How small we are compared to the vastness of nature.
I found myself pondering paradoxes, contrasts and dualities this week - how we think things are compared to how they actually are. How on Monday morning I read The Guardian in bed with a coffee, shaken at the news of rising inflation and cost of living, the likes that have not been seen for 30 years in this country; and then headed to work at my desk, where my inbox was overflowing with click frenzy sales for items I didn’t need from merchants I suppose I must have given my email address to but whose wares I have no use for at this point in time. Conflicting messages from every direction. How hard it can be to keep one’s head amongst it all.
I also thought about how being back in Tasmania has warped time for me, in some respects. I am not the 24-year-old who left, though many people treat me as though I am. As though a pause button was somehow pressed (where is it? How do I find it?!), as though everything that has happened to me over the past seventeen years happened to someone else. Oddly, sometimes my life does feel like it did then, as though it is yet to really get going. But unlike when I was actually 24, there’s lots of promise and potential, that I try to maximise at every opportunity. I was therefore surprised to look up the details of a Young Tasmanian Writer’s Fellowship and discover that I didn’t qualify - in fact, the cut-off for me qualifying was age 30, well over a decade ago! That was a real jolt back to reality, that even though I feel I’m very much still on a journey and don’t feel that different to who I was in my twenties (just wiser and less tolerant of bullshit, I’d say), the world seems to think I should have it more together by now! I honestly forget how old I am a lot of the time. I’m smiling as I write this because I know how ridiculous it sounds. Am I really that deluded? Is it the effect of the pandemic, the bizarre melting down of days, weeks and months into time candles that we think we can still light but when we strike the match, we find they’ve already burned down?
I was also reminded of how beautiful Tasmania is, particularly in the winter. A friend and I had an adventure down at the Tahune Airwalk, which I had never been to before, and what a tonic it was to breathe such fresh cold air, revel in the natural beauty of the place, cross the Huon River on a swinging bridge, and be left speechless at the sheer majesty of the trees.
Favourite experience/s of the week
The Tahune Airwalk, by far! It’s tucked away deep in the south west of the state, and we did a lovely hike through it, including two swinging bridges and the air walk itself, which feels like you’re suspended among the extremely tall, majestic treetops. If you don’t like heights, maybe it’s not for you! But I loved the thrill of it.
It moved me greatly to think that some of the stringybarks were there, alive and growing, during the period I’ve been researching and writing about (1820s). These trees well and truly outlived my characters, and they will likely outlive me too. It made me think about how small we are, in terms of the vastness of nature and its incredible power to survive. That even through fire and destruction, nature will find a way to come back. We must take our place beside nature, not dominate it or bend it to our will.
The air was fresh, invigorating and cold from the nearby Hartz mountains, and the Huon River had chunks of ice floating in it. Being winter, the off season, the place was almost deserted and it was such a treat and an honour to practically have it to ourselves.
I shot some video too which I’ll edit together at some point for you all, to hopefully entice you to visit yourselves!
We drove back to Hobart via Geeveston for the famous Masaaki sushi and then another stop at Kingston Beach where we indulged in my favourite post bushwalk treat, whatever the weather - cold beer and hot chips.
Nature, fresh air, a dear friend and chips! The perfect Saturday.
Reading
Island Magazine: Living Poets by Jessica Lim - I too am rereading A Room of One’s Own and am quite blown away by its relevance for contemporary women, so I enjoyed this article very much.
Meanjin: I (re)discovered their What I’m Reading column and enjoyed trawling through the archives during a much needed brain break. I particularly enjoyed James McKenzie Watson, Melissa Manning and Emilie Collyer.
Gwenn Seemel: Making Art When The World Is Ending - “even if this is the conjunction of horrible that actually kills us all (or makes us wish we were dead), I’ll have seen it through by making love tangible across space and time. I’ll have been creating objects that make people feel seen and understood. I’ll have been opening myself and others to new worlds and different ways of thinking, helping people to get outside of their own narrow experience and allowing them to become better and more loving.” YES to all of this.
Annabel Smith: How to Become a Writer with Imbi Neeme - every guest of Annabel’s puts their own spin on the theme and the questions, it’s never the same which is part of the charm! I particularly enjoyed how Imbi structured it. I also liked how Imbi described herself as “a recovering blogger, an impending novelist” which I might borrow to describe myself in future!
Guernica: Sharp Relief - Watching Yoko Ono’s “Cut Piece” post Roe
In terms of books, I’ve been reading a lot of gardening and cookbooks, most of which I’ve borrowed from the library, and I finished Stolen by Lucy Christopher, the YA prequel to her just-released adult fiction, Release, which I’ll be reading next. It’s a dark, brutal but stunningly told story, bringing the harsh beauty of the Australian desert to vivid life, and so clever as to how you, the reader, end up with Stockholm syndrome as the narrator does. I can’t wait for Release!
Listening to
My general “for writing” and “moody dramatic” writing playlists were on repeat as I worked (and reworked!) on a 10,000 word section of my novel to send as part of a fellowship submission (fingers crossed). I also discovered the soundtrack (written by John Barry) to a 1980 film called Somewhere in Time which is actually beautiful to write to.
