An autumnal bounty from the New Norfolk markets in early May. The last blackberries of the season!
Friends, how is it June? How?!
I figured if I don’t write you an update soon, it will be Christmas before you hear from me again - so here I am. The only excuse I can offer for my lengthy silence is busy-ness and so much time being spent writing and thinking and reading that in my leisure time I yearn to look at something other than a computer screen.
You may have guessed, the heat has been turned up on my PhD - I am now almost 75% of the way there with it. If we apply the metaphor of running a marathon to the PhD (it’s one of my favourite metaphors, as I’m sure you’ve noticed over the years), I am at the equivalent of almost at Mile 20. To be honest, this is the part of running the London Marathon that I don’t remember. Miles 19 to about 23 were a real blur! It’s an apt comparison. I don’t know where the last few months have gone.
But, as I said to a friend last week, I have waited my entire life to do this so I am determined to savour and enjoy it as much as I can, rather than give in to the overwhelm. The marathon at the 75% stage was just a matter of staying mentally strong and getting through it until I was really on the final stretch, but I don’t want to do that with the PhD. It’s the most momentous thing I’ve ever done. Sometimes I find myself, sitting in my cosy office on campus, looking at all my books on the shelves, the post-its on the wall, the resident possum in the gum trees outside (who comes out during the day A LOT) and am in awe that it’s finally happening, I am doing it. I allow myself to feel joy, amazement and gratitude, even a little pride, in those moments.
Life has always been a constant balancing act for me, and perhaps it always will be. I think a lot of it comes down to self forgiveness - I’m not perfect nor am I a machine that can keep going and going without enough rest and replenishment. I wish (and thought) I was but adding productivity guilt into the mix is not serving me. Self care really has to be a priority if I want to enjoy the process, not to mention keep my creative work and practice sustainable. I’ve been trying to bear that in mind these past few weeks.
So, yes, April and May have been MAMMOTH months for me and Tom but we have happily managed to find lots of fun and exciting things to enjoy along the way. “What a year this is turning out to be,” Tom said to me at the start of May. My sentiments exactly!
Let me fill you in on May then, friends. The month of Philmas!
Favourite experience/s of the month
May was full of wonderful experiences but the best one, hands down, was returning to the great city of Melbourne for a birthday trip which consisted mostly of shopping, eating and seeing friends. We also made another trip a week later, for a wonderful wedding, but more on that in the June wrap-up!
Other highlights of May included:
Giving a paper for the Professional Historians Association (Vic/Tas chapter) at Hobart’s State Library, which went better than I could have hoped (apparently there’s a video of it on YouTube which even our postman has seen!)
Making my baby nephew laugh for the first time (he’s so adorable!)
A day trip with a dear friend to New Norfolk where we bought locally-grown blackberries, garlic, apples and secondhand books
Publishing an article in the Guardian, and the wonderful response to it - in fact, it went live while we were asleep so both Tom and I woke up to texts from friends in the UK who had seen it before we had! The whole response to it was really amazing. I honestly thought that it would be like most things I write, that it would go live and within an hour or two it would be yesterday’s news! It was so touching (and thrilling) to be read and understood so generously by people all over the world. It reminded me that I do have relevant things to say and it’s always worth the agonising discomfort of putting myself out there.
Turning 42 in one of my favourite cities and then coming home and celebrating with my family. When we went round to see one of my sisters, her daughter (nearly 4) proudly announced they had made me a cake, which melted my heart (and it was so delicious). More birthday thoughts further on.
My dad’s 70th, which was a fitting celebration for a wonderful man I am proud every day to call my father (I said as much in my brief speech - Mum’s speech was by far the best though, there was barely a dry eye in the house!).
Reading
I feel like I’m always reading at the moment! I’m trying to remember what I read for leisure in May….
Far out, I loved this book - Edwina Preston’s Bad Art Mother, shortlisted for this year’s Stella Prize (my friend Tash got me the winner’s book as a birthday present which I’ve been saving for a post-deadline treat in July). As I read, I thought this reminds me so much of Gwen Harwood, if she had been more like Sylvia Plath (having read and reviewed the excellent Ann Marie Priest biography last year) and it turned out, Preston had read Harwood’s letters as inspiration. Fascinating! I am finding myself more and more drawn to fiction set in 1960s and 1970s Australia, particularly Melbourne, so I loved this book’s setting, as well as its premise. I don’t think enough books deal with the reality of how deeply, painfully selfish most women have to be in order to make their art a priority, even if they don’t have children. I think this is what I’ve realised, both in my own life and through the reading of books such as these, that women are still expected to, as Mary Wollstonecraft put it in 1792, “make themselves AGREEABLE” (!) and put the needs of others first, regardless of whether they’re mothers or not. It’s something we always seem to be pushing back against. Bad Art Mother was a refreshing look at this, from both sides of the coin. It has a nostalgic but also quite sweeping, all-consuming energy - Christos Tsiolkas was quite right when he described it as a “panorama” of a novel - as all the women, of varying marital statuses, in the story push against the gender barriers of the time and fight to be recognised as legitimate artists. It also made me realise that we might have come a long way but there’s still a long way to go. Worth a read!
