summer's end, a list

A flowering gum I spotted on one of my runs over the summer.

The end of summer. The year makes a turn and drives down the road of another season.

A spectacular sunset at the end of January.

I just had a look on my camera roll at photos taken over the summer and, to my delight, it’s mostly Tom and I with our nieces and nephews. Time with them always fills my cup, and I’m so grateful that abundant time with our family is possible - it’s the main reason we moved home. Whenever people ask me if I have children, I reply with “no, but I’m the proud aunt of some wonderful little people” and proceed to bore them with details about our youngest niece’s first day at kindergarten, or the way our 18 month old nephew waits at the window for us when he knows we’re coming to visit, or a sleepover we had with our teenage niece where we played Mario Kart, ate burgers and chips, watched Pride and Prejudice and talked about everything from our favourite Mecca products to why I wrote The Latte Years (she asked!).

A lot has happened since I last wrote to you. We’ve had some complicated and painful things to deal with - some of which have been going on for years. We had a lot of plans that didn’t quite come to fruition. We’ve had to roll with some quite hard punches. All things considered, it shouldn’t have been a surprise that we got to the end of 2023 quite burnt out and a bit heartbroken. But, as with most things, if I zoom out far enough to get a bird’s eye view, our life is pretty wonderful. We’re doing OK. And, as my new therapist reminds me at the end of every session, we will be OK, whatever happens.

A sunflower I grew from seeds left by a colleague in the tearoom at work. They grew well this summer.

Yes, I started seeing a therapist again a few months ago, which has entailed going back through my history, a task I didn’t particularly want to do but could only avoid for so long. In my work, I constantly grapple with backstories, hidden histories, things people didn’t want or weren’t allowed to say, so the irony of resisting this myself wasn’t lost on me. Therapy has been good for my writing too, I think. We have covered a lot of ground so far, and I feel lighter than I have for some time.

Anyway, please indulge me for the following randomness as a favourite season ends and another favourite (perhaps my most favourite) begins. And thank you to my pal Leonie Wise for the inspiration for the structure of this blog post - her blog is a treasure trove of seasonal lists and inventories. She could make a shopping list sound poetic!

1. Things I picked from the garden and allotment today // Runner beans. Cherry tomatoes. Silverbeet. Spring greens (a broccoli/cabbage hybrid). Rhubarb. Zucchini, some verging on marrowhood. Rainbow chard. Mint. Lemons. The first fig from my tree.

2. Things currently on my desk // which desk? I have three! Four if you count the dining table, where I also like to work because of the wonderful light the room gets throughout the day. That’s where I’m writing right now. Pint glass of water, two water bottles. Two cookbooks, a lover’s gift from Tom. A package that arrived earlier for him. Two notebooks, one personal, one for PhD. A pink Lamy Safari fountain pen. My running cap and a little change purse that has my driver's licence, bandaids, a hair tie and lipgloss in, which I took when I went running this morning (fun fact: the change purse was my Secret Santa gift at our bloggers Christmas party in Melbourne in 2006 - I still have no idea who gave it to me). AirPods, laptop and phone. That’s pretty minimalist for me, normally there’s at least seven books.

3. Favourite song on my run today // Free Yourself by Jessie Ware. Favourite song of the summer // This Land is Your Land by Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings. And This is Home (Bright-Side Mix) by Peter Gabriel. Yes, Tom will be amazed - I like something by Peter Gabriel!

4. Visits to the beach // the idea of popping to the beach after work on a stinking hot day was a memory I cherished during my years in London. We make it happen as often as we can in the summer, and drive to our favourite one that only locals seem to know. The icy shock of the water as we first step in always surprises me. Then, once you dive in and get used to the cold, there’s nothing more refreshing. I could stay in for hours. Salt water also does something to my hair, maybe what it does to most people’s - as it dries it gets curly and wavy and looks like I’ve spent hours and a lot of money making it look that way. So I will gladly admit I also go to the beach to get beach hair.

5. Movie of the summer // The Holdovers (but a winter film, set at Christmas!). I also really enjoyed the Super Mario Bros movie and Emily the Criminal. Most overrated movie of the summer? Saltburn. I didn’t get the hype! My 20-something friends all loved it so I guess I’m just not the intended audience. Which is absolutely fine with me.

6. Drink of the summer // Lychee apple soda at Luna Chan. And any wine made by Bream Creek.

7. Eats of the summer // so many delicious things! Mostly salads, rice bowls, silken tofu breakfast bowls, summery pastas. I also learned how to make my own vegan melting cheese, thanks to Rose Elliot’s excellent recipe, see below.

8. Drinking less coffee and feeling surprisingly good on it. I also really like China Jasmine green tea, it turns out.

9. Working out more. Two strength workouts a week, two runs, one yoga class, and walks as often as possible. I feel really good, and even better about being more structured. I’ve realised recently that I have been putting my health (physical and mental) last for some time. I’m in my early forties now and that isn’t really something I can afford to be blasé about. Life has been very stressful so I’m not beating myself up too much about it, but this year I am determined to prioritise my health, not just for my longevity, energy and future mobility, but I also want to make it to the finish line of my PhD in one piece! I’ll happily talk more on this topic if people are interested. And I’m sure it goes without saying that I’m aware of my many privileges in this space :)

Recipes I’ve loved this summer

1. Moroccan sweet potato, chickpea and couscous with chermoula - a Hetty McKinnon recipe from her first book Community. I made it for a salad party. More on that in another post (it’s a great story!). But chermoula - where has this been all my life?! It’s so delicious, spicy and addictive and I’ve made it a lot over the summer.

2. Matt Pritchard’s Dirty Vegan granola

3. Deliciously Ella’s coronation chickpea sandwich

4. Ottolenghi’s pearl barley and pomegranate salad

5. Rose Elliot’s vegan melty cheese from her book Complete Vegan.

6. Bosh’s potato burger buns (so fluffy!) from their book Bosh on a Budget

7. Plenty more I’ve forgotten, and made up myself! I have lots of recipe posts in the backlog.

A short and sharp look at how easy it is to make vegan melty cheese at home! It really is very good. I may never buy vegan cheese again.

Cosmos at the allotment.

Things to remember

A lot of people wrote to me after this post - I’ll make it a regular thing! Here’s some little life reminders from my journals and notes on the iPhone over the last little while:

• You are loved and worthy, even when you think you have failed.

• Let go of the people who have let go of you.

• You can be right and still be in a situation where it’s not worth fighting.

• Everything is temporary, without exception.

• Aim for work-life harmony rather than balance, because work-life balance doesn’t exist. Work is a part of life.

• Perfect doesn’t exist. Your best is good enough.

• Suffering produces endurance. Endurance produces character. Character produces hope.

• You are more in control of your happiness than you think and probably allow yourself to be.

• Harness the power of defiance.

• “Patience is everything!” - Rilke

I’ve stayed away from my blog for months, not just because I’ve been seriously overwhelmed, stressed and had no time in my diary or room in my head for another box to tick, but I’ve also been feeling conflicted about posting content that feels frivolous and out of touch with all the horrific things going on in the world. But then I read this quote from Nick Cave:

“These are perilous and urgent times. This is not the hour to sit around moaning about the condition of the world — leave that to the posturing inhabitants of that most morbidly neurotic of spaces, social media — and nor is it the moment to fruitlessly wait for inspiration to find us. It’s time to get to work, to reach up and tear the divine idea from its heavenly cradle and proffer it to the world.”

— Nick Cave

Thank you to the people who have written to me over the past six months to make sure I’m OK - I am, and it means a lot that you care. I plan to make up for lost time and blog every day in March, so let’s see how long that lasts! xx

Onya Magazine: The Best Vegan Eats In Melbourne

My sweatshirt really says it all ❤️ (Naarm is a word in the Woiwurrung and Boonwurrung languages of the Kulin nation which is the Traditional Place name for Melbourne).

Continuing on from my best Sydney vegan eats article earlier in the year, Onya Magazine have just published a follow up - the best vegan eats in Melbourne, the city of my heart. So if you were wondering where we ate and what our favourites were on our last few visits, here they are!

Honestly, I would walk (well, I’d also have to swim some of the way too, gulp!) back to Melbourne for some of the food we enjoyed last time we were there. The city has some incredible plant-based places that are truly exciting, indulgent and very, very delicious. Everything you want when you’re on holiday and feel like spoiling yourself!

The oyster mushroom “calamari” at the Green Man’s Arms, Carlton. Exquisite! Even Tom (who normally hates mushrooms) dug in!

Rereading the article has made me very hungry and wish we could just hop on the 86 tram and head up to Red Sparrow or Brother Bon for dinner tonight. Hopefully our next visit isn’t too far away…

Writers for The Voice

You may or may not know that on 14 October, Australia will hold a referendum to officially recognise Indigenous Australians in the constitution for the first time and give them a say in the policies and challenges that affect their communities.

