would be well. I would put my faith in the universe to deliver. Even if it meant I had nothing to instagram but my breakfast in the meantime.  

Take action

 I think this is the step many of us have trouble with - I certainly did for the first half of my life. It’s easy to want - it’s the doing that’s the hard bit. You have to keep your end of the bargain. Everything is a choice, including doing nothing. 

 For me, action was a conscious act of surrender and letting go. I decided to stop for a while and listen, take notice, instead of pushing so hard all the time. I no longer had any grandiose ideas, no project I thought would be my “game changer”. But every day, I got up and committed myself to my practice, just as a runner puts on her shoes and runs every day. Even if it was just Morning Pages, I was “in training”. I was a marathon writer. 

Be true to yourself

 For me, the question “what next?” has to be answered by examining your own motives. I’m a goal-oriented person by nature and while this is not necessarily a bad thing, it was crucial for me to get a balance between goals that were truly authentic and goals I was pursuing because I thought I “should” or that would earn me admiration from others.  

Experience has taught me that things get clearer, or solutions present themselves, when you stop and enjoy the view for a while. In fact, that is the only reason to climb the mountain. Don’t worry about whether others can see you on top of it – do it for the fun of the climb and, above all, let yourself enjoy the view once you get there.  The next mountain can wait, just for now.

what if we recharged ourselves as often as we did our phones?

What if we recharged ourselves as often as we did our phones? 

I like to keep busy. I’m not great at sitting still. Given a choice I’d rather be doing something than nothing. Give me a week off and I’ll fill it with day trips and walks and visits to pubs and galleries. And I love it. I love stimulation. But that’s not always what you need, is it? 

An unexpected flare up of an old wound saw me track down my old osteopath at her new digs at Kuu London for an hour of muscle manipulation and massage yesterday. I cried on the table, and it was much needed. Maybe keeping busy had distracted me. Maybe it has always distracted me.

And while I keep myself occupied and always find things to do...I’m not always very kind to myself. I tell myself I don’t need a massage, or quiet time. I meditate every morning...and it’s only recently I’ve stopped doing the guided ones and started sitting there in silence with only my breath for company. It’s uncomfortable. Lying there, having sore parts prodded and touched, was uncomfortable. No wonder I cried. I’ve forgotten how to do uncomfortable. 

Shoulder loosened and no longer in pain, I took my time going home. It was a sunny day and east London is full of beauty, characters and things to see. I found a new journal at Erbert (and got great tips on how to unclog my old fountain pen! Cheers Paul!) and treated myself to a brownie and iced tea at the Violet bakery.

I picked a table by the kitchen window so I could breathe in the heavenly smell of baking. I had nowhere else to be and for a change I felt calm, unhurried, unpressured. As a result, I lingered.

I took an obligatory photo or two then put the phone away. I wrote. I savoured every sweet, nutty, salty bite of my halva tahini brownie. I looked around. There were more dogs than cars in this quiet street, trotting alongside their owners. It was sunny, and with the warm cake-infused air I might have almost believed it was still summer.

As I ate the last crumb of brownie and walked to the train, I felt lighter. Battery not quite full, but recharged nonetheless. 

We so often wait for a wake up call before we’ll prioritise looking after ourselves, before we listen to our aching bodies and souls. Saturday was a good reminder to me to not put off self care until the pain is unbearable. But also, I don’t have to be in pain to be worthy of kindness and small treats. Those are the things that make life sweeter.

So this week, I’m going to try and treat myself more like my phone - and hopefully get my battery sufficiently recharged.