I found Patti Smith’s Just Kids on the shelf of our Melbourne Airbnb, a book I had heard praised and much talked of for years and it was 100% worthy of the hype. I love Patti’s writing (I have a few other books of hers) but I must confess I didn’t know much about her and her life. There are many haunting moments in Just Kids but the one I keep thinking about is her description of giving birth to a child she had to put up for adoption, how cruel the medical staff were to her as an young unmarried mother, and how “carrying a child had literally opened the skin of my belly” (51). I loved it so much I procured a copy on my return (I only got three-quarters of the way through it during the trip) and have also treated myself to Patti’s A Book of Days.
I picked up one of my favourite Youtuber’s cookbooks while we were in Melbourne, from a great bookstore called Brunswick Bound - it’s fabulous (both the book and the bookstore).
I recently discovered the work of photographer Alan Villiers and was astonished at how beautiful and modern these images of early 20th century merchant ships are - the people look like they could be walking around today!
Why winning the Booker didn’t make this author feel she’d reached the top - I love Bernardine Evaristo, her writing, her wit, her thoughts on everything from politics to self development. Her energy is so motivating. She’s awesome.
Listening to
In the lead up to my talk for the Professional Historians Association, anxiety swirled around my body like an electrical storm. I found re-listening to this episode of The Imperfects very handy. I also enjoyed this episode of The Imperfects where they discussed a “40 Things I Wish I’d Known at 40” viral article and which items on the list resonated with them the most. Eye opening!
Therapy Works: Trisha Goddard on overcoming enormous adversity and finding love and happiness - this was excellent, though very difficult listening in parts, especially hearing about the racial abuse she has endured, particularly as a child. I gasped aloud in the street when she recalled something a teacher said to her. Trisha said she realised that the Black Lives Matter movement had helped her appreciate how much she had internalised over the first five or so decades of her life, thinking she was the problem. Listening to her articulate that, I realised that perhaps #MeToo has done the same for me. I always loved seeing Trisha on TV when I was a child. She was Australia’s first Black TV presenter - she did Playschool in the mornings, and The 7:30 Report in the evenings. What an icon!
James and Ashley Stay At Home: interviews with Anna Spargo-Ryan and Lee Kofman, both excellent.
Films to be Buried With, with Brett Goldstein: I only just discovered this podcast and it’s really fabulous! I have listened to the Dolly Alderton episode which was hilarious and highly relatable, as always.
Otherwise, just Poppy Ackroyd’s marvellous album Sketches on repeat, throughout May. Perfect writing music.
PICKING / GROWING
Another highlight of May - I have an allotment now! Dad gave me a packet of broad bean seeds to celebrate, so they were the first things I planted. Look how well they’re doing already! I also have a broccoli/kale hybrid growing in there, that was given to me by another gardener. September will be the time to get really excited and start planting other things - I have many other kinds of beans, as well as peas, silverbeet, zucchini, kale and broccoli seeds in my seed tin ready to go.
Eating/COOKING
Porridge bread has re-entered my regular repertoire and I am glad of it - it’s the most delicious bread which has an almost crumpet-like quality. Porridge is an essential winter breakfast so I always make a little extra so I can make this bread. I often double the original recipe and bake it in my enormous German bread tin (that I bought for something like €4 on one of our trips to Berlin) which gives us a loaf big enough to last the week! Do try it if you’re curious, I can’t recommend it more highly. It’s particularly good with sweet toppings like jam, marmalade or honey, but it’s also pretty great with avocado and Vegemite.
The food in Melbourne deserves a post of its own - I have written an article for Onya which I hope will be published soon so when it is I will send you there to read about all the wonderful things we indulged in on our little holiday! I keep thinking about the king oyster mushroom ‘calamari’ from the Green Man’s Arms (which Tom and I now refer to as our local), the vegan lemon delicious ice cream at Girls and Boys, the pizza at Red Sparrow and the ‘chicken’ katsu sando at Brother Bon.
And, confession time, this was my first ever trip to Melbourne where I didn’t go to the Shanghai Dumpling House. I know, I’m shocked too.
At the start of May (or perhaps it was the end of April, who knows!) I made green tomato pickle with all the green tomatoes from my home garden, and the box that was generously given to me at the allotment! I have about 10 jars maturing in the cupboard now, ready for spring and summer deliciousness. It’s my great-grandmother’s recipe, which is really amazing.
I have become quite addicted to fresh blackberries again, after years of not having them (the last time I had them might have been when I went foraging while I still lived in England!) - I particularly like them in a crumble with apples or apricots. I also have a jar of plums in my apocalypse cupboard (you had one too, right?) which I’d like to use up, so I daresay a plum and blackberry crumble is in. my near future.