I will be voting YES. Because, despite what the No camp would have people believe, the question being put forward in the referendum is not problematic or complicated. We are simply being asked if we think the Australian constitution should recognise the First Peoples of this country by giving them some say - the ability to advise - on issues that affect them. How can the answer to that question be anything other than YES?

I have proudly joined Writers for The Voice with over 600 other writers, as well as publishers, literary bodies and festivals, from all over Australia who will be voting YES in the referendum, and who want to see our nation step into a stronger, better and more inclusive future.

There are so many reasons to vote YES but one of the most compelling ones is that it will lead to practical improvements in Indigenous housing, education and health because, for the first time, laws and policies on these issues will have proper input from Indigenous people. There is already evidence that health and education outcomes for Indigenous Australians will improve.

Most of all, the hope, healing and progress that the Voice offers is really a defining moment for this country. We can’t undo the wrongs of the past but this official respect and recognition of our First Peoples is long overdue. It’s time to listen, to unite and to move forward together.

For me, there is only YES. Not only because I would support anything that gives our First Peoples more respect, dignity and agency but this is a remarkable opportunity to step up and be the nation I believe we are, to move towards genuine hope and reconciliation. I am no political scientist but I am a historian (in training) and whether we like it or not, history repeats unless we actively break the cycle and embrace change. The past has so many dark lessons that we can choose, as a collective, to learn from. We cannot change the past, but we can work towards changing the narrative of our country. This is a moment history will remember. It’s a turning point, a precious chance for true dialogue, based on recognition and respect, to begin.

I think Professor Marcia Langton said it best:

“In this referendum, there are only two options: a ‘Yes’ vote that delivers recognition through a voice and all the hope and healing is represents...or a ‘No’ vote which binds us all closely - all of us - to a broken status quo.”

— Professor Marcia Langton AO

The Uluru Statement from the Heart is a gentle and courteous invitation to non Indigenous Australians to walk together with our First Peoples to help secure a better future for them. Why on earth would we say no to that?

The only answer is YES.

pear and blackberry streusel muffins (vegan)

In summer and autumn, one is spoiled for choice with different seasonal fruits to use in baking - but winter?

At the start of June, I bought a large box of the last of the blackberry harvest from a local farm. They have been sitting in the freezer, added to breakfast porridge and weekend crumbles, but I wondered about using them in something else. Pears are also plentiful in the supermarket at the moment, particularly the “Odd Bunch” ones, the imperfect specimens that come into their own in cakes, bakes, crumbles and smoothies.

I decided to try this particular wintry (or autumnal, strictly speaking, I suppose) fruit combination in these muffins and it was an absolute winner! Sharp yet sweet fruit set in a vanilla-heavy batter not unlike birthday cake, topped with an indulgent and moreish streusel mixture. Winter elevenses have never been so tasty!

You can of course use whatever fruit you prefer - any kind of berry, fresh or frozen, would work well in place of the blackberries and you could use apples interchangeably for the pears. You could also use all pear (or apple). You want 230g in total of fruit, whatever combination you end up using.

You could also add nuts to the streusel mix if you like - walnuts, almonds, hazelnuts or pecans would be lovely. Nuts can burn easily, though, so be careful!

Pear and blackberry streusel muffins

Inspired by The Full Helping (I love her recipes!)

Makes 6 jumbo “Texas” muffins, probably 12 regular sized ones

Streusel topping

65g plain flour
50g dark brown sugar
65g cold butter (I use a vegan one called Nuttelex Buttery)
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon or mixed spice (I used a Gewürzhaus blend called Hot Cross Bun Spice, which appears to be only available at Easter) [note: only use 1/2 teaspoon if you prefer a subtler cinnamon flavour]
A pinch of sea salt

Muffins

1.5 cups of frozen (or fresh) blackberries + 1 small pear, peeled and cored (230g fruit in total)
350g plain flour
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
1.5 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon bicarb soda
320ml soy milk + juice of half a lemon (or buttermilk if not vegan), combined in a large jug + allowed to sit and coagulate for at least 5 minutes
120ml sunflower or vegetable oil
170g caster or raw sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Preheat your oven to 180 C and line your muffin tin with cases/liners or squares of baking paper you’ve cut to fit.

Blitz all streusel topping ingredients in a food processor using the pulse function until the mixture is combined and resembles breadcrumbs. Scrape out into a bowl and place in the freezer until the muffin mix is ready.

Just to note, the streusel mix makes way more than you need but it doubles as a crumble mixture, so keep it in the freezer for when you next feel like a crumble and you’ll have dessert in an instant. Half the quantities specified if you don’t want leftovers but you’ll probably have to make it by hand, smaller quantities are trickier to do in a food processor, I’ve found (certainly in mine!).

Prep your fruit for the muffins - peel, core and chop the pear into small pieces and measure out the blackberries. Set aside.

Combine the dry ingredients in a large bowl.

In the large jug where you’ve measured out your soy milk and lemon juice (or buttermilk if you’re not worried about this being dairy free), you should have a slightly thick and lumpy milk now. Use a small whisk to bring it all together, and then add the oil, sugar and vanilla. Whisk well to combine.

Make a well in the centre of the dry ingredients and add the contents of the jug. Mix it together very gently with a spatula until just combined - Delia Smith recommends doing it in a slow figure of eight and this is what I usually do. It’s fine if there are a few small lumps but you don’t want to over-mix otherwise the muffins will be tough, and who wants that?

When the mixture is nearly combined, add the fruit to the bowl and gently fold it in.

A hilarious moment from Schitt’s Creek which ensured I will never be able to say “fold it in” with a straight face ever again! | Source

Once everything is combined, divide the mixture between the muffin containers - I use my favourite giant Texas style pan which yields six muffins.

Sprinkle as much or as little as you like of the streusel mixture on top of each one - I erred on the side of generous.

Bake in the oven for 25-30 minutes depending on the size of your muffins - mine took 30 minutes for a skewer to come out clean. Start checking at around 20 minutes is usually my advice, depending on how hot your oven runs. You can always put them back in for a few minutes, but scorched muffins are a sorry sight indeed!

Allow to cool - they were great warm but I enjoyed them even more a day or two later when they were firmer. Keep them in a container and I’ve found they last very well, over a week - but at that stage, they benefit from a quick warm up in the oven or microwave.

Savour them with a cup of steaming tea or coffee, and revel in the many consolations of winter.

things to remember

Coffee. A daily essential, much like writing.

In my recent article about journalling, I mentioned that I often dedicate several pages - usually the first or last two or three - of my journal to “things to remember”.

By that I mean, I write down phrases, affirmations or reminders that ground me, things I find useful to hear often depending on what is currently going on. If I read something in an article or book, or hear something someone says in a podcast, that particularly speaks to me, that might be helpful for me to bear in mind at the present time, I will write it there. I also sometimes write down insights that occur to me in daily meditation.

I highly recommend this practice of writing down things you find comforting and grounding that you can look at and remind yourself of, especially if you’re a bit like me and find your anxiety running away with you at times. It can be really handy to look at it in your over-thinking moments.

As I’m just coming to the final few pages of my current notebook, I thought I might share some of the things I felt moved to remind myself of or ground myself in the truth of this last little while, in the hope it might be useful for you too. Perhaps I’ll make sharing these a regular thing.

Things to remember

• Karma never loses an address.

• When victory comes at too heavy a price, there’s honour in choosing defeat.

• The seeds we nourish and cultivate within us are the seeds that grow.

• Every storm eventually runs out of rain.

• No matter what you do, someone is bound to end up disappointed…so do what you want.

• There is no ahead or behind, everyone is walking a different path to the same place.

• You can have what you need, even when others need you.

• Confidence is quiet, insecurity is loud.

• How other people treat you is a measure of who they are, not a measure of your worthiness.

• Live with reverence for what truly matters.

• Be radically responsible for yourself.

Daphne (my favourite winter flower) on my desk at work as the sun started setting.

• No one has any power over you, only the power you’ve given them.

• Other people’s opinions are always one of two things: completely irrelevant or feedback you can choose to take or leave.

• Resilience is an asset.

• Live, and write, with audacity.

• The work is your domain, you are not in control of the rest.

• Finish what you start.

• Ripe fruit falls quickly.

• Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life.

• Being hard on yourself is never the route to more joy.

• You are going to be OK, regardless of the decisions and behaviour of others. You have survived everything so far.

• You are at your most powerful when you trust yourself.

• You are more than your thoughts. You are more than your body. You are more than the place where you live, your job, your bank account, your current health, your trauma, your highlight reel and accomplishments, your lowest moment and your worst day. You are enough. You always have been.

And finally….

“You will never be able to experience everything. So, please, do poetic justice to your soul and simply experience yourself.” - Albert Camus