Best Friend Therapy: Fertility - what’s the reality? How does the language impact us? How can we support each other? This is an issue that has affected so many people I know. Feeling seen, heard and supported is so important. If you need a good cry, listen to this episode - that’s really all I have to say!
The Imperfects: I’m still really enjoying working my way through the archives of this show. This week I listened to Dr Emily, Truth vs Harmony - and boy did this resonate with me!
James and Ashley Stay at Home: This past week, James had his debut novel published! This episode did a behind the scenes look at Denizen and made me even more excited to read it!
The First Time: Masters Series: Liane Moriarty - I had no idea that Liane had written the part of Perry’s mother (in the second season of Big Little Lies) specifically with Meryl Streep in mind, and then got her to play the role! The power of acting ‘as if’! Fabulous.
Winter Nachos
Eating
Rather than a taco mac and cheese with last week’s leftovers, I made winter nachos! Leftover cauliflower stalk and lentil taco mixture bulked out with a tin of black beans and reheated; topped with cashew queso, mashed avocado, raw kale massaged with cider vinegar, pickled jalapeños, vegan sour cream and pickled tomatoes. Bloody delicious if I do say so myself.
Cabbage rolls - pre sauce and baking!
I also made some incredible cabbage rolls (no recipe yet, I saw one in a cookbook that I loosely followed, but not really! I can write up what I did if anyone is interested, as I’ll definitely make this again). I had some leftover rice and so turned that into the stuffing. I flavoured it with spices, green vegetables and herbs from the garden, dried cranberries, chopped almonds and some various bits and pieces lying around. The cabbage leaves were blanched in salted water, left to cool slightly and then I used them to wrap around generous spoonfuls of the rice filling. I topped the rolls with a tin of tomatoes and then baked for about 40 minutes. I didn’t get a picture of it afterwards as we were so hungry, I just served it up without a second thought about a photo! It was such a satisfying dinner but quite light, weirdly. I will definitely make this again, it’s perfect winter food with cabbages in season.
There was plenty of leftover rice stuffing, which we had cold the next day in a Buddha bowl.
Plenty of last week’s vegan banana bread for snacks - I keep forgetting it’s there half the time. Fortunately it keeps brilliantly!
I also made a gorgeous curry with a free Spice Tailor curry paste I got at the supermarket a few weeks ago (I love how Coles sometimes do that!) - I chose the Malabar one and used it to make a curry with potato, cauliflower and spinach, which was absolutely divine. We had leftovers so I added chickpeas to those when we heated it up for dinner a few nights later.
I also made a vat of lentil and walnut ragu - I intended to make shepherds pie at some point this week but was so busy that I barely noticed the sun going down each day, signalling that maybe it was time to think about dinner! So we just ended up freezing some and having the rest with pasta (and then used the leftovers to make a pasta bake, which was also delicious!). I will have to update my 2020 recipe because I have discovered that adding miso to the sauce is a game changer. I would also recommend using a combination of black and red lentils. So good!
Drinking
So much TEA. I made a pot of green tea to keep me going one morning which I really enjoyed and will try to make a habit of. We restocked with our favourite T2s - Melbourne Breakfast, New York Breakfast, English Breakfast, Chai. Bengal Spice after 5pm. Sleepy Time before bed.
Watching
Did you catch my six months off social media video? :)
Snatch (Blu-Ray) - Tom had talked about this film for years but I’d never sat down and watched it with him. A gangster film is never going to be PC is it, but if you can get past that, it’s absolutely hilarious and great fun.
Star Trek Picard (Amazon Prime) - I was surprised by how much I enjoyed this. Star Trek fans such as my darling husband have long celebrated how the various series and movies hold a mirror up to the world we live in now, and I found this particularly so with this series. Some critics said such commentary was “unsubtle” but I disagree - I think the level of hatred, intolerance and dysfunction in our world is such that we can’t really afford to be subtle anymore. I especially loved Ito Aghayere as the younger Guinan (the character Whoopi Goldberg has played in other series) and wish she had been utilised more. When implored by Picard to give humanity another chance and be patient because change takes time, Guinan replies that, as a woman of colour, she doesn’t have the luxury of being patient for change. Picard, on the other hand, as a white man, does. Frankly, I think the world needs more “unsubtle” messages like that!
Wearing
This sweet hat and scarf knitted by my sister’s friend for my birthday. Much needed in these four degree afternoons we’ve been having! My cheeks are almost as pink as the hat and scarf, aren’t they?!
I’ve also been enjoying these deliciously warm Tradie Lady socks. I found them at the supermarket and they’re better than slippers.
Proud of
Tom for rocking his first class as a UTAS tutor!
My sister who gave me the hat and scarf, for many reasons.
A dear friend who has raised her son, my godson, alone and continues to meet every challenge of solo parenthood with grace and fortitude.
Myself, for being brave and applying for something that felt like a real stretch. But I refuse to let another year pass where I let imposter syndrome get the better of me.
My father, for giving a beautiful speech at his best friend’s wake.
Quote of the week
“He who is brave is free.” - Seneca. This one is for you Bob xx
If you’d like to share your thoughts on this post, or anything else, with me, please do! I hope you’re also finding things to savour and ponder, that give you both pause and joy.