I made Asma Khan’s aloo gobi mattar which was delicious, and continued to stock the freezer with this vegan bolognese which is seriously sensational.
We went to the Thai Veggie Hutt in the city (Hobart, that is) for lunch a few times in May - all vegetarian and vegan, and I had forgotten how utterly scrumptious all the food is. The pumpkin curry was a winner, both times, I loved how spicy and layered with flavour it was.
Not that much cooking in May, mostly eating, as other people did the cooking! It made a nice change.
Drinking
T2 French Earl Grey - I had written this tea off for years, thinking it too floral and overbearing for my palate. I accidentally ordered it in a quaint New Norfolk tearoom that used to be a church hall, and it was delightful. The trick, for me, is only to use one spoonful and brew it for 60 seconds, no more. Then it’s light and fragrant and truly delicious.
My favourite drink in Melbourne was the incredible Cos-no mocktail at the Green Man’s Arms - cranberry, blackberry and lime juices - sharp, fruity and very sophisticated!
Watching
Colin from Accounts (Binge): OMG this was fabulous. A fresh concept, clever writing, great acting and SO funny! And I loved that it was set in Sydney.
Call the Midwife (Binge and ABC iView) - Binge is the most appropriate channel for this show, as that is exactly what I have done over the past few months!
I think I’m in the minority on the finale of Succession (Binge) - I thought it was a complete anti-climax and I came away feeling very numb, in disbelief and unsure what the point of any of it had been. It reminded me of how I felt in the immediate aftermath of learning the Leave vote had won and when the news broke that Trump had won the US election (oh, 2016, you were a shitshow). If that was what Jesse Armstrong intended for the series - to show us that the people (the families!) who control the media are in fact very dangerous because the decisions they make in their own self interest have wider repercussions for the rest of the world that they never even consider - then he succeeded! The Times seemed to agree with me.
The finale of Ted Lasso (Apple TV+), by comparison, was sublime. That is how you end a show. It was so good, we’re now watching the whole series again from the beginning.
Wearing/ using
These amazing earrings (the lemons and the female sign) from Snafu Designs in Melbourne - I have barely stopped wearing them. They even look great with a hoodie! Speaking of the hoodie, I haven’t stopped wearing that either! A Reconciliation Week special from Captain Robbo.
A lime green roll-neck crop jumper from Tassie icon Keshet - it goes with everything.
Beautiful homemade socks that my aunt made me as a birthday gift - they are so comfy and warm, I never want to wear any other kind of socks.
Adventure pants from Captain Robbo in Northcote - I wasn’t sure these would suit me but they are wonderful and I can’t stop wearing them! I got the Magic Mushrooms and the Hot Pink Plane Trees. And if you pop into the store, make sure you meet the resident pooch, Twiggy!
Perhaps “not wearing/using” might be a category in future, because I feel moved to tell you I’ve been wearing my Fitbit less, certainly not to sleep as I had been doing this past year or so. I felt my “performance” was being evaluated and I’ve learned (the hard way) that’s not a good space for me to be in when I already feel under pressure in other parts of my life. If you are similarly moulded, I encourage you to give yourself a breather from your devices that measure your daily activities. Streaks can be motivating but they can also add more pressure when that’s the last thing you need.
feeling grateful for
I’m sure most of you recognise this woman - here’s a reminder if not!
My friends. People who show up for me time and time again, who are always full of warmth and ready with a kind word, whose assumptions are always generous. People who start a text with “I know I can tell you this, because you won’t take it the wrong way...” (and I likewise!). I am particularly grateful for two writing friends who always pick up the phone or reply to a text when I reach out in the midst of a crisis of confidence.
I am also grateful to have turned 42, an age quite a few people I’ve known in my life tragically never reached. I remember, in my late twenties, wondering what it would be like to be this age, the same age Virginia Woolf was when she wrote To The Lighthouse. Now I’m here. What does it feel like? Like I’m more myself, and that life is richer. It’s not as simple as it used to be (and of course I can only see it was simpler from where I’m standing now, 15 years on), but it’s undoubtedly richer.
I felt so lucky, marking turning 42 in Melbourne with my darling husband and our many friends there. It was a wonderful birthday, the best I’ve had in a while. These days my birthday is a day of real contemplation, a bit like a New Year, where I reflect on the year that’s gone and try to release anything that might have dragged me down, as well as any past ambitions that don’t really match up with who I am now. It’s a day where I remind myself how far I’ve come, how grateful I am for all the good things in my life, and think about what really matters to me, now, in this present moment. Perhaps I am starting to appreciate the limits to my time here on this planet. I am trying to use it well.
Quote of the MONTH
“Sometimes there are no rules.” - Mary Oliver
If you’d like to share your thoughts on this post, or anything else, with me, please do! I hope you also had a wonderful May….and I’ll look forward to sharing June with you very soon!